|
After a man has experienced a breakup, he can experience a number of different feelings. For example, he can feel angry, sad, helpless, and hopeless and be full of regret.
If so, what this can show is that he was with a woman who he was very fond of and perhaps loved. Perhaps he was with her for a number of months or it might have been even longer. The Reason Now, what this can illustrate is that she ended the relationship. He might not have treated her very well at times or he might have cheated on her. If what he did played a big part in why it came to an end, it is to be expected that he wouldn’t be in a good way. It would be different if his girlfriend had been the one who was at fault but as it was him, he won’t be able to hold her accountable her for what has happened. Reaching out Due to this, he might have the need to talk to her about what is going on for him and apologise. He might also want to do what he can to make things right, so that they can get back together. At the same time, if he is feeling guilty and ashamed about how he has behaved, he might not want to contact her. Instead, he might want to keep his distance and hope that he doesn’t bump into or hear from her anytime soon. The First One If he does have the need to talk to her and reaches out to her, he might not hear back from her. Then again, she might be civil but she could make it clear that she needs her space and doesn’t want to talk at this time. After this, he could end up feeling even worse, that’s if he had hoped that he would be able to make headway. If he was in a hole before, he is now likely to be in an even deeper hole. The Second one If, on the other hand, he doesn’t have the need to talk to her, it doesn’t mean that he won’t end up seeing her again. But, if they live in the same area or often frequent the same places, this is not going to be a surprise. Assuming that he does see her, this can be a time when he has the need to hide himself or he might soon go somewhere else. This will be a way for him to manage the guilt and shame that are inside him. The Next Stage Regardless of whether he can relate to the first or second experience, as the days, weeks and months pass, he could continue to feel bad about himself. And, thanks to how bad he feels, many other areas of his life could start to fall apart. As a result, not only will he no longer be in a relationship but he might no longer eat as well as he did before, he might stop exercising, rarely see friends and not perform as well when he is at work, for instance. He is then going to be a shadow of the person that he was before. External Support If he has at least one close friend and this friend were to become aware of what is going on, they could suggest that they get together and talk about what he is going through. During this time, he can say that he doesn’t deserve to live a good life after what he has done and deserves to suffer. Alternatively, after hearing him talk about what is going on for him, this is what their friend could conclude. After this, they could tell him that no matter what he has done, he deserves to live a good life and doesn’t deserve to suffer. A Key Point Additionally, they could say that there is a big difference between becoming aware of the mistakes that were made and committing to making the necessary changes and beating oneself up. Naturally, the former will allow him to gradually move on from what happened and have a different relationship, while the latter won’t allow him to move forward, let alone have a different relationship. This might be something that he can accept at least intellectually but it might not have much of an impact on how he feels. After his time with his friend comes to an end, he can soon go back to how he was before. What’s going on? If he were to step back and reflect at this stage, what he may find is that he has the inclination to punish himself after he has made a mistake. In this case, this will be an inner experience that he feels comfortable with. What this may show is that, during his formative years, he had at least one parent who was very critical and cruel. Being put down and humiliated would then have been normal. The outcome Most likely, this parent was a deeply wounded and unfeeling human being who had no idea about the impact that their behaviour was having on him. Even so, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place. It was then not that this parent was deeply wounded; it was that there was something inherently wrong with him and he deserved to be punished. What this is also likely to have done is made him believe that he didn’t deserve to have a fulfilling life, which will cause him to sabotage good things. Moving Forward For him to change his life, he will have beliefs to question and emotional wounds to work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|