Breakups: Why Would A Man Go Into An Emotionally Collapsed State After A Breakup?

Now that a man’s relationship has come to an end, he could be in a very bad way. This may show that he was with the woman for a number of years, but this might not be the case.

So, there can be moments when he isn’t able to feel anything and has disconnected from himself. At other moments, he feels very low, and his body can feel very heavy, with it being hard for him to do anything.

Two Extremes

He might find that while not feeling anything causes him to feel life less, he prefers being this way. As when he can feel, and he is in a very low place, what enters his mind is the thought of ending his life.

To try to ensure that he doesn’t fall into a hole, he might spend a lot of time distracting himself. For example, he might watch a lot of TV, go out a lot, browse social media or eat.

External Support

If he were to talk to a trusted friend about what he is going through, they might be understanding and supportive. They might say that what he is going through is normal, given what has happened to him.

Along with this, they might say that over time, he will feel better and that they are there for him if he wants to talk. After having this conversation, he could thank them and be grateful for their support.

The Next Stage

As the days, weeks and months pass, he may find that he is able to settle down and function again. It can then be as if what he went through before never happened.

However, as the days, weeks and months pass, he may find that it is still difficult for him to function. He might even end up feeling worse, not better, and other areas of his life may have started to suffer.

Stepping Back

If so, he might wonder why this breakup has had such a big impact on him and why he can’t just get it together. If he were to look back on his life, he may see that he hasn’t had this experience before.

Then again, he may see that this is not the first time he has experienced life in this way. If this is the case, it can show that when a relationship comes to an end, it unlocks pain that has been held inside him for many, many years.

A Deeper Look

The pain that he experiences as a result of his relationship coming to an end will then be compounded by the pain that was already inside him, causing him to be overwhelmed.  At this point, he can wonder why he already has so much pain inside him.

What this may illustrate is that his early years were a time when he missed out on the attunement, mirroring, care, affection and support that he needed. Not being seen and heard, ignored, rejected and left might then have been normal.

A Brutal Time

If it were, this would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. But, as he was powerless and dependent, he couldn’t change his mother or father, or find a new family that could provide him with what he needed.

Due to this, he had to adapt to the lack of love that was on offer. His brain would have repressed a number of his developmental needs and the pain that he was in, so that he could keep it together and function.

An Adaption

This would have involved him losing touch with his embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. In its place would have been a disembodied, disconnected and not fully feeling false self.

Many years will have passed since then, of course, but his system will carry most, if not all, of the unmet developmental needs and pain that were repressed. When he experiences a breakup, this rupture will remind him of his early ruptures, which will unlock some of the material that has been held inside him for years.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, for him to gradually become more integrated, he will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk