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Although someone might not realise that they were neglected as a child, it doesn’t mean that what took place will be firmly behind them. Their physical appearance will have changed and they might even live in a totally different environment, but their adult life could have a lot in common with their early years.
In fact, if they were able to go back in time, to connect to how they felt as a child and how they experienced life, they may see that their adult life is not much different. Nonetheless, thanks to how many years have passed and all the defences that their mind has developed, they might not be able to connect to what took place. One Big Struggle Thanks to this, they will be in a bad way but they won’t realise why their life is the way that it is. Due to how long their life has been this way for, it could just be what is normal and seen as how life is. Still, even if how they experience life has become normal, it doesn’t mean that they won’t see that their life is not very good. It simply means that no matter how bad their life is, they probably won’t believe that they can do anything about it. A Miserable Existence When it comes to how they experience life, just about every part of it could be anything but fulfilling. If they have a job, it might not be something that they enjoy doing and their relationships might not be much better either. They may have people in their yet even if they do, they might not be very close to them. As for an intimate relationship, they might not have ever been in one or if they have been in at least one, it might not have lasted for very long. Emotional Experience As for how they typically feel they might be used to feeling down and even have suicidal feelings. Additionally, they might spend a lot of time feeling low, lonely, powerless, disconnected and as though they don’t belong anywhere. In a way, it could seem as though they are on the outside looking in and are not part of the human race. They are then going to be a human being, just like everyone else, but there will be something different about them; something that they can’t quite pinpoint. An Outsider Through feeling different, it will be perfectly normal for them to stay on the sidelines and not take part in what other people are doing. A big part of them might want to join their fellow human beings, but a bigger part of them is likely to want to keep their distance. At times, feeling this way could make them think and feel that they are superior to others. Still, once this settles down they could end up thinking and feeling that they are inferior to others. Going Against Their Nature Ultimately, one is an interdependent human being who is no better or worse than anyone else. Thus, not allowing themselves to join their fellow human beings and feeling less-than or more than others is going to make their life far harder than it needs to be. They won’t have done anything wrong but how they live their life will create the impression that they have. Unlike in ancient Athens when people were ostracised for ten years; there will be no time limit in place for them. Seeing the Connection If they were able to get a sense of what they went through as a child, what they are going through as an adult would start to make sense. This doesn’t mean that they would no longer feel worthless any more or as though they don’t belong. For this to change, it will most likely take more than insight into their past. They will need to look into what they believe, to question these beliefs and to work through their emotional wounds, amongst other things. Back In Time During their early years, their parents may have been emotionally unavailable and they may have often left them all alone. So whether the people who brought them into the world wanted them or not, they would have created the impression that they didn’t want them. Being left at this time would have been extremely painful as they were dependent, powerless and needed attention to grow and develop. It has been said that the brain can’t differentiate between physical and emotional pain, and this is why it would have probably been less painful if they were hit as opposed to left at this stage of their life. Cast Aside The whole experience would have been very similar to how someone feels if they are ostracised. The difference is that while an adult will be able to do something to ensure their survival, as a small child, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything. They could only sit in all their pain or disconnect from their body and dissociate. The pain that they experienced would have been too much for them to handle and it may have even harmed their brain. The Foundations Were Laid What took place would have had nothing to do with their value as a human being and everything to do with what was taking place for their caregivers. Even so, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken everything personally. Based on what they experienced as a child, they may have some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
Awareness These beliefs, as well as others, would have been an accurate reflection of what was going on but now they will just be beliefs, meaning that they are not the truth. However, unless they are brought up into the light and questioned, they will continue to have a massive effect on their life. If someone can relate to this, it will be essential for them to focus on the fact that what took place wasn’t their fault and that they don’t deserve to suffer. External support may be needed, and this can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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As a result of being abused and/or neglected as a child, someone might not have much motivation in life. This is, of course, will be in addition to all of the other challenges that they may have.
So instead of having the need to embrace life and to make the most of the life that they have been given, they could feel the need to do very little. In fact, getting out of bed could be a challenge, let alone getting out of their front door to face the world. Going Through the Motions If they have a job, it could be something that they do simply because it pays the bills. Thus, it is not going to be something that fills them with joy and allows them to feel as though they are doing what they were born to do, for instance. When it comes to their relationships it could be very similar, with them having friendships that are not very fulfilling. If they are in an intimate relationship, they might not be with someone who is really a match for them. State Of Being In general, they could find that they feel low and don’t have much energy. They are then not going to experience many positive feelings or thoughts, causing them to have a very miserable existence. There is even the chance that other people will describe them as being depressed or having very low energy. Now, one could be aware of why their life is this way, seeing it as a consequence of what they went through as a child. It’s clear One will then have been treated badly as a child and they will be aware of what took place; this will show that their mind hasn’t blocked out all of what took place. Still, this doesn’t mean that they won’t have moments when they do block out what they are aware of. This will just be a way for them to try to handle the pain that they are in. But, while they will be aware of what took place, it doesn’t mean that they will believe that they can experience life in a different way. Another Scenario Conversely, one could experience life in this way but have absolutely no idea as to why their life is the way that it is. What this is likely to show is that they have blocked out what took place when they were younger. Due to how traumatising this stage of their life was, their mind would have caused them to push it out of their awareness. If they hadn’t done this, there is the chance that they wouldn’t even be alive. Oozing Out Here, one will have more or less the same symptoms as the person above but, what they won’t have, are the memories that go with them. One will then have moments when they feel depressed and even suicidal, yet they won’t have an idea as to why this. The time of their life that will shed light on why their life is the way that it is will be out of their reach. Nonetheless, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they won’t have other ideas as to why their life is the way that it is. False Reasons For example, one could believe that the reason that they experience life as they do is due to them having a chemical imbalance. Their brain chemicals will most likely be out of balance, but they won’t just randomly be this way. Another view that they could have is that how they are has got something to do with their DNA. Once again, there will be something wrong with them but it won’t have anything to do with their childhood years. Going Deeper Regardless of whether one is in touch with what took place or not, their early years would have been a time when they were pushed to the limit. This wouldn’t have been a time in their life when they felt safe, secure, loved and cared for, it would have typically been the complete opposite. Perhaps this was a time when they were physically abused on a regular basis, as well as neglected. The pain that they had to deal with would have probably been hard for most adults to experience, let alone a small child. A Living Hell Thanks to how dependent and powerless they were, they wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away. The main option would have been for them to disconnect from their body and to dissociate. Along with this, they may have often felt a strong need to die and for their life to end. This would have been seen as the only way for them to stop the pain that they were in and for their life to change. Given Up At this stage of their life, then, they would have lost the will to live and no longer wanted to inhabit their body or to be on planet earth. Many years will have passed since that stage of their life, but the part of them that no longer wanted to be alive will be inside them. This part of them or parts, as there are likely to be many split of parts inside them that want to die, will be having a massive impact on their adult self. So much so that one might not be able to detach from what is taking place and to observe what is going on. Awareness If one can relate to this, it will most likely be essential for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. The wounds that are inside them won’t heal overnight, yet their life will change if they keep going and don’t give up on themselves. If the will to heal is there, they will have the most important component in place.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was abused as a child, they might not realise that this is what actually took place. They can then have a number of different problems, but they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak.
One can have mental and emotional problems and their relationships can be anything but healthy, amongst other things. Furthermore, experiencing life in this way can simply be what they have become accustomed to. The Norm Therefore, not only won't they realise that their early years were abusive, they won’t realise that what they are going through is not normal. One is then going to have a very miserable existence and it will be as though this is just how life is. There could be moments when they think about ending their life, with this being seen as the only way for them to experience life differently. Being here will be too painful, so leaving here will be seen as the best thing for them to do. Another Scenario Then again, one could be only too aware of what took place when they were younger. What they are going through will then be seen as a consequence of what they experienced as a child. Still, this doesn’t mean that one will understand that their life doesn’t have to stay this way forever. They may believe that there is nothing that they can do about what is taking place. One Thing in Common Apart from the fact that both of these people will have had a traumatic childhood, they will also most likely believe that they deserved to be treated in this way. The reason for this is that as a child they would have been egocentric, which would have caused them to take everything personally. Thus, it was not that there was something wrong with their caregiver’s, it was that there was something inherently wrong with them. In reality, what took place had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with what was going on for their caregiver/s. Moving Forward If someone like this is able to reach out for support and starts to work through their inner wounds, it can still be a challenge for them to come to terms with what took place. They can wonder why they were treated as they were. Along with questioning why their parents treated them so badly, they can also question why they had the caregiver/s that they had. In this case, they won’t just be looking into what happened they will also be looking into the bigger picture. A Deeper Look If the latter takes place, it could show that they are religious or spiritual. Thanks to what they went through, it might be hard for them to accept that there is a loving being on the other side or a loving presence all around them. As if there was, they can believe that there would have been no reason for them to have experienced what they went through as a child. Regardless of whether they are religious or spiritual, it can be as if they were cast aside and left to suffer. One Outlook From this perspective, one can have a victim mentality that is hard for them to let go off. This will, of course, be supported by all the disempowering beliefs that they formed during their early years. For no apparent reason, they will have been punished by someone or something. Naturally, it will be perfectly normal for them to experience a fair amount of anger and even rage. A Process Providing that they continue to work through what comes up and don’t allow themselves to get too attached to this outlook, they may find that they start to view what took place differently. Through carrying less pain, it may open their mind up to seeing what took place in a different light. Instead of believing that they were being punished, they may come to believe that they needed to go through what they went through in order to experience life in a certain way. In other words, if their early years were different it would have stopped them from being able to achieve what they came here to achieve. A Higher Perspective This is an outlook that they wouldn’t have been able to have when they were consumed by their pain. Having this outlook doesn’t mean that they are happy with what took place; it means that they will understand why it had to take place. They may even believe that before they came here they chose to have this life, something the will prove that they are strong enough to handle it. The experiences that they had as a child would have allowed them to develop things that they probably wouldn’t have been able to develop any other way. Awareness When they get to this stage, what they went through can be seen as a gift as opposed to a curse. They will be able to assist those who are going through what they went through, if they so choose. To shine the light for those who are caught up in their own wounds and are unable to see a way out. If it wasn’t for what they went through, their ability to do this would be greatly diminished.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: What Beliefs Can Someone Have About Their True-Self If They Were Abused As A Child?17/12/2019
One thing that can happen, that’s if one was abused and/or neglected as a child, is that they may have disconnected from their true-self. Due to what took place, they can believe that they have to hide who they are.
Therefore, while living in this way will stop them from being able to be an authentic human being and to fully show up in life, it can be seen as the only way for them to survive. Now, this could be something that one is acutely aware of or it could be something that is just outside of their awareness. One Experience If one is aware of what is going on, they will still suffer but it’s just that they will have a certain level of awareness. In this case, one might realise that they typically hide who they are and put on an act. Thanks to this, their outer self is generally going to be out of sync with their inner self. The outcome of this is that one will be used to experiencing inner conflict and it is going to be hard for them to lead a fulfilling life. A Half-Life This could mean that one is not seen as successful or they could be seen as very successful. Nonetheless, no matter what is taking place externally, it won’t reflect who they truly are. As most of their life is going to be an act, one could feel as though no one knows who they actually are. So, even if they do have people in their life, they probably won’t feel close to them. Another Experience On the other hand, if one is not aware of what is going on, they can experience inner tension and their life is not going to be fulfilling but they won’t know why this is. Playing a role and doing what other people want could be something that just happens. A big part of them could believe that this is the right thing for them to do and that they are simply on this earth to meet other people’s needs. Nevertheless, there can be times when they feel frustrated and even empty. Connecting the Dots Irrespective of whether one is aware of their inner conflict and the fact that their life is not fulfilling or not, they can still be out of touch with why their life is this way. If they were to look back on what took place when they were younger, they might not be able to see that anything was wrong. Or, they could say that this time in their life wasn’t that bad and that their caregiver/s did the best that they could, for instance. Either way, they won’t be able to connect to what really took place and to see how what took place is still affecting their life. A Good Reason It would be easy to say that one is just in denial and is not willing to face what took place, yet there will be far more to it. What took place during their early years would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and to handle what took place, their mind would have had to block it out. If their mind didn’t instinctively respond in this way, their life may have come to an end when they were younger. The trouble is that although this would have kept them alive at this stage of their life, not being able to remember what took place now that they are an adult will cause them to suffer unnecessarily. Shinning the Light This is not to say that one needs to remember everything that took place, as this would be too much for them to handle. It might be enough for them to have a general sense that this time in their life wasn’t functional and, from here, they can start to heal the damage that was done to their being. It is likely that their mind will allow them to remember things as they are ready to remember them, not before. As this takes place, one will be able to see that they didn’t receive the love and care that they need in order to develop in the right way. The Outcome Consequently, their true-self, this relates to who they are when they are both in touch with their true needs and feelings and are able to express these elements, will have gone into hiding. To survive what was taking place, they would have had no other choice than to disconnect from who they were and to develop a false-self. Once again, this would have been something that just happened as opposed to something that they consciously chose to do. While this was going on, one would have formed a number of beliefs. The Foundations As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken everything personally. This would have caused them to conclude that there was something wrong with them instead of their caregiver/s. What this would have done is made one develop some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
Keeping the Past Alive Although these will only be beliefs now, they can be a reflection of what would have taken place if they didn’t hide who they were as a child. The years will have passed but as they are carrying these beliefs, it won’t be possible for them to truly put the past behind them. Existence or the universe, or whatever one wants to call it, doesn’t care if what they believe is true or not, it just mirrors back what they believe. Taking this into account, it will be essential for them to become aware of what they believe and to question these beliefs Awareness Additionally, they may have emotional wounds to heal and trauma to resolve. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: What Beliefs Can Someone Have About Other People If They Were Abused As A Child?16/12/2019
If someone was abused and/or neglected as a child, they might not have a favourable view of their fellow human beings. As a result of this, they will be part of the human race but they can feel the need to keep their distance from others.
Through being this way, their life is likely to be far harder than it would be otherwise. Instead of being part of the human race and having other people who are there for them, it can be as if they are all by themselves. An Analogy In the same way that an animal might feel completely alone and isolated if they are the only one left on the earth, one can feel the same way. Unlike this animal, however, one will look like others but they still won’t feel as though they have much in common with them. In general, they might do just about everything that they can do things by themselves and not to need anyone else. One could then be seen as someone who is ‘super independent, for example. The Norm And although one could have moments when they step back and wonder why their life is this way, this might not be the case. Due to how long their life has been this way for, they may have become accustomed to experiencing life in this way. What this can illustrate is that they are not aware of why their life is the way that it is, meaning that they may have forgotten about what took place when they were younger. This is likely to be something that just happened, not something that they consciously decided to do. Protection In order to protect them, their mind would have ended up blocking out what took place during their early years. If this hadn’t taken place, there is the chance that they might not even be alive. Nonetheless, while they won’t be able to remember what took place, what took place is still having an effect on their life. The memories will have been pushed down but one won’t have truly put the past behind them. Connected If one is aware of what took place, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to connect the dots, so to speak. What is taking place now that they are an adult can be seen as a continuation of their childhood, but that could be about as far as it will go. It is then not that their adult life is only the way that it is due to what they experienced as a child; it is that this is just how life is. This can show that one is fully caught up in what took place and hasn’t been able to detach from it. The Impact So, in addition of feeling alone and isolated, they could find that whenever they are around others, they typically don’t feel comfortable and find it hard to relax. Being around big groups of people could make them feel incredibly uneasy too. As for their personal relationships, they might not have anyone in their life that they are close to. If they were to look back on their life, they may see that they have spent time with a number of people that have lacked boundaries and were abusive in some way,. On Guard One could live somewhere that is relatively safe and yet, they could spend a lot of time feeling anxious, fearful and being on edge. Based on what often takes place in their mind and their body, it could be as though they are living in a warzone If this is the case, it is likely to mean that they will be used to experiencing a fair amount of adrenalin. Along with the time that they spend in fight mode, they could often spend time in flight mode, freeze mode and dissociate on a regular basis. Going In Due to what they experienced during the beginning of their life, they are likely to be carrying a fair amount of emotional wounds and trauma. Furthermore, there will be the beliefs that they formed. When it comes to the beliefs that they formed, these would have been conclusions that they came to based on what was taking place. But, while these conclusions would have reflected was going on at this point in time, they are just going to create problems now that they are an adult. Keeping the Past Alive Thanks to what they belief, it will be more or less impossible for them to see that not everyone on this planet is like their caregiver/s or anyone else that harmed them. These beliefs will cause them to see other human beings in the same way as they saw these people. When they were younger, they may have formed some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
Awareness If won’t matter that these are just beliefs as they will define how one perceives the world, have an effect on the thoughts and feelings that they have, and on the experiences that they have. With this in mind, it will be essential for them to bring these beliefs, along with any others that they have into the light and to question them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Someone like this can also help one to heal their emotional wounds and the trauma that they are likely to be carrying.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: What Beliefs Can Someone Have About Their Own Worth If They Were Abused As A Child?15/12/2019
One of the effects of early abuse and/or neglect is that one can have no sense of their own value as an adult. Deep down, they can feel as though they have absolutely no value whatsoever.
As a result of this, it will probably be hard for them to feel comfortable in their own skin and they might not realise that they deserve to receive anything. Naturally, experiencing life in this way is not going to be very fulfilling. How Life Is Still, while experiencing life in this way is not going to be very fulfilling, it could just be what is normal. Therefore, they could simply tolerate what is going on and not try to do anything about it. However, if they have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember why would they try to do anything about it? It might not even occur to them that their life could be any different. Unaware What this could illustrate is that one is not aware of how their early years have affected their adult life. In fact, what took place when they were younger might not be too clear or it could be one big mystery. If they were to think about this stage of their life, they may say that it wasn’t that bad or they might not be able to remember anything. This is likely to show that their mind has blocked out the memories of what took place in order to protect them. Two Sides On one side, this is a good thing as it will have made it easier to handle life, but on the other side, it will have stopped them from being able to see why their life is the way that it is. Due to how much pain there is inside them, coming to terms with what took place could be too much for them to handle. As a result of what took place when they were younger, they are likely to be carrying a lot of emotional pain and trauma. To stop them from being overwhelmed, then, their mind will generally keep most of this locked away. Is Still There So their mind will have blocked the past out, but what took place will still be defining their life. Thus, one is not going to know what took place, yet they won’t have been able to actually move on from what took place and to put the past behind them. It will be a bit like a bin that is not fully sealed; most of what is in the bin will stay there but some of what is in there will fall out. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one might not remember what took place but they will still experience the same thoughts, feelings and sensations that they experienced all those years ago. Missing Out During this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have received the love, support and attunement that they needed to be able to develop a sense of value. If they did, they would know at the core of their being that they have worth and are valuable. And this wouldn’t have been because of what they did, looked like or achieved, but because of who they were. With this in place, it would have given them the ability to just be. The Consequences So in addition to not feeling comfortable in their own skin or as though they deserve to receive anything, they can spend a lot of time in doing mode and have the tendency to experience negative thoughts and feelings. Their need to do things will be a result of their need to prove that they have value, as they won’t feel valuable on the inside. When it comes to their inner world, they could have a strong inner critic and they may spend a lot of time feeling low and depressed, with their being moments when they feel suicidal. The Foundations Were Laid What is also going to have a big impact on how they experience life as an adult are the beliefs that they formed during their early years. These beliefs would have been conclusions that they came to at this time. As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, what was taking place would have been taken personally. Doing this would have also given them a sense of control, as if they were responsible for what was going on, they would have been able to do something about it. A Closer Look At this stage of their life, they may have formed some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
These Are All False These beliefs, along with any others that one might have, have no basis in reality. A big part of them may disagree with this and this is simply due to how long they have carried these beliefs for. It wouldn’t matter if one had carried these beliefs for thousands of years, it still doesn’t make them true. What is true is that one has inherent worth; inherent worth that won’t disappear no matter how many layers of rubbish they pick up. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are people on this planet that have a sense of their own value and then there are those that don’t. It can be as though some people were born with this in place, while others weren’t.
Still, even though it might seem as though this is something that someone is born with, there is far more to it. In general, it is someone’s early years that define whether or not they will have a sense of their own value as an adult. An Incredibly Important Time Therefore, if they are treated in the right way during this stage of their life, their adult life will be far easier than it would be otherwise. Additionally, thanks to what they received as a child, they will typically have the inner strength and resilience to be able to handle life as an adult. If one was treated in the right way during this time and has a sense of their own value as an adult, this is likely to be what is normal. Due to this, they might not even realise how beneficial their early years were. A Closer Look When one has a sense of their own value, it will mean that their value won’t be based on what they do or how they look, for instance. It will be something that is inside them and not based on anything external. Through having this in place, they will be able to feel comfortable in their own skin and know, at a deeper level, that they deserve to receive things. They will probably be aware that there will be times when they will need to take action and to put the effort in, but they won’t need to do these things to justify their own existence or to prove anything. A Different Reality On the other hand, when one doesn’t have a sense of their own value, their value will be seen as something that is defined by what they do, what they achieve and/or how they look, amongst other things. In other words, their value will be on the outside, not on the inside. This is then going to make it hard for them to feel comfortable in their own skin and to realise that they deserve to receive things. In a way, it will be as if they have about as much value as a piece of rubbish on the ground. A Tough Existence At the same time, they might not even feel as though they have as much value as a piece of rubbish. As while a piece of rubbish might be able to be recycled and used for something, they could believe that they have no use whatsoever. Through having this view of themselves, they could experience life in one of two ways. Either they could typically embrace how they feel or they could typically do just about everything that they can to avoid how they feel. The First Experience If one typically embraces how they feel, they could be in a position where they haven’t achieved very much. They could have an existence that is very basic and they might have very little interest in doing anything about this. This can also mean that they are used to feeling very low and depressed, with them having moments when they think about ending their life. Their relationships could be anything but fulfilling, that’s if they have anyone in their life. The Second Experience If one typically denies how they feel, they could be in a position where they have achieved a lot. Consequently, they could be seen as successful and have all the trappings that are associated with success. This could mean that they are used to feeling powerful and as though they are better than others. They could have plenty of people in their life, but even if they do, their relationships could be very superficial. Stuck On a Treadmill The trouble is that no matter what this person achieves or attains, it is unlikely to have a lasting effect on how they feel. If they stop behaving in this way and allow themselves to just be - to be a human being as opposed to a human doing - they could end up being overwhelmed by how they feel. If both of these peoples early years were different, their adult life would most likely be different. Ultimately, this is likely to have been a time when they were neglected. Going Back Perhaps they were left from time to time or this might have been how things were more or less all of the time. And as they had no way of knowing what was going on and were egocentric at this stage of their life, it would have caused them to believe that they were left because there was something inherently wrong with them. Not only this, one wouldn’t have received the love, care and attunement that they needed in order to develop in the right way. They might not have been starved of food, but they would have certainly been emotionally starved. Awareness As Conrad W. Barrs goes into in his book ‘Born Only Once’, they wouldn’t have had a second birth. They would have had a physical birth, but they wouldn’t have received what they needed to have an emotional birth. One will have taken the first step by becoming aware of this; the second will be for them to do something about it. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: What Beliefs Can Someone Have About Their Own Existence If They Were Abused As A Child?6/12/2019
If someone was abused and/or neglected as a child, it may have stopped them from realising that they deserve to be here. As a result of what took place, it can be as if they have no right to be on this planet.
What took place at this stage of their life will then define how they experience life now that they are an adult. However, just because this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that one will be aware of this. How Life Is Furthermore, now that one is an adult, they might not even remember what took place when they were younger. If they were to try to connect to what took place when they were a small child, it could just be one big blur. What this is likely to show is that due to how painful this stage of their life was, their mind ended up blocking it out in order to protect them. Another factor here is that what they experienced may have had an impact on the parts of their brain that deal with memory. Two Parts Their mind would have just blocked out what took place; this wouldn’t have been something that they consciously chose to do. This is a good thing or what took place could have wiped them out. As for their brain being affected, this would have been a consequence of how much stress they were under. The amount of stress that they experienced would have been too much for their developing brain to handle. The Evidence Is There Nonetheless, regardless of whether one is aware of what took place or not, there are likely to be a number of things that more or less prove that their early years were anything but nurturing. Thanks to the impact that their early years had on them and what they came to believe during this time, their adult life is unlikely to be very fulfilling. Most of their time on this earth could be spent trying to justify their own existence. What this means is that it will probably be a challenge for them to just be and to receive what they need to be able to survive, let alone thrive. One Big Struggle In general, they could find that no matter how hard they work or what they contribute, they don’t receive much in return. They could also find that they often feel as though they don’t belong. In a way, it could be like their life is a party that they haven’t formally been invited to. The difference is that while one would just be able to leave a party, they won’t just be able to leave the earth. Staying Small When it comes to how they come across, they might not have good posture. Their shoulders could typically be arched forward and their head could be down, which will be a reflection of the fact that they don’t feel welcome on this earth. Additionally, they might not speak very clearly or loudly, and they could do what they can to make sure that they don’t take up much room. And when they are around others, they could be happy to let other people take control and to stay hidden in the background. The Foundations Now, there will be the effect that their early trauma is having on them and there will also be the effect that their beliefs are having on them. When it comes to what they believe, a lot of these beliefs will most likely be a reflection of what they experienced as a child. So now that they are an adult they will just be beliefs, but when they were younger, they would have been an accurate reflection of reality. The trouble is that although this stage of their life has passed, it won’t be possible for them to realise this unless they deal with what they believe. Keeping the Past Alive Based on what they experienced as a child, they may have some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
They Are All Lies Ultimately, these beliefs, along with any others that one may have, are not the truth. As one is on this planet, it means that they deserve to be here and have as much right as anyone else to exist. By bringing these beliefs out into the light and questioning them, along with working through the trauma that is likely to be inside them, their life will gradually change. They will still live on the same planet, yet as they are different their experience on this earth will be different. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In recent years, a lot has been said about the importance of being present and living in the moment. Numerous books have been written about it and there have even been programs on TV that go into this.
This surely shows that this is something that is a challenge for a lot of people; if this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for this to be given so much attention. When someone is present and in the moment, they are going to be firmly rooted in their body. Here, Now Through being in their body, they will be able to embrace what is taking place in the present moment. As a result of this, it will be possible for them to respond to life as opposed to react to it. They will be aware of what their feelings and needs are, too, which will make it easier for them to live a fulfilling life. Not being stuck in their head is going to stop them from getting caught up in what has happened and what may happen in the future. Less Pressure Living in this way is going to allow one to lead a life that is far less stressful than that it would be otherwise. By living in the moment, one won’t try to work everything out; they will be able to trust in the process of life. Furthermore, by living in the now and doing what they need to do, their life is more likely to go in the right direction. If they were somewhere else, this wouldn’t happen and they would be setting themselves up for all kinds of problems further down the line. A Real Challenge However, while living in the moment will allow one to function at their best and to embrace the life that they have been given, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to do this. Or if they can, it could be something that rarely takes place. In general, they could have very little connection to the present moment or themselves for that matter. When this takes place, it could be as if they are somewhere else and are not rooted in anything substantial. Not Real This could then be a time when it is as though they are watching someone else experience life, not actually living life themselves. And through being disconnected from their body, they could wonder if they even exist. There could be times when their mind goes blank and it might take a while before they are able to come back down to earth, so to speak. Once they are able to reconnect to themselves, it might not be long until the same thing happens again. The Consequences Living in this way is going to make it a challenge for them to be present that much is clear. What this is also likely to do is to make it hard for them to know what their needs are, and this could cause them to neglect themselves, to over or under eat, and to be late for appointments, amongst other things. Another thing they may struggle with is remembering what people tell them and remembering to do things. This is likely to come down to the fact that they have the tendency to zone out when they are around others. Both Areas If this is so, being this way is likely to have a negative effect on their career and on their personal relationships. It may have stopped them from being able to move forward in their career and it may have even caused them to lose at least one job. As for their relationships, they may have been accused of not listening to what other people say. One can then come across as rude or indifferent, yet this won’t be something that they are choosing to do. What is going on? If they were to try to be present and to longer disconnect from themselves during moments like this, they may find that they don’t get very far. Thanks to this, they could end up blaming themselves and believing that there is something inherently wrong with them. If they were able to take a step back and reflect on what takes place before this happens, they may find that they feel overwhelmed. Taking this into account, they would be able to embrace the present moment more if they didn’t spend so much time feeling overwhelmed. The Trigger What this is likely to show is that they are carrying trauma and, whenever this trauma is triggered, they end up dissociating from themselves. This trauma can be brought up to the surface whenever they hear a certain smell, sound or word. Then again, simply being around someone else or other people can be enough to bring it up. This could be trauma that one has carried since the beginning of their life, with this being a time in their life when they were abused and/or neglected. A Traumatic Time During this part of their life, their whole system would have been overwhelmed on a regular basis. To handle what was taking place and to stay alive, they would have had to disconnect from their body. Their being would have been too undeveloped to handle what was taking place and they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Leaving their body would have been a survival mechanism that was utilised without them needing to do anything. Awareness Many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but the trauma that they experienced will still be inside them. Until this is dealt with, it won’t take a lot for them to be overwhelmed If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was abused as a child, it might be possible for them to see that their childhood was anything but nurturing. However, if they were neglected during this stage of their life, this might not be possible.
The reason for this is that when it comes to abuse, someone might be able to see that they were hit or put down, for instance. Yet, when it comes to neglect, one might not be able to think of anything bad that took place. A Forgotten Time Therefore, although both abuse and neglect can be something that can’t be remembered, it doesn’t alter the fact that early abuse is more likely to stand out. And when early abuse and/or neglect are blocked out, it is likely to be because of how painful it was. To get in touch with what took place could be too much for them to handle. There is also the chance that what they experienced as a child had an effect on the parts of their brain that are involved in memory, which is why they can’t remember anything. Looking Back If someone was neglected as a child, and they were to look back on this stage of their life, they might see it as a relatively normal childhood. They might see that were times when they were lonely but that could be about as far as it goes. If their basic needs were met, such as their need for food, clothing and shelter, they could say that this proves that everything was fine. They could say that their caregiver/s did the best that they could. The Evidence Still, without even going into what their adult life is like, what is likely to prove that this was a time in their life when they didn’t receive the love that they needed are their feelings. If they were able to get in touch with how they feel, they could find that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain. Just as the remains of a building would provide an archaeologist with the evidence that is needed; ones feelings will provide them with the evidence that is needed. These won’t be feelings that have been created by their thoughts; they will be feelings that are held in their body and are a reflection of what took place when they were a child. The Experience When it comes to the feelings that are held in their body, there can the sadness, loss, helplessness, hopelessness, rejection, and abandonment that are held in their chest area. Further down, in their stomach, can be the feeling of being powerless, worthless and having no control. In their hip area can fear, terror and the feeling of wanting to die. As an adult, these feelings might not make sense, but if they were to imagine that they were small child that had been left, a child that didn’t have the ability to handle their emotions and being left at this age was seen as something that would cause them to die, they might make complete sense. The Symptoms The feelings that they experienced during this stage of their life can be feelings that they are accustomed to feeling now that they are an adult. There could also be moments when they shut down emotionally and are unable to connect with how they feel. So as a result of not receiving the love and care that they needed during this stage of their life, they are likely be in an undeveloped state. They probably won’t be able to handle their emotions and they could have a weak sense of self. All at Sea If they are unable to handle their emotions, their emotional self could have the tendency to take over. When this happens, one is going to feel as though they have no control and it can be incredibly painful. What this will come down to is that they didn’t receive the attunement that they needed as a child to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions - this is not an ability that one is born with. And, as there was no one available on a consistent basis, one would have had to disconnect from their feelings (body) in order to survive. Starved of Attention Not only would this have had a negative impact on their emotional development, it would have also stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self. As an adult, then, one can find that it is hard for them to know what they want and to maintain who they are around others. They could then have the inclination to do what other people want and to lose themselves around others. One will have their own body, but it will be hard for them to express who they are, their true-self, and to live a life that reflects who they are. At The Root Another thing that one may find is that it is hard to feel good about themselves and to be comfortable in their own skin. What this is likely to come down to is that they were egocentric as a child, meaning that they would have taken everything personally. In reality, what took place had everything to do with their caregiver’s and absolutely nothing to do with them. Still, one can believe that there is something inherently with them and they can carry a lot of toxic shame, with this being partly due to the interpersonal bridge between them and their caregiver/s being broken. Awareness There are just some of the symptoms that can arise if one was neglected as a child. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. There will be the beliefs that one needs to deal with, the emotional wounds that they need to heal, and the trauma that they need to resolve.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online. Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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