If one was asked if they would like to do something by a friend or a family member, for instance, they could give them their answer more or less straight away. But if this doesn’t take place, it could mean that one will need to think about it first.
How they behave is going to depend on a number of different factors. Naturally, there are going to be moments in their life when they can give someone an answer instantly, and moments when it will be necessary for them to take their time. Now or Never Along with this, there are likely to be times when they will have to make up their mind instantly. During these moments, it could relate something that is going to happen straight away. Therefore, if they can’t make up their mind, they will miss out on an opportunity to do something. However, if one didn’t have the ability to take a step back and to think about things when this isn’t the case, it would also cause them problems. Two Options One could end up going along with something that doesn’t interest them, or they could miss out on something that does. So, through being able to do both of these things, it will make life a lot easier. This doesn’t mean that one will always make the right decisions, but this is simply part of life. Ultimately, one is not perfect, and this is why it is not going to be possible for them to always make the right decision. In Tune As one can behave in this way, what it is likely to show is that they are in touch with their needs and feelings. And it is through having a connection with themselves that they can do what is best for them. What this will also show is that they feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. If this wasn’t the case, what is taking place with them is unlikely to have much of an effect on their life. Just Information One would then have moments when they are aware of their needs and feelings, but that would be as far as it goes. Or, if they do listen to what is taking place within them, it will be the exception as opposed to the rule. What this shows is how important it is for one to feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. When one does feel safe enough to do this, there will be no reason for them to have the tendency to please other people. Real If one says yes, it is typically going to be because they mean it, and this means that they will also be able to say no. In fact, if it wasn’t possible for them to say no, it could be said that it wouldn’t be possible for them to say yes. But when one can say no to others, it will show that they feel conformable enough to stand their ground. And as they can do this, it will show that they can say yes and actually mean it. The Ideal Other people might get sense that they are not someone who is going to be mucked around. But even if they don’t feel this way around them, they would find out what they are like if they tried to walk over them. Therefore, if someone tried to abuse them in some way, they wouldn’t feel comfortable with what is taking place. Yet, while this is going to be the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone can relate to. One Option One could be in a position where they have the tendency to say yes to other people. If someone else was to hear about this, they could believe that this is a good thing; with this being seen as something that will allow them to embrace life. But while this can be seen as the best way to experience life, it is going to cause them to suffer. There will, of course, be the opportunities that they are able to accept, but there will also be moments when other people walk over them. False-Self Instead of one being able to listen to their own needs and feelings, they will be focused on other people’s needs and feelings. Their main priority is not going to be to please themselves; it will be to please other people. Other people could describe them as being easy going and enjoy being around them, but this is going to be nothing more than an act. There will be the emotional pain they experience through neglecting their own needs and feelings, and there can be the pain they experience through being treated badly by others. A Closer Look This could be how one has experienced life for as long as they can remember, and they might not even be in touch with their real needs and feelings. One is then behaving as though they are simply an extension of other people. But as one is an individual with their own feelings and needs, it can be hard to understand why they would behave in this way. What this is likely to show is that their childhood was a time when it wasn’t possible for them to develop a sense of self. Awareness This may have been a time when they had to fulfil their caregiver/s needs, and this would have been a matter of survival. Focusing on other people’s needs would then have been what felt safe, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong connection with themselves. If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to get in touch with their true self, and to feel comfortable enough to allow this part of them to define their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If one was to come into contact with someone who tried to take advantage of them, they could end up letting the other person know that this is not acceptable. This might take place through telling them directly and/or they could walk away.
It will then be clear that one is not willing to put up with this kind of behaviour, and it might not matter who it is. When something like this happens, they could instantly end up feeling uncomfortable. Action Through feeling this way, the next step will be for them to do something about what has taken place. What this is likely to show is that one has a clear idea of what is and what isn’t acceptable. And through being this way, it is going to mean that one has the ability to look after themselves. There is also the chance that the people they spend time with are only too aware of this. Feedback One could be seen as someone who is assertive, and this could be something that they admire about them. These people could also behave in the same way, or some of them might like to behave in the same way. If one of their friends is used to being walked over, they could spend a lot of time thinking about how one is able to do what they do. Along with this, there could also be moments when one tells them that they need to stand their ground. Intimacy When it comes to their love life or the people they date, they are likely to have a clear idea about what they will and won’t put up with. One is then not going to allow their emotions to get in the way and to stop them from being able to draw the line. But if this doesn’t happen, and they do allow someone to walk over them, it could be something rarely takes place. Yet, as they have good boundaries, there is a strong chance that they will generally attract people who also have good boundaries. Normal If one was to take a step back and to look into how long they have been this way, they may find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. It might be a challenge for them to get in touch with when their life was different. At the same time, their life might not have been this way for a long time, and they will be only too aware of when people walked over them. What this can show is that they got to the point where they were no longer willing to experience life in this way. A Transitional Period One may have got so fed up with being walked over, that they could no longer take it anymore. Or, someone else might have told them that they don’t need to tolerate this kind of behaviour, and this might have caused them to look into what they could do. Through being fed up or receiving advice from another person, it would have allowed them to gradually change their life. There would have been a number of different factors that defined how long it took them to move forward. Part of Life However, while there are going to be people who don’t allow others to walk over them, there are going to be plenty of people who do. Through being this way, they could be used to feeling like a door mat. One could feel as though they have no way of protecting themselves when they are around others. But while this is going to have a negative effect on them, they could believe that they don’t have a choice. Powerless What is taking place is going to stop them from being able to be themselves and to listen to their own needs, but it will be seen as something they have to put up with. At a deeper level, they may believe that they deserve to be treated in this way. So even if one was to get angry about what is taking place, another part of them is going to feel comfortable with it. And as this part of them is stronger than the other part, it will be what controls their behaviour. An Inner Change In order for one to no longer put up with this behaviour, it will be important for them to realise that they don’t deserve to be walked over. This will give them strength to stand their ground and to say ‘no’ when they need to. It might be hard for one to understand why they would feel this way; especially as it is causing them to be harmed by others. And as they don’t stand their ground, other people could still walk over them even if they don’t intend to. Self-Worth When one doesn’t value themselves enough to stand their ground, it can be a sign that they feel worthless. At one point in their life, they may have been treated badly, and this would then have set them up to feel this way. If one has been this way for as long as they can remember, it could mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. At this stage of their life, they might have been treated like an object or a thing. Their needs and feelings would have been overlooked, and their boundaries would have been crossed. Therefore, how they are treated as an adult is simply a continuation of how they were treated as a child. Awareness It might then be a good idea for one to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to work through what is taking place within them and to realise their value.
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If one wanted travel to another country, there is a strong chance that they would need to have a passport. In addition to this, they may also find that they need to get a visa.
This could be something that doesn’t bother them, and they are then not going to have the need to think about whether the world should be this way. One might simply want to get everything sorted so that they can go to where they need to go. Part of Life There is a strong chance that this is something they have always had to do, and so there is going to be no reason for it to stand out. If they were to have moments when they think about how differently their life would be if they could just go wherever they wanted to go, it is not going to go any further. It could be the same as if one was to think about how different their life would be if they could fly or teleport to other places. This will be something that won’t have a big effect on their life. Another Outlook On the other hand, this might be something that one has spent a certain amount of time thinking about. One may see that their life would be easier if they didn’t need to have a passport and a visa to travel the world. But at the same time, they might believe that there are a number of reasons as to why the world is this way. What they have to go through to go to another country is then going to be worth it in the long run. The other Side If one can’t relate to this, they may believe that this is something that needs to change. As far as they are concerned, they should be allowed to go where they want to go on this planet. And as this can’t take place, it shows that they are not a free human being; instead, people out there are trying to control them. Along with this, one could also spend a lot of time thinking about the people who live in other countries who are not allowed to leave. The Ideal Therefore, if it was down to them, they would be able to go wherever they wanted to, and the people around them would be able to do the same thing. After all, one is a citizen of the world, and they could believe that no one has the right to tell them where they can or can’t go. Through having this outlook, one may look into what they can do to make their dream a reality. What this could cause them to do is to get into politics, and there is likely to be a party that wants the same thing as they do. Support The other political parties can then be seen as being stuck in the past, and it could be hard for them to comprehend why they don’t want to have open borders. Through throwing their weight behind a party, they will probably come across other people who have the same outlook. But even if they didn’t go this far, they could still be surrounded by people who want what they do. It is then not going to be as if they will be all by themselves, and this will give them the strength to keep going. One Side When someone wants open borders, it can show that believe that there is nothing good about having closed borders. Or, if there is anything good about it, the good is outweighed by the bad. Thus, there is going to be no reason for the world to stay as it is; the right thing will be for the world to be one big country. This will then allow their dream to become a reality, and it could be seen as something that will end a lot of the suffering in the world. Another Angle One approach would be to look into what might happen if this was to become a reality. Naturally, there are going to be good things that would come out of it, and there would be things that are not so good. Yet as one as one is talking about something that they haven’t experienced, it can be hard for them to truly understand what it would be like. In the same way that one can believe that their life will be perfect when they meet ‘the one’; it can stop them from being able to have a balanced outlook. Back To Reality With this is mind, one can gain a better understanding of what open borders would be like if they were to imagine what it would be like if they didn’t have boundaries. The reason for this is that the borders around a country are generally there to protect the country. When it comes to their personal life, having boundaries allow them to define what they do and don’t let into their life, and they allow them to feel safe enough to be themselves, amongst other things. What this means is that if one doesn’t have boundaries, it would be the same as having open borders. Exposed Now, clearly there are going to be people out there who wouldn’t take advantage of them, even if though they didn’t have boundaries. The world is made up of all types of people after all. Just as If one didn’t have a fence around their house and they didn’t lock their door at night, it doesn’t mean that everyone who walks past their house will walk on their garden or walk into their house. However, there are going to be people out there who would take advantage of them, and these people will be only too happy to walk all over their garden and to go into their house and take whatever they can. Conclusion If one was to believe that everyone has good intentions and that no one out there wants to take advantage of them or to steal anything from their house, it would show that they are incredibly naive. And through being this way, they would probably be used to being walked over and their house may have been burgled a few times. What this shows is that while certain things can sound good in theory, it doesn’t mean that they are good in practice. When boundaries are not in place, a number of problems are going to arise.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Boundaries: Does Someone Need To Embrace Their Feminine Nature Is They Find It Hard To Say Yes?18/2/2017
If one has boundary problems, they may end up hearing about how important it is to be able to say no. This could be a time when one will come across information that will talk about how they need to be assertive and to draw the line.
Through being able to behave in this way, it will allow them to fulfil their own needs and to protect themselves. On the other hand, if they are unable to do this, they will end up being walked over. A Door Mat It is then not going to matter if another person wants to take advantage of them, as this will take place anyway. For example, if someone asks them if they would like to do something and they end up saying yes, that will have been their own decision. It won’t be as if the other person has told them they need to do something and tried to force them. But even though this is the case, one could wonder why they said yes and feel as though they want to get away. Stuck And while one could face up to what has taken place, they could also end up blaming the other person. It can then be as if the other person made them say yes, and they can end up feeling like a victim. Therefore, whether they were asked if they would like to do something or forced to do something, they can end up having the same experience. As they are unable to stand their ground, it will probably affect just about every area of their life. Career When it comes to their job, the might only be able to get to a cetin level, and this can be because they are too easy going. The kind of assuredness that they would need to the next level is not going to be there. Or, if they have been able to make progress in this area of their life, it could be a challenge for other people to listen to them. They could see them a pushover and there will then be no reason for them to respect them. Personal Relationships As for what it is like with their friends and family, it might not be a lot better for them. When they are with their family, they might find it hard to express themselves and to be taken seriously. One could be seen as the one who doesn’t cause a fuss and is happy to go along with what other people want. This will allow one to please others but it won’t allow them to please themselves. Dating If this is what it is like with their friends and family, it is unlikely to be any different when it comes to their love life. When they spend time with someone, they could find that they give far more than they receive. This could mean that this part of their life is simply not very fulfilling, but it could be even worse than this. What this could come down to is that they may have been with people who are abusive. Undermined One can then be in a position where their mental and emotional health is affected through being around the wrong people and their body could also pay the price. And if this isn’t due to the stress they experience, it will due the result of being physically harmed. It is then clear to see why one would need to be able to stand their ground and to say no at the right moments. Through being able to do this, it will make it a lot easier for them to express their true-self. Balance One will then have the ability to say yes at the right moments and to say no at the right moments. This is not to say that they will always make the right decision; what it will mean is that they will have a choice. In the past, they would have only had one option and this is why their life would have been so difficult. Yet, if one was to go from one extreme to the other, their life would be just as bad as it was before. Cut-Off While it would have been a challenge for them to stand their ground before, this can be something that is no longer an issue. Before they will have let in too much, but now they won’t be able to let anything in. And although one can end up being this way after saying yes all the time, they could be how they have experienced life for as long as they can remember. If they are able to embrace life, it could be something that doesn’t happen very often. On The Outside If they were to reflect on their life, it could seem as though they are on the subs bench looking over at the players who have been chosen to play. It is then going to be normal for their needs to go unmet, and they might have moments when they disconnect from them. As one is an interdependent human being, they are going against their own nature when they are unable to say yes. In order for them to function at their best, it will be vital for them to be able to open themselves up at the right time. A Closer Look What this can show is that their younger years were a time when they were taken advantage of, and this then caused them to close off from life. At this time, it could have been what kept them alive, but now that time has passed, it is simply causing them to suffer unnecessarily. The ability to embrace life and to receive can be seen as what happens when one feels comfortable with their feminine nature. When one is comfortable with their masculine nature, they will be able to stand their ground. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to look into what is taking place and to move forward.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Boundaries: Does Someone Need To Embrace Their Masculine Nature If They Are Unable To Say No?18/2/2017
If one is asked if they would like to do something, they could end up saying yes. This could show that they actually want to do what the person has suggested, and there will then have been no reason for them to say anything else.
A Wonderful Experience This could then be a time when one will have a really good time, and once the experience has come to an end, they could end up going over what happened. It will then be only too clear that they did the right thing by saying yes. One could even think about how they would have missed out if they had simply said no and carried on with what they were doing. They wouldn’t be feeling as they do at this time and it would have stopped them from having a great experience. Open To the World What this can show is that one is able to say yes to life, and to embrace the opportunities that come their way. It could then be said that one is in touch with their feminine nature and that they feel comfortable with this part of themselves. Through being this way, it allows them to receive; whereas if this wasn’t the case, they would probably keep everything at bay. One could then be someone who observes life and is unable to experience it. Closed Off What this could mean is that one will have moments when they will give, but that they will rarely have moments when they receive. Naturally, this is going to cause them to be out of balance. One may find that they often feel as though they are running on empty, and as though they live in a dessert. Their needs are rarely, if ever, going to be met, and so it is to be expected that their life will be a struggle. Drawing the Line Saying no is then not something that is going to be a challenge for them, but it is not going to make them happy. If they were able to not only say no but to say yes from time to time, it would allow them to embrace the other side of their nature. Their feminine nature would end up being embraced and this would allow their life to be far more fulfilling. And whether one is a man or a woman is irrelevant; as both sexes have the masculine and feminine within them. A Different Life When one experiences life in this way, their life is going to be radically different to how someone experiences life when they can accept both sides. Yet if they don’t understand why there is a difference, they could come to see other people as being different. This could then cause them to believe that someone like this is luckier than they are or more fortunate, for instance. If this was to take place, one could feel as though they have no control over their life. The Other Side It could then seem as though one is either able to take life in or they end up saying no most of the time. What can also take place is that one can end up saying yes practically all the time and this is going to be just as bad. Now, this is going to allow them to embrace life to a certain degree, but what it will also mean is that one is unable to protect themselves. They are generally going to be focus on doing what other people want (or what they think they want). Neglect The needs of others are going to come first and their own needs are typically going to end up being overlooked. Clearly, there is a time and a place to be there for others, but if this is the norm, it will cause one to suffer. There is the chance that one is not even aware of their own needs, and this is not going to be much of a surprise if they have been this way for a long time. They could end up believing that other people’s needs are their own. Walked Over One may find that there are times when saying yes won’t have a negative effect on them, and this will have a positive effect on their life. Even so, this could be something that doesn’t happen very often. What one could be used to is being taken advantage of by others, and this is going to make it hard for them to lead a fulfilling life. It could be as if other people don’t recognise them as being a separate person. Going Deeper If this is how one has experienced life for as long as they can remember, it can show that what took place during their early years is defining what is taking place in their adult life. When they were younger, they have been brought up by someone who didn’t respect their boundaries. One may have been seen as an extension of them, and this is then why they walked over them. If one spoke up about what took place and tried to stand their ground, they may have been abused and/or neglected. Disconnected Their masculine nature, the part of them that wasn’t willing to put up with this, had to be silenced in order for them to survive. If they didn’t do this, they would have ended up being harmed even more. Awareness So while this kept them alive when they were younger, it is now stopping them from being able to stand their ground and to be assertive. It is then going to be vital for them to embrace this part of themselves. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist. There might be emotional pain within them that needs to be dealt with and trauma.
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If one was walked over by someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will have literally put their feet on their body. What it can also mean is that another person has violated their personal space.
When this happens, the other person won’t have respected their boundaries, and this will naturally have a negative effect on them. This could then cause one to speak up about what has taken place, or they could act as if nothing has happened. A Different Interpretation If one was to speak up or to assert themselves, it could show that they are not willing to put up with this kind of behaviour. It is then not going to matter who walked over them, as they will stand their ground. What this could illustrate is that one has good boundaries, and this is what will allow them to realise when they have been walked over. The alternative would be for one to simply tolerate what has occurred, and this might then show that this is what feels comfortable. The Difference If the person who asserted themselves felt comfortable being treated in this way, they would also allow people to violate them. Based on this, it is not that these people are inherently different; it is that what is taking place within them is different. Yet, when someone is walked over by others on a regular basis, they can believe that this is something that is out of their control. In fact, one could see themselves as a victim, and there is then going to be nothing that they can do. Normal When one experiences life in this way, being walked over could take place all the time, and it might not matter where they are. Not only could they be walked over by the same sex, they could also be walked over by the opposite sex. Or, if this is not how they experience life, they could find that this is something that takes place when they are with the opposite sex. But if one was to take a step back and to look back on their life, they may find that it is not just limited to one sex. At Work During their time at work, this could be something that their manager does, and their colleagues could also do the same thing. One could then feel as though people don’t respect them or listen to what they have to say. And while one might end up being abused, they could just find that they are worn down in this environment. From the outside, it might not look as though anything is happening, but each thing will build-up and affect their wellbeing. Family Life When they spend time around their family, it might not be much better, and they might be happy to keep their distance. One might also feel as though they have to see them, and they might then just imagine how much better their life would be if they could keep them at bay. Their needs and feelings could end up being completely overlooked when they see them, and it could be as if they are just an extension of their family. One may find that they become who their family want them to be (or who they think they want them to be). The Easiest Option If one was to go along with how they were treated, it will cause them a lot of pain, but it would be a lot easier than fighting them. One could believe that the only way to have them in their life is to put up with their bad behaviour. After they have spent time with their family, they could end up feeling drained, and it could take them a little while to recover. There is also the chance that they don’t live close to their family, and this could then stop them from having to go through all this on a regular basis. Relationships However, even if this is the case, they are still likely to spend time with people who take a lot from them. If they are in a relationship, they might wonder why they are with them, and this could show that they are with someone who is abusive. This person might not be interested in treating them as an individual, and they might only be interested in taking advantage of them. There could be moments when one will speak up and let them know how they feel, but it could be dismissed. True-Self Ultimately, it is going to be a challenge for one to be themselves and, unless this changes, they will continue to suffer. Yet, although one can believe that their life will only change if other people do, this is not going to get them very far. The only thing this will do is cause them to feel helpless and hopeless, and they might believe that they need to be saved. Through having this outlook, it is highly unlikely that their life will change. A Closer Look If one was to see that being walked over is what feels comfortable at a deeper level, it might be hard for them to understand. What happened during the beginning of their life may have been what set them up to experience life in this way. There is a strong chance that they were brought up by someone who lacked boundaries, and this would have stopped them from being able to respect one’s boundaries. If one was to assert themselves when they were younger, they may have ended up being harmed and/or neglected. Awareness One would then have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves; the best thing would have been for them to allow others to walk over them. This would have been a matter of survival. The years have then passed but one is still experiencing life in the same way, and the only way it will change is if they change. One way for one to change their life will be to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Stop Someone From Being Able To Get In Touch With Their Needs?9/2/2017
If one was to go out for a meal with a friend, it is likely to show that they both have the need to do so. This will not only allow them to fulfil their need to eat something, it will also allow them to fulfil a number of other needs.
A Match Therefore, although they are both individuals, their needs have brought them together. But even when they are together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their needs will always be the same. During this time, they could both have a number of different needs that they won’t be able to fulfil. Nevertheless, the needs that they are able to fulfil will more than make up for the needs that they are unable to. Part of Life One way of looking at this would be to say that this is something that can’t be avoided, and this is because human beings are not all the same. If everyone had the same needs, and they experienced each need at the same time, this wouldn’t be the case. Yet as this is not how life is, one will have to overlook certain needs when they spend time with someone. Yet, once their time together has come to an end, one might be able to go about getting them met. For Example If one was to spend time with someone who they know from work, they might only talk about certain things. As a result of this, other parts of their life will need to be overlooked while they are in their company. But as one will know what this person is like and what they will talk about, there will be no reason for them to be frustrated by this. In the same way that if one was to order a hot drink, they wouldn’t complain that it is hot. Another Experience There are then going to be other people who they spend time with, and one will be able to express the other parts of themselves around them. Each person they spend time with can then end up fulfilling different needs. And even if one was in a relationship with someone, it is still not going to be possible for this person to fulfil all of their needs. There will be needs that they can meet and needs that they are unable to meet. Let Down If one was in a relationship and they expected this person to meet all of their needs, they would set themselves up to suffer. This would cause their partner to experience a lot of pressure, and the relationship might not last for very long. Or, if it does last, it might be an area of their life that takes a lot from them and doesn’t give them much back. So, this shows how important it is for someone to be in touch with their needs and to realise that they can’t all be met by one person. Other Areas of Life In addition to this, there will be the needs that one has when it comes to their career and their need to relax. When it comes to the former, they might do something that is completely different to what their friends do. Thus, they would have had to listen to their own needs in order to get to where they are, and this is something they will have to continue to do. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, they may like to relax in the same way that their friends do. In Tune When one experiences life in this way, it is going to show that they are in touch with their needs, and they feel comfortable enough to pay attention to them. If one was in touch with their needs but they didn’t feel comfortable expressing them, it wouldn’t matter. One is then going to see their needs as being normal and not as something that they need to hide. There is then going to be no reason for them to feel ashamed or as though it is not safe for them to reveal them. Another Scenario If one doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs, it is not going to matter if they are in tune with them. They will be seen as being bad and one will need to do everything they can to hide them from others. One could then come across as a people pleaser, and they could have the tendency to rescue others. Other people could even describe them as someone who is selfless, and it will then be as if one doesn’t have needs. Another Element When one is in touch with their needs and they are able to fulfil them, it will also show that they have strong boundaries. And, this is not simply going to mean that they can stand their ground; what it means is that they will have an energetic boundary around them. Now, this might sound a bit airy fairy and as something that has no basis in reality, but it is what will allow one’s true-self to be expressed. Without this invisible boundary in place (invisible to the five senses), one would end up being overwhelmed by other people. Exposed Through being wide open and absorbing what is going on for other people, it would stop them from being able to tune into their own needs. In fact, they could have moments when they believe that other people’s needs are their own. Through experiencing life in this way, their life will be a reflection of other people, and their true-self won’t see the light of day. If one does experience life in this way, it can be due to what took place during their early years. Awareness At this time, they may have been brought up by someone who lacked boundaries themselves, and this would have meant they were unable to respect one’s boundaries. This could have been a time when one was abused and/or neglected. If one can relate to this, they will probably need to work with a therapist or someone who will allow them to develop their energetic boundary for the first time.
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When someone is able to stand their ground, they are not going to have to worry about being walked over. Now, this doesn’t mean that they will never be walked over by others; what it means is that is that it won’t be something that happens on a regular basis.
As if it was something they were accustomed to, it would be normal for them to spend a lot of time thinking about how people don’t respect their boundaries. In fact, this could be something that ends up consuming their whole life. A Big Difference What this shows is how important boundaries are, when it comes to being able to live a fulfilling life. Yet, even without going this far, they are there to stop people from taking advantage of them. Therefore, they not only play a part in one being able to thrive; they also play a part in them being able to survive. As a result of this, one’s life is clearly going to be a lot easier when they have them. The Norm If one is able to stand their ground, this could be how they have been for as long as they can remember. Due to how their life has been for so long, this could be something that they take for granted. When it comes to asserting themselves, this could be something that just happens, and there is then going to be no reason for them to think about it. For example, another person could ask them to do something or stand too close to them, and they could instantly feel the need to take action. In Tune One is then going to be in touch with themselves, and they are going to feel comfortable enough to allow their feelings and needs to define their behaviour. This is going to be the difference, as if they didn’t feel comfortable doing this, they wouldn’t be able to stand their ground. There is then going to be no reason for them to focus on doing what they can to please others; their priority will be to please themselves. And as they are the only ones who know what their needs and feelings are, this is going to be the right approach for them to have. Another Experience If one lived on a planet where people knew what their needs were, it wouldn’t matter if they listened to them. The people around them would know what is or is not acceptable. But as one lives on planet where people are generally going to be unaware of what their needs are, this is not going to take place. This is why it is vital for one to be in touch with what is taking place within them and to feel comfortable enough to pay attention to it. Reality When someone is unable to stand their ground, there is a strong chance that they don’t feel comfortable enough to do so. And if this is something that they can’t relate to, it could be a sign that they haven’t taken the time to reflect on what takes place when they are walked over. However, if they were able to take a step back from what is taking place and to get in touch with how they feel when this happens, it this may soon change. During this time, they could see that they end up being overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. A Reaction Or, they could find that they just go along with what other people want without experiencing anything. It could then seem as though they have no control over what is taking place. In this case, it is likely to show that this behaviour has become so ingrained that it is as if they are possessed by someone or something else. The sooner one is able to connect to what is taking place within them, the sooner their life will improve. Self-Harm It could then be said that the reason other people walk all over them is because they allow this to happen. If they felt comfortable standing their ground, they would have no reason to tolerate this behaviour. The discomfort that arises within them stops them for being able to listen to themselves, and this is what needs to change. In addition to this, they could believe that they deserve to be walked over. A Closer Look One might find it hard to understand why they would feel this way; especially as it is so important for them to stand their ground. At one point in their life, they may have lived in an environment where it wasn’t safe for them to listen to themselves. If this was during their early years, it could mean that they were abused by their caregivers; ignoring their needs and feelings would then have been a way for them to survive. How they were treated would have caused them to suffer and it would have made it harder for them to handle life as an adult. Inner Strength Through being treated in this way, it is not going to be a surprise for them to have the tendency to do what other people want. And even though time has passed, they can believe that they would be putting their life at risk if they behaved differently. Unless the fear that is within them starts to subside, it won’t be possible for them to assert themselves. They will keep doing what other people want and this will continue to have a negative effect on their life. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to deal with what is taking place within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Boundaries: Does Someone Need To Avoid People Who Lack Boundaries When They Are Sensitive?26/11/2016
In order for someone to be able to express their true-self, they will need to feel comfortable doing so. If they only feel safe when they are putting on an act, it will still stop this part of them from seeing the light of day.
How they generally behave around others is then going to be the result of how other people want them to behave (or how they think they want them behave). To experience life in this way is not going to allow one to feel as though they have any control over their behaviour. One Experience If one is not aware of why they are experiencing life in this way, it could be normal for them to feel like a victim. Thus, one will believe that their life will only change if other people change. A lot of their time is then going to be spent waiting around for something to happen, and they could have moments when they try to manipulate others. This could be seen as being immoral, but one might see this as the only option they have. A Different Reality When someone can express their true-self, they will be able to listen to what is taking place within them. If they were to change their behaviour, it can be something they have chosen to do. It is then typically going to be a choice and not something they feel as though they have no control over. What this will also do is give one to ability to fulfil their own needs, and this will have a big effect on their life. Boundaries And through feeling as though it is safe for them to exist, it is going to be a lot easier for them to stand their ground. Therefore, if someone was to try walk over them, they would soon speak up. Or, if they didn’t use their voice to let the other person know that they are doing something that is not appropriate, they could simply walk away. Their focus is going to be on taking care of themselves and not on pleasing the other person. The Priority If this does cause the other person to express disapproval, it is unlikely to be something that will concern them. One could also believe that it is not other people’s responsibility to please them either. Through behaving in this way, it is going to save them for a lot of unnecessary pain and drama. Now, this is not to say that they will never end up being comprised by others, but this is likely to be the exception as opposed to the rule. The Norm This could be how one’s life has been for as long as they can remember, and this can mean that their early years were a time when their boundaries were respected. Yet, if one’s life hasn’t always been this way, it could be a sign that they were walked over during their early years. One is then going to be only too aware of what it is like to experience life differently, and this could fill them with a deep sense of gratitude. The reason their life is now different is likely to be the result of what they have done to change it. Self-Made At one point in time, they would have made a decision to do something about what was taking place. And this decision might have been made after they had suffered for quite some time. The first thing that might have taken place could have been for them to look online for answers. But regardless of what they did to change their circumstances, they wouldn’t have done it all by themselves. Interdependent One might have taken the first step, but it was through the support that they received through others that would have allowed them to move forward. At the end of the day, no one is their own island. At times, this support might have taken place indirectly, and so one may have believed that they were not receiving any. This can be the case if one was to read something online, for instance; however, if someone didn’t write it they wouldn’t have been able to read it. Waking Up What the above shows is that if one is in a position where they are used to spending time around people who lack boundaries; their life doesn’t have to stay this way. If they reach out for the right support, they can change their life. And when someone is sensitive, they can have an ever greater need to stand their ground than the average person. The reason for this is that it can be a lot harder for them to not only handle people who lack boundaries, but to also recover from what takes place through being around these kinds of people. Highly Sensitive People Through being so sensitive, it can be easy for them to tune into other people’s needs and to ignore their own. Due to this, it won’t matter if it is someone’s intention to take advantage of them, as they can end up going along with them. It is then going to be in their best interest to be comfortable with being assertive, and to make sure that they don’t have people in their life who are unable respect their boundaries. If they were to spend time with people who don’t know where they begin and end and where other people begin and end, they will end up feeling overwhelmed in their presence. Empathy When they spend time around people who are able to accept them, there will be no reason for one to put on an act. These people will be able to empathise with them and there will be no reason for one to feel as though there is something wrong with them. If they were to say ‘no’ or that they need to take a break, they will be able to do so without being pressured to change their mind. This will then enable them to recharge their batteries and to function at their best. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist. Once they are able to stand their ground, they will no longer need to have people in their life who are not right for them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one felt tired, it might not matter if someone asked them if they would like to go out. They could put their own needs first and say that they haven’t got the energy to do anything.
This could be what always takes place, or it could be something that happens from time to time. If this is how they generally behave when they don’t want to do something, it is going to show that they are able to stand their ground. Another Perspective Another way of looking at it might be to say that they are stubborn, and that they are not willing to go with the flow. Thus, instead of being able to let go of the need to be in control, they need to have their hands on the steering wheel, so to speak. Through being this way, it is likely to stop them from being able to accept new opportunities that arise. And if they are this way when they feel tired, they could also be this way when they aren’t. Out of Balance It could then be said that while one is in touch with their masculine aspect, their feminine aspect is being ignored. This is why they are able to listen to themselves but find it difficult to go along with other peoples suggestions. What this will allow them to do is to make sure that people don’t walk over them, and this is clearly a good thing. The downside to this is that it will stop them from being able to embrace life. An Analogy This can be similar to what would happen if a small group of soldiers, whilst guarding a castle, ended up firing at everyone they saw. As although some of these people could try and attack them, there are going to be others who are there for different reasons. There will be times when people will have food for them, and they could even have important news for them. Having this approach might keep them alive, but what it won’t do is allow them to receive what they need. A Big Difference If one had more than once approach, it would allow them protect themselves on one hand and to receive what they need on the other. This could mean that there will be moments when their needs are not met, and they might even feel as though their boundaries have been crossed. Still, it is not always going to be possible for one’s life to go as they would like it to go. However, through being able to say ‘yes’ from time to time, their world will open up. The Other Side It wouldn’t be accurate to say that there are only two options here though, as one could also go to the other extreme. If this was to happen, they would find it a challenge to stand their ground. In fact, it could be more or less impossible for them to do so, and it will then be normal for them to be walked over. One is then not going to be closed off from life, but they will have no way of protecting themselves. Overeating For example, if a dog wasn’t fed by their owner/s, they would live for very long. This is why it is going to be vital for them to be fed at the right time, and this will then give them the nutrients they need to survive. Even so, if they were fed too much, it would be just as bad as not feeding them. As the dog doesn’t have the ability to tell them when they are full, it will be down to them to manage what they eat. Drawing the Line If they were to simply feed their dog whenever they wanted to be fed, for instance, they would do more harm than good. One is then not putting their foot down; they are going with the flow. Through embracing their masculine aspect, it will allow them to do what is best for their dog. This shows how important it is for one to be able to listen to both sides of their nature, as opposed to only accepting one side. Boundaries What this shows is how important boundaries are when it comes to living a fulfilling life. There are also going to be some people who will have a greater need to stand their ground than others. This is not because they are more important; it can be due to how sensitive they are. Through being this way, saying ’yes’ when they should be saying ‘no’ can have a far greater effect on them. Highly Sensitive Person As they are not going to be able to handle a lot of stimulation, they will probably need to spend a certain amount of time in their own company. So if they were to find it hard to say ‘no’ when someone asked them if they would like to go out, there is a strong chance that they would be used to feeling burnt out. In addition to this, they will need to spend time around people who understand them; if they were to spend time around people who lacked empathy, they could end up believing that there is something wrong with them. If they found it hard to say ‘no’, they could have the tendency to allow people like this into their life. Awareness If one has gone along with others want for most of their life, this is what can be feels comfortable. The trouble is, it is not having a positive effect on their life, and this is why it needs to change. This is something that could change if one was to be become aware of their behaviour and then to act differently. Or, they may need to reach out for the support of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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