Self-Deception: Why Is It Easier For Someone To See Another Person's Issues Than Their Own?25/12/2025
At this point in time, someone could be in a relationship that is anything but fulfilling. The main reason for this is that the person they are with could be emotionally unavailable and out of reach.
As a result, it is not going to be possible for them to emotionally connect to and feel close to them. The outcome of this is that they can often feel ignored, lonely, invisible, and as though they don’t exist. An Emotional Desert But, as they will be missing out on important nutrients, it is to be expected that they would feel this way. If they were to talk to a trusted friend about what is going on, they could be told that it is probably best for them to break up with them. They could say that as they have been in this position for a number of weeks, months or longer, it is unlikely that things will change. If this it the advice that they receive, they might soon decide to walk away. Stepping Back Assuming that they do, they might end up thinking deeply about this area of their life. During this time, they can see that this is not the first time that they have been in this position. They might see that their previous relationship was very similar, and it might go back even further, with them having been in at least three relationships like this. After this, they might conclude that they are just unlucky or that this is just what men or women are like. A Natural Consequence But, as they will want to be with someone who is emotionally available and within reach, this is understandable. As far as they are concerned, they can be emotionally available and ready to have a real relationship. This can also be a view that their friends and perhaps family validate, with these people often telling them that they are ready to have a relationship and have a lot to offer, or words to that effect. However, although it can seem as though what is going on ‘out there’ is the issue, what if there is more to it? Another Angle What if the view that they have of themselves is not the complete truth, and they are not as emotionally available as they believe? After hearing this, they could become angry and say that this is not possible. They might then believe that they are being blamed for something that they are not playing a part in. What will be important for them to keep in mind at this point is that, in addition to their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves, they also have an unconscious mind. Two levels In other words, along with the part of them that sees itself as being emotionally available, there can be another part of them that isn’t. But as this part of them is hidden and they are not aware of how it’s impacting their reality, it means that they are not consciously choosing to experience life in this way. This is then not about blame; it is about them becoming aware of how there is more to them than meets the eye. By becoming aware of this, they will be able to gradually change their life. Seeing Clearly Assuming that there is another part of them that is holding them back, the view that they have of themselves will have unknowingly prevented them from seeing themselves clearly. This view that they have of themselves is unlikely to be the only thing that has caused them to be deceived, though. Additionally, the feelings and sensations that would shed light on why this area of their life is this way can be repressed. If this weren't the case, they might find that when they experience sustained emotional closeness, they start to feel unworthy, smothered, trapped, and as if they are going to die. What’s going on? The information inside them that is outside of their conscious awareness might have been held there since their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing. Their mother and perhaps their father might have largely been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. By not receiving the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed, it would have been normal for them to be ignored, rejected, and abandoned, and to feel trapped, smothered and as though they were going to die. One option To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded and keep it together and function, they would have been forced to adapt. This would have involved their brain repressing how they felt and a number of their needs. Consequently, they would have lost touch with their embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self, and formed a disembodied, disconnected, and not fully feeling false self. And, as they were egocentric, they would have come to see their needs and feelings as bad, to see themselves as worthless and unlovable, and associated human closeness with something that was a threat to their survival. It’s over The years would then have passed, and their conscious mind would have forgotten about what happened, but their unconscious mind or body would have remembered. Due to what is going on for them at an emotional level and the impact it is having, the self-image that they have created, and even what they look like or have achieved, for instance, won’t have much of an impact. What this demonstrates is that, thanks to the self-image that someone can have and their brain's ability to keep what is going on internally hidden in order to protect them, they can be unaware of what is really going on for them. On the other hand, when it comes to them seeing another person clearly, their self-image is less likely to get in the way, and their brain won’t have the same need to deceive them, that is, unless, of course, seeing the other person clearly would undermine their defensive structure and cause pain to enter their conscious awareness. Moving Forward For them to gradually change this area of their life, there will be a number of steps for them to take. There will be beliefs for them to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for eternal support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If someone has an area of their life that is not very fulfilling, they can look into what they can do to change it. During this time, they can learn about how, once they become aware of how they are behaving, they will be able to change the behaviours that are not serving them and thus, change this area of their life.
For example, they might see that they continually end up with people who are emotionally unavailable and out of reach. So, they can look into what signs they need to become aware of that show that another person is not ready to have a real relationship. Clarity By becoming aware of the red flags, then, as soon as it becomes clear that another person is not right for them, they can move on. They might even see that, in the past, even if they did notice that something wasn’t right, they ignored it and carried on. Now, though, they will have a clear idea of what they need to be aware of and that they need to step away when they are in this situation. However, after this, what might enter their mind is that their feelings also hold them back. Another part It then won’t just be enough for them to notice these signs, as they can find that there are moments when they feel lonely and needy, and this causes them to ignore what they see. As a result, it will be essential for them to be aware of how they feel during these moments and not allow themselves to be consumed by them. This way, they won’t be caught up in how they feel, and they won’t be denying how they feel either. Thanks to this, their feelings won’t cause them to do something that they will later regret. The Next Stage After a while, assuming that they have taken a break from this area of their life, they might believe that they are ready to start dating again. But as they will know what to look for externally and what to be aware of internally, this will make sense. And before long, they might meet someone who ticks a lot of their boxes, and they might feel fairly settled during this time, too. As the weeks and months pass, things could go in the right direction. The Same Old Story Nonetheless, after this, or before a few months have passed, they could see that they have ended up with someone who is just the same as the other people they have been with. If so, they can be angry and frustrated, and they can feel helpless and hopeless. But, as they will have put a lot of effort into becoming aware of the signs that someone is not available and how they feel when they first meet them, among other things, this is to be expected. They will then have done the right things, and yet this area of their life won’t have changed. What’s going on? At this point, it might seem as though they have very little control when it comes to this area of their life. They might believe that this is just what men or women are like, or that they are just unlucky. Yet, if they have become more aware and being aware is seen as a key part of what will allow them to change this or any other area of their life, this is to be expected. But what if being aware is not enough? Two Levels The reason it might not be enough is that they might not have access to all of their own consciousness, and what is held in part of their consciousness can define what takes place in this area of their life. In other words, there will be the conscious part of them, and then there will be a part of them that is unconscious. When it comes to the latter, it will contain feelings and needs but although they won’t be able to connect to it, it will have an impact on who they are drawn to, who is drawn to them and how they feel, among other things. As to why there is a part of them that they don’t have access to, and they are unable to connect to what is held there, it is likely to be due to repression. Going Deeper Most likely, they lost touch with a big part of their consciousness during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Consequently, they would have missed out on the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed. Being ignored, rejected, smothered, and even abandoned would then have been the norm. One Option To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, their brain would have repressed the pain that they were in and a number of their needs. This would have caused them to lose touch with their connected, embodied and fully feeling true self and create a disconnected, disembodied and not fully feeling false self. Along with this, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, that they were worthless and unlovable, and seen human closeness as something that would cause them to be annihilated. Furthermore, they would have lived in the hope that, by becoming who they wanted and behaving how they wanted, they would be loved. Moving Forward But, as their mother and their father were probably unable to love them, as they had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years, it wouldn’t have mattered how much they struggled. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but the part of themselves that they lost touch with will still be trying to receive their mother's and/or father's love. This deeper, emotional part of them won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, which is why it can’t see that, as this stage of their life is over and another person is not their mother or father, it is too late. For them to no longer look for what they missed out on, to reconnect to all of their consciousness, and find someone who is available, they will need to gradually reconnect to their body, face and process the pain that they had to repress, and experience their unmet developmental needs. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone wanted to attain a thing, meet a certain type of person, or have a certain experience, they could do what they can to manifest what they desire. So, what they can do is use a visualisation technique where they imagine that they have already achieved what they want to achieve.
This will be a time when they will see the things that they would see, have the thoughts that they would think, and feel the feelings that they would feel, if they had achieved what it is that they desire. Now, this inner experience won’t reflect their current reality, but this is the whole point. An Illusion If, on the other hand, they were to imagine that they are working toward having what they desire and that it will happen in the future, this would keep what they desire out of reach. The reason for this is that there is only the now moment. Thus, while their mind will create the impression that there is a past, present and future, this is not the case. So, by imagining that they have achieved what they desire now, and without being in place of desire, their life will gradually change. A Time Delay How long it takes for what they desire to appear in their external reality can depend on what it is and how aligned they are. For example, they might not only believe that something is possible, but they might also believe that they deserve to experience it. Yet, when it comes to something else, they might doubt that it is possible and/or not feel worthy of having it. As a result, they can then imagine that they are already experiencing what they want to experience, but their life might not change. One Scenario Alternatively, they could imagine experiencing what it is that they desire and, sooner or later, their life could change. So, they might want to have people in their life who are supportive and pull a few people into their reality who are like his. A few months could then pass, and these people could end up disappearing, and other people who are like this might not enter their reality. It could then seem as though what they manifested was taken from them. One outcome If this does take place and they believe that what they wanted was taken from them, it will show that they have become caught up in their mind's sense of separation. This part of them won’t realise that they live in a mirror. What can help with this is for them to develop the ability to mentally step back and observe what is going on inside them. This will give them the ability to notice when this happens and not be caught up in it. Another Element And, if they were to find that the reason one area of their life changed only to go back to how it was before is because they don’t feel worthy of having what they desire, they can start to question why this is. They might find that they don’t have a very empowering self-image. After this, they might see that not feeling worthy of experiencing something also causes them to spend a lot of time visualising. They can see that due to how they see themselves, they believe that they need to put in a lot of effort to be worthy of having something. Another Struggle The effort that they put in mentally can also be matched by the effort that they put in physically. If so, they might have done a lot, believing that this is the right thing for them to do. But, while they can believe that they have the right approach by putting all this effort in, it won’t serve them. As they don’t feel worthy of having what they desire, their reality will have mirrored this back, with it being irrelevant how much effort they have actually put in. A Different Reality If they were to look back on their life, they might see that they have spent time with people who didn’t struggle but who largely had what they needed and wanted. At the time, they might have believed that they were just lucky. What this illustrates is how important it is for them to be in the right place internally. As, if they are not internally aligned with what it is that they want to experience, their internal and external effort won’t have much of an impact. Awareness Instead, it can just ensure that what they desire stays outside of their reality, causing them to feel angry, frustrated and resentful. Taking all this into account, it will be essential for them to know that they are worthy of having what it is that they want to experience and that they don’t need to earn it by struggling. For them to know this, they will have beliefs to question, and they might have pain to face, process and integrate.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone wanted to listen to music, they could listen to the same style that they listened to last time. Then again, they could listen to a style that is totally different to what they last listened to.
Either way, when it comes to what they do listen to, it is likely to be a style that has a positive effect on them. This can be a time when they end up feeling relaxed, empowered and/or confident, for instance. A Different Type of Nutrient Therefore, this won’t be a time when they are consuming something physical such as food, but they will be nourished nevertheless. What will play a part in the experience that they have is the dopamine that their brain releases. Thanks to this neurotransmitter, they will experience feelings of pleasure and wellbeing. After they have stopped listening to the music, they could feel the same way for a little while after, too. Another Direction Now, although someone can use music every now and then to shift their inner state, they can also use it to avoid certain feelings. Still, this is not to say that they will always consciously do this. So, they can experience shame or sadness and end up listening to music that is very aggressive. By listening to this music, they can go into fight mode, allowing them to feel strong and alive. Pumped Up At one point, they would have felt deflated and, at another, they would feel inflated. Due to what the music has triggered inside them, they will have been able to rise above the feelings that were weighing them down. These feelings won’t have disappeared, though; they will have just been removed from their couscous awareness. When they are not listening to this type of music, they could also experience anger and rage to avoid going into a collapsed physiological state. Another Example Alternatively, they might have just experienced a breakup and feel sad and helpless. They could then listen to a style of music that is focused on the theme of love and romance. What this can do is allow them to feel wanted and loved, which can allow them to rise up and out of the emotional hole they were in. Additionally, they could listen to a style of music that is focused on the theme of betrayal and revenge, with them being able to feel energised and alive. A Necessary Escape If they use these escapes from time to time, whilst also facing how they feel, it could be said that they won’t have a negative effect on their life. However, if they use these escapes as well as others and don’t face how they feel, this won’t be the case. Instead, by avoiding how they feel they will end up losing touch with part of their consciousness. What this comes down to is that they can’t simply avoid how they feel and still operate as a whole human being. The Outcome One of the ways that this will impact them is that they won’t be as available as they would be otherwise. If they were to get into an intimate relationship, then, assuming that they are not in one, they wouldn’t be as present as they could be. The other person will probably be able to tell, either consciously or unconsciously, that they are not fully there. Thus, their physical self will be fully here, but their emotional self won’t be. Another Outcome Along with this, the feelings that have been removed from their conscious awareness can end up being unlocked sooner or later. This could take place after they experience a loss, breakup or a setback. What this illustrates is that not facing how they feel weakens them and sets them up to suffer further down the line. And, the more feelings that are repressed, the harder it can be for them to face and work through them when they are unlocked. Awareness If someone can see that they are carrying a lot of repressed feelings and don't feel comfortable facing them, they might need to reach out for external support. This can be prodded with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is suffering both mentally and emotionally, and certain areas of their life are not going in the right direction, they can end up reaching out for support. Assuming that this takes place, they can find a therapist or healer to work with.
What this will show is that they no longer want to experience life in this way and want to move forward. Now, when they work with someone, this can be a time when they will change what is going on in their mind. Another Level Then again, it might go further than this as they might be encouraged to explore what is going on for them at an emotional level. If so, they will be changing ‘negative’ thoughts, questioning what they believe and working through emotional wounds. Additionally, they could work through unresolved survival responses and the arousal that goes with them. If they do work on each of these levels, it could be said that they will be getting to the root of what is going on for them. A Big Impact After they have been working with someone for a number of months, they could find that their mental and emotional health improves. The areas of their life that were not going in the right direction could also start to go in the right direction. As a result, the time, energy and money that they have directed toward changing themselves will have paid off. Before long, they might decide to stop having therapy or healing, or, at the very least, to take a break. One Outcome As the days, weeks and months pass, their mental and emotional health could continue to stay at the same level. As for the areas of their life that have improved, these areas could get even better. Thanks to this, they could be greatly relieved and grateful that they have been able to change their inner and outer world. When they thought about the future before, they might have been filled with dread but now, they can be filled with a sense of hope and excitement. Another Outcome Alternatively, as the days, weeks and months pass, their mental and emotional health could start to go back to how it was before. The areas of their life that have improved could start to go back to how they were before; that is, of course, if they have improved. Consequently, they could wonder what is going on. What might enter their mind is that they need to work with the therapist or healer again. One Angle One way of looking at this would be to say that old wounds have been unlocked and they need to work through these wounds. Once this has taken place, they will rise up once again. Another way of looking at this would be to say that the progress that they made didn’t last because it was primarily due to transference. What this means is that when they were working with a therapist or healer, they unconsciously saw this person as their mother and/or father. A Closer Look By doing this, they were deceived into believing that they were receiving what they had missed out on during their formative years. What this shows is that a big part of them has no sense of time and is blind. This is why it wasn’t able to realise that it was too late to meet these needs and that the therapist or healer was not their parent or parents. If it wasn’t too late, spending time with someone who is present, attentive and caring would transform them. A Key Part Taking this into account, for them to truly move forward, it will be essential for their unmet developmental needs to be made conscious and expressed. If these needs remain hidden and unexpressed, they are likely to go around in circles. Their unmet developmental needs may have also played a part in why they worked with a certain therapist or healer. For example, if they were greatly deprived by their mother, it may have caused them to work with a woman, and, if they were deprived by their father, it may have caused them to work with a man. Another Outcome At the same time, if they only felt safe around their mother, they might have preferred to work with a woman, or vice versa. And, even if they did work with a woman, they might have still been trying to receive the love that they missed out on from their father, and if they worked with a man, they might have tried to receive the love that they missed out on from their mother. This is then not something that is black and white. Furthermore, transference is not something that is bad; it is simply a way for them to become aware of what they need to resolve to become whole and complete. Awareness What this illustrates is that even though someone feels better, it doesn’t mean that they have truly changed. The changes that they do make can largely be a consequence of them having been deceived by their unconscious mind. However, when it is understood that someone’s unmet development needs can have a big impact, these needs can be explored and then expressed and integrated. Along with this, there will be pain for them to face and work through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to living a fulfilling life, one thing that is often mentioned is having an open heart. Or, perhaps to be more accurate, this is what is often mentioned in the world of self-development and spirituality.
What this typically relates to is someone being connected to how they feel and allowing their feelings to guide them. Therefore, instead of being directed by their mind and their thoughts, they will be directed by their heart and their feelings. Another Element Along with this, being this way will allow them to not only be loving but to also let love in. They are then going to have a positive impact on the world and the world will be able to have a positive impact on them. There will be how they behave around their friends, family and partner, that is, of course, if they have one, and how they behave when they are around strangers. And, when these people are loving towards them, they will be able to receive their love. Two Benefits If someone is not open-hearted, then, there are going to be at least two reasons for them to change this. First, their life will improve, and, second, they will make the world a better place. Taking this into account, if someone can see that their heart is not open and they want to open it, they can look for a way to do this. Thanks to the internet, they are likely to come across a number of ways. A Few Steps So, one thing that they could learn is that they need to start bringing their awareness out of their head and into their heart. Doing this will allow them to gradually develop a stronger connection with this part of them. Additionally, they could learn about how important it is for them to forgive themselves and others. The purpose of this is that it will make it easier for them to be loving toward themselves and others. A New Experience Taking these steps as well as others may allow them to gradually live from their heart. If so, they could soon be amazed by how different their life is and be filled with gratitude. Furthermore, some of the people in their life could notice how different they are and be full of praise. They may also find that some of their relationships improve, while others fall away. A Different Energy Now that they are becoming a more connected human being, they won’t be the same person as they were before. Naturally, this will have an impact on their relationships. It might seem as though people would only respond positively to this shift but there is a reason why this won’t be the case. What this comes down to is that although they will be more loving, this can bring up issues in other people. Resistance For example, if another person only feels comfortable being treated badly and experiencing conflict, they are likely to be repelled by the opposite. This might not take place straight away but it can as time passes. At a conscious level, they will probably want to experience love and harmony, but, at a deeper level, most likely due to their unresolved early wounds, they won’t be able to accept this. Without this understanding, though, they can believe that they are simply unlucky or are being punished, for instance. Another scenario Anyway, they may find that even though they are doing a number of things to become more connected to their heart, they are still unable to live from this place. They can find that it’s often hard for them to connect with this part of them and feel their feelings. Instead, they can continue to live in their head and be directed by their thoughts and fears. If so, they can be deeply frustrated and believe that they are not trying hard enough. Being Curious During this time, it will be important for them to keep in mind that they are doing the best that they can and to be kind and compassionate to themselves. As this approach is not working, there is a strong chance that they need to try another approach. What this can show is that they don’t feel safe enough to be connected to their heart and their feelings. With this in mind, as opposed to them trying to ‘open’ their heart, it will be important for them to look into why their heart is ‘closed’. Going Deeper This can show that at one stage of their life, they were deeply traumatised, and this then caused them to disconnect from their body and live in their head. Consequently, they would have lost touch with their feelings and instincts, with them shutting down and closing up to protect themselves. Perhaps they were wounded and deeply deprived during their formative years, which would have stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety, amongst other things. Without this, they wouldn’t have felt safe enough to exist, let alone to be connected to their heart and feel their feelings. A Different Angle Therefore, it is not that they merely need to open their heart, as wonderful as this can sound; it is that they need to explore why their heart if not open. In other words, being closed-hearted is an effect and, unless the cause of this is resolved, they won’t be able to make much progress. To use an analogy, trying to open their heart without having strong foundations will be similar to someone opening a window of a house that is under siege. After seeing what’s going on, they will soon close the window and go back inside. The Bigger Picture Taking all this into account, the view that someone just needs to open their heart if it is closed is, in general, a trauma-uninformed outlook. It is closed for a reason and it will take time for it to not only be opened but for it to stay open. They are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and arousal to release. This is something that will take courage, patience, and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the self-development world, it is often said that the past only exists in someone’s mind. Therefore, if they often think about what they have been through and this is causing them to suffer, they just need to change what is taking place in this part of them.
Now, what can’t be denied is that what they went through is over, it is not possible for them to go back in time and change what happened. The only moment that they have is now and soon, what they are experiencing will be another memory. It’s Clear With this in mind, it makes sense that it would be said that someone’s past only exists in their mind. So, if they have the tendency to think about their past, they will need to change their ‘negative’ thoughts. By replacing their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts, they will gradually be able to let go of their past. How long this will take can all depend on how caught up they are in the past and how their mind responds to this approach. Stepping Back However, although it can seem as though their past only exists in their mind, what if there is far more to it? What if what is going on in their mind is a sign that other parts of them are also caught up in their past? If they believe that they begin and end with their thinking brain or their conscious sense of themselves, this might be hard for them to accept. As far as they are concerned, there won’t be another or other parts of them that will impact what is going on in their mind. A Small Part of Them In reality, their mind will just be a small part of them; it won’t be where they begin and end. Along with this part of them, there will be their limbic system, brainstem and body. Another way of looking at this would be to say that, in addition to their conscious mind, there will be their unconscious mind. Considering this, if their mind is continually caught up with what took place in their past, it is likely to show that other parts of them are carrying the impact that their past had on them. The past is present What this will illustrate is that while what they experienced in their past will be in the past, the impact that it had on them won’t be. Yet, as the impact that it had on them will have been repressed and will be outside of their conscious awareness, it will naturally seem as though their ‘negative’ thoughts are the only issue. Their ‘negative’ thoughts will mainly be a symptom of what is going on for them at a deeper level. Thus, in the same way that weeds have roots and don’t just appear; their ‘negative’ thoughts will have roots and won’t have just appeared. Disconnected The trouble is that as they are likely to live in a society that is mind-centric, there will be no reason for them to look deeper. The approaches that are available in this society, at least in the mainstream, will largely be a reflection of this inner disconnection. This can be seen as a sign that this is a society that is not trauma-informed as one thing that trauma does is create an inner disconnection. Unknowingly, then, this society, as a result of being made up of people who are traumatised to one degree or another, will typically focus on the mind and overlook the body. Another Element It will also be a society that is not repression-informed, which is why what is going on in their mind will be seen as the only issue as opposed to a sign that they are likely to be carrying pain. As opposed to their mind being a problem, then, it can be seen as a messenger. The key, of course, is for them to be able to look beyond their thoughts and explore what is going on at a deeper level. To use an analogy, one way to see their ‘negative’ thoughts would be to say that these are the ‘smoke’ and the pain that is likely to be held in their body is the ‘fire’. Two Levels Ego, if they simply change their ‘negative’ thoughts in order to become more present, this won’t allow them to put out the fire that is burning outside of their conscious awareness. The only thing that this is likely to do is to build defences that block out the feedback that is trying to get through to them. And, as this repressed material can’t go up, it can end up staying down and going outward, and undermine their physical health instead. In the same way that a dog can’t speak to them using words, the other parts of their brain and body can’t speak to them using words either; but these other parts can speak to them by putting pressure on their mind, for instance, and, thereby, create the impression that this part of them is the issue. Reading between the Lines This is why it is important for them to go beyond this part of them and to look into why this part is often producing these ‘negative’ thoughts. If they were to do this, they are likely to find that these ‘negative’ thoughts are partly a defence against pain and that they are carrying a lot of pain. This can be pain that they have experienced throughout their adult and childhood years and were unable to face and integrate and ended up being repressed. By facing and working through this pain, they are likely to find that their mind gradually settle down and they are more present. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What can be normal is for someone to spend a lot of time looking into what the elites are doing. In their eyes, these can be seen as the people who are creating most if not all of the problems in the world.
If so, this is likely to mean that they will watch a lot of videos and read a lot of articles. They could also look toward different social media sites to keep them informed about what is going on. Two ways Along with the time that they spend taking in information, they might spend a lot of time sharing what they know with just about anyone who will listen. Then again, they might only share what they know with some of the people in their life. If there is at least one person in their life who has the same or a very similar outlook as they do, this can be the main thing that they talk about when they get together. This can be a time when both of them will experience anger and perhaps rage. No Different But, even when they are not talking to this friend or anyone else about this area, this is likely to be an emotional experience that they are familiar with. So, when they are thinking about this area or taking in information about what is going on, they can be worked up. There can be times when they imagine getting revenge on the people who are harming humanity and other times when they imagine how different the world will be when these people are dealt with. Deep down, they could believe that, sooner or later, justice will be served. In The Background However, due to how much time and energy they direct into this area, other areas of their life could be overlooked and neglected. There is a chance that apart from this area, there is not much going on in their life. Yet, even if this is the case, they could believe that this is what they need to focus on as it is so important. They could believe that they are serving their fellow human beings by putting so much of their time and energy into this area and doing what they can to ‘wake’ people up. Stepping Back Now, at this point, it could be said that there are ‘bad’ people in the world who are not interested in the upliftment of their fellow human beings. Therefore, these people need to be exposed and something needs to be done about them. Once these ‘bad’ people ‘out there’ are dealt with, then, the world is likely to be very different. Nonetheless, this view can be seen as a consequence of having a very materialistic view of reality. On the Surface This view is partly a consequence of both their eyes and mind creating the impression that they are separate from everyone and everything. They are then an observer of what is going on ‘out there’. What is taking place within them is then having very little effect on their experience and what is taking place in the world. But, if this sense of separation is an illusion and what is going on inside them is shaping their reality and is influencing what is taking place in the world, there is no one and nothing ‘out there’ that truly needs to change. The Mirror It would mean that what is going on in their reality is a reflection of what is going on for them, and, when it comes to what is going on in the world, it is a reflection of what is going on for them and their fellow human beings. With this in mind, purely focusing on and trying to change the external would be like trying to change a shadow. To their disconnected mind, this approach would be seen as the right thing to do but they would be being deceived. Still, as they are likely to live in a society that is also a manifestation of the illusion of separation, they are unlikely to be encouraged to change their inner world to change their outer world. Another Factor But, with that aside, what can play a part in why they are focused on the bad ‘out there’ and want justice can be because of what they are trying to resolve from their early years. To their unconscious mind, the ‘bad’ people ‘out there’ can represent the person or people who harmed them during their formative years. Yet, as this is not something that they are consciously aware of, it will be as though they are just focused on what is going on ‘out there’ as it is the right thing to do. Yet, as these people are not the person or people who harmed them and this stage of their life is over, it won’t matter what happens externally as it won’t change what is going on for them internally. Another Route A big part of them will need to have an enemy or a number of enemies as this will be a way for them to try to receive what they missed out on as a child. This part of them won’t want peace and quiet. Without this understanding, their conscious mind will want the world to be different but their unconscious mind won't. And, as they are so caught up in the ‘bad’ that is ‘out there and experience a lot of ‘negative’ feelings, it is clear to see how much of an influence this part of them is having on their behaviour. Awareness For them to no longer unconsciously recreate their early experiences and let go of looking for what they missed out on, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience, and persistence. If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone were to think about something that they wanted to attain or experience, they could soon think about what it is that they need to do to achieve their goal. So, a number of steps could enter their mind, and, before long, they could take the first step.
As the days, weeks and perhaps months pass, they can see how far they have come and how close they are to having what they want. Further, they could generally be full of self-belief and know that it’s only a matter of time before they hit their target. A Smooth process Assuming that this does take place, they could end up having even more self-belief and think about what they would like to achieve next. This could show that they are used to achieving their goals. Alternatively, they could take action but find that they are unable to make much progress. Or, they could end up making progress and even getting close to their goal, only to end up going backwards. A Frustrating Experience Due to this, even if they started off feeling confident and believed that they had what it takes to achieve their goal, they will now be in a very different place. This might not be the first time that this has taken place either, with them continually ending up in this position. What could make this harder to handle is that there could be people in their life who don’t appear to have the same issue. They could come to the conclusion that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back. Another Angle However, although it may seem as though someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back or that they are simply unlucky, what if there is more to it? What if what is going on within them is what is actually holding them back? What this comes down to is that it is not just what they do that defines what they experience; this is just one part. What is going on for them internally is the other part, with this being the most important. Two Parts When they think about what they want to achieve, their mind will create the impression that it is ‘out there’. Based on this, they are separate from what they want and need to do the right things to attain it. In reality, this is an illusion that their mind creates as they are not separate from anyone or anything. And, as they are not separate from what they want to attain, it means that the doing part is only part of what will allow them to have what they want. The Other Part Along with what they do, their inner world will need to energetically align with what it is that they want. As, in addition to them not being separate from anyone or anything, they, along with everyone and everything ’out there’, are made up of vibrating energy. Therefore, although they, and everyone and everything else, will appear to be solid, this is not the case. This is why they can do all the right things but if they are not vibrating at the same frequency as what they want to attain, they won’t be able to achieve their goal or if they do, they won’t be able to sustain it for very long. The Next Step If they are on board with this and are able to accept that they and everyone and everything else is made up of vibrating energy, they could wonder how they can energetically align themselves with what it is that they want to attain. Right now, this could appear to be something that is more or less impossible. But, while this may appear to be impossible, they simply need to use their imagination. By imagining what it would be like to have what they want, they will be energetically aligning themselves with what they want. All the Parts This will then be a time when all their senses are involved, and they will think and feel as though they already have what they want. They will then be resonating at the same frequency as what they want to attain or experience. Their mind could kick in at this point and say that they are imagining something that is not real. Nonetheless, this doesn’t matter as there is only the now moment, which is why they have to imagine that they already have what they want to attain or are experiencing what they want to experience. Magnetism Naturally, as their mind creates the impression that there is a past, present and future, it is to be expected that this part of them would struggle to accept that there is only now. And, by using their imagination in this way and energetically aligning with what they want to attain or experience, what they want will start to want them. This is not something that they will need to do once and that’s the end of it, though; they will need to continually do this. If they start to notice that they are getting frustrated and are strongly attached to having or experiencing something, this will create a block as they will no longer be energetically aligned. Awareness The other part of this will be for them to take inspired action, as opposed to action that is coming from a place of desperation or force. Additionally, they may have emotional wounds to face and resolve. The reason for this is that they don’t just begin and end with their conscious mind and what is going on for them at a deeper level can hold them back. For example, deep down, they might not feel safe enough or worthy of having or experiencing something.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk False Self: Can Someone Create An Identity In Order To Meet Their Unmet Developmental Needs?19/11/2023
In the same way that someone can more or less always wear the same outfit, they can also more or less always behave in the same way. And, as part of how they behave, they can also typically wear the same type of clothes.
They are then going to be a whole human being that has many different sides, but, based on how they usually behave, this won’t be clear. Naturally, this is going to restrict them and limit their ability to freely express themselves. For Example So, if they are a man, they can generally come across as assertive, certain, and unemotional. Along with this, they can generally wear tight fitting clothes that allow them to show off their physique. On the other hand, if they are a woman, they can generally come across as easy-going, uncertain and emotional. Along with this, they can generally wear clothing that is fairly revealing and allows them to show off their physique. A Few More Alternatively, and regardless of what their sex is, they can generally come across as intelligent and well-informed. They might also have the tendency to dress in a manner that gives the impression that they are intelligent. Then again, they can generally come across as easy-going, caring and selfless. As for their appearance, they might have the tendency to dress well or they might not. The norm Now, regardless of how they typically behave and dress, this can just be what is normal. If so, they probably won’t question why they have the inclination to behave or dress in this way. But, if they were to think about why they are this way, they could say that this is just who they are. Therefore, they will simply be expressing themselves and there will be no other way for them to be. Stepping Back If, however, they were to arrive at the stage where behaving and perhaps dressing as they typically do no longer felt as comfortable, they could wonder why they are this way. They could feel restricted and unable to freely express themselves. Still, if they were to merely imagine changing their behaviour and dressing differently, they could experience fear and anxiety. What could also cross their mind is that they will no longer be accepted. A Closer Look What this is likely to show is that the identity that they have created is partly a way for them to receive what they missed out on during their formative years. Then again, this is unlikely to be something that they consciously chose to create. Instead, it was probably something that they unconsciously created and has been kept in place ever since due to what it allows them to receive. The trouble is that while it will allow them to meet certain needs, it will cause other needs to be overlooked. Going Deeper If they typically play the role of being overly masculine or feminine, for instance, it is likely that this will allow them to meet the same needs. Deep down, this can allow them to feel loved, accepted and as though they belong. What this will illustrate is that a big part of them believes that this will only take place if they play a certain role. If they were to freely express themselves, then, this wouldn’t take place. Back In Time As an adult, of course, there will be their adult need to be loved, accepted and to feel as though they belong. Nonetheless, if they were deprived during their formative years, they won’t have learnt that this is something that can take place by themselves. Furthermore, if they were deeply deprived throughout this stage of their life, they won’t have a sense of wholeness. Said another way, they will be empty and be looking for things that other adults are unable to provide them. Conditional Love Other adults, with their own needs and issues, won’t always be able to love and accept them. Moreover, another person can do this in one moment but they might not be able to do this in another. This is why trying to meet their unmet development needs in a conditional world is going to be both exhausting and frustrating. Along with this, as it will be too late for them to meet their unmet developmental needs, not to mention that other adults won’t be their parent or parents, they will never truly be able to fill the hole that is inside them. An Illusion But, thanks to transference, the attention, acceptance and approval that they receive from others, by playing a role, will cause their unconscious mind will believe that they are receiving what they missed out on all those years ago. Symbolically, then, certain people will represent their mother and perhaps their father. When it comes to what their early years were like, this may have been a time when both their mother and perhaps father were emotionally unavailable and unable to provide them with what they needed. Yet, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and that they would only be loved if they hid themselves and behaved in a certain way. A continuation The years would then have passed and the role that they play may have changed and perhaps become more adult like but it will be a role nevertheless. What they can keep in mind is that how they were treated was a reflection of what was going on for their mother and perhaps father – it was not a reflection of their worth or lovability. Due to what they experienced, in addition to their unmet developmental needs, they are likely to carry a lot of pain. Facing and working through this pain and experiencing these unmet developmental needs is likely to take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this can they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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