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There are those who had a childhood that was very nurturing and then there are those that didn’t. Along with this, there are those that had a childhood that was in the middle; neither very nurturing nor overly depriving.
When it comes to someone who had a very loving childhood, it can seem as though they were lucky. Yet, when it comes to someone who didn’t have a loving childhood, it can seem as though they were unlucky. A natural Outlook But, as one person will have been born into a loving family and one person won’t have, this is to be expected. One person won’t have been deserving of being loved and the other undeserving of being loved, so what other conclusion could be formed? And, what took place at a stage of their life when they were powerless and totally dependent will play a big part in what their life is like as an adult. Therefore, the luck or bad luck that someone experienced very early on is likely to have stayed with them. The Next Step As a result of this, it could be said that some people just happen to be treated well when they are younger and some people don’t. Life is then a lot kinder to some people than it is to others. Now, if someone was treated badly during their formative years, having this view could make them feel even worse. The reason for this is that not only were they treated badly but they just happened to end up with a family like this. Another part What this could also do is validate how they already feel about themselves. So, as they were treated badly, they can believe that they don’t deserve to be treated well, and, as they were ‘unlucky’, this will add more weight to what they already believe. They can believe that if they did deserve to be treated well, they would have been lucky during this stage of their life and had loving parents. They might even believe that someone or something ‘out there’ was punishing them and is continuing to do so. Another Angle Nonetheless, what if they were not merely unlucky during this phase of their life and played a part in why they had the parents that they had? Upon hearing this, they could be deeply angry. They could say that there is no way that they would have chosen their parents. But, as this was a stage of their life when they suffered immensely, how else would they respond? Steeping Back There is a chance that they might need to work on their inner wounds for quite some time before they are able to deeply reflect on this viewpoint. If so, they are going to be carrying too much pain and hurt to be able to explore this point. Then again, as hard as it might be for a part of them to consider this point, another part of them might want to know more. This part might want to know how they might have played a part in why they had the parents that they had. Going Deeper What first needs to be acknowledged is something called the law of resonance. What this law states is that everyone and everything is made up of vibrating energy, and, in order for one person to be drawn to another person or thing, there needs to be an energetic match. When there is an energetic match, there will be a coming together. Conversely, when there is not an energetic match, it won’t be possible for a person to be drawn to another person or thing. The Next part Assuming that this is the truth, although they were in an underdeveloped state when they were in their mother’s womb, they didn’t just randomly end up there. There had to be an energetic match, otherwise, they would have been in another woman’s womb. The part of them that already came in with a certain vibration, then, could be seen as their soul. And, as to why this part of them would already have a certain vibration, it could be said that this is a consequence of the last life/lives that they had. Not a Blank Slate Thus, once their last life came to an end, their slate wasn’t fully wiped clean, so to speak; what was going on in this life influenced their next life. One way of looking at this would be to say that what was not resolved was brought forward, to their next life, so that it could finally be resolved. If they are on board with this understanding, they will see that it is not they were unlucky and some other people were lucky; what they experienced was a continuation from where they left off last time. But, as they would have been too underdeveloped to realise what was going on and been born into a society that generally doesn’t explore this topic, it is not a surprise that they would have come to believe that what took place was random and that they were being punished. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When it comes to self-development, a lot is often said about the importance of being positive. The impact that this will have on how someone feels, their relationships and their ability to attain what they desire is typically mentioned.
With this in mind, if someone is into self-development, and even if they are not as a lot of what is spoken about in this area has entered the mainstream, they can do what they can to be positive. This can take place by them having ‘positive’ thoughts, using affirmations and focusing on the things that they are grateful for, for instance. One Experience Thanks to this, they can generally feel good, their relationships can be fulfilling and, over the years, they might have achieved a number of their goals. Still, although they will have the need to be positive, it doesn’t mean that they will act as though they live in a one-sided world. Therefore, they can allow themselves to feel their ‘negative’ feelings as opposed to denying them. This will show that they are able to face both sides of life and are not out of balance. A Clear Understanding What this might illustrate is that they realise that, if they don’t face how they feel, they will be living in denial. It could also show that they are aware of how purely being positive more or less all the time would cause them to suppress and repress how they feel. If they were to do this, they would be full of positivity on one level and full of negativity on another. The positivity that they experience would then be undermined by the negativity that they are also carrying. An Illusion What this shows is that it is possible for someone to cover up what is really going on for them by being positive. The negativity, by being pushed out of their conscious awareness, will then have appeared to have disappeared. In reality, it will have simply been moved to another part of them and won’t have actually gone anywhere. But, as their brain will have the ability to lose touch with this material, it is possible for someone to actually believe that it has gone. A Different Reality However, even though there are some people who are positive and embrace what is not positive inside them, there are others who don’t. When someone is in this position, they are going to do everything that they can to more or less always be positive. Whenever they experience a ‘negative’ thought or feeling, they are likely to cover up what is going on for them. Instead of being able to accept the dual nature of life, then, they will reject one side of life. Self-Deception By having ‘positive’ thoughts and feelings, they can believe that the ‘negativity’ that they were experiencing has disappeared. There are at least two reasons as to why they would believe this. First, one thing they are likely to believe is that their thoughts always create their feelings. Second, their brain has the ability to remove what is painful from their conscious awareness and, thereby, create the impression that it has gone. A Build-Up Yet, along with their thoughts having the ability to create how they feel, their thoughts can also trigger, and be a consequence of, repressed feelings. And, as their brain has the ability to remove what is painful from their conscious awareness, they will be deceived. A natural outcome of them more or less always being positive, then, is that not only will they be in denial about what is really going on for them but they will carry a lot of ‘negativity’. Beyond their conscious sense of themselves, they will be carrying a lot of baggage. A Big Impact They will then see themselves as someone who is positive and even as having a ‘high’ vibration, and on one level this will be the case, but, another part of them will be full of ‘negativity’ and will be vibrating at a ‘low’ frequency. What is truly going on for them is also likely to stand out So, they could have people in their life who are very ‘negative’ and often end up in situations that are very ‘negative’. Ultimately, their reality will be mirroring back what is going on for them, but, as they see themselves as someone who is ‘positive’ and are unaware of the ‘negativity’ that they are carrying, they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. Nowhere to Run Sooner or later, what they have been avoiding is likely to catch up with them. At this point, they simply won’t be able to deny what is going on for them and will have to face reality. This can be a time when they will have to face and work through a lot of pain. This pain can relate to the experiences that they have had as an adult and during their early years. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
At this point in time, someone could find it hard to understand why they are experiencing life in a certain way. Based on the life that they lead, they can believe that they shouldn’t be the way that they are.
The reason for this is that their life could be good in so many ways and yet they can often be depressed. As a result of this, it can be as though what is going on for them internally is completely irrational. A Mismatch When it comes to what their life is like, they could have good health, they could live in an uplifting environment, they could have good friends, and they could have a good job. Additionally, they may or may not be in an intimate relationship and they could be in a very good position financially. On this level, then, they will appear to have just about everything. Now, this is not to say that their life is perfect but they certainly won’t be living on the street, going hungry or isolated from others, for instance. Keeping It in Thanks to what their life is like, they could feel guilty and ashamed for not being able to truly embrace the life that they lead. Moreover, they could feel deeply ungrateful and thus, have the need to keep what is going on for them to themselves. They could believe that if they were to open up to someone, they could end up being told that they have no reason to be depressed as their life is going so well. Due to this, they won’t be seen as having the right to not be full of happiness and gratitude. Weighed Down If they do keep what is going on for them to themselves, it is going to take a lot of energy for them to pretend that everything is fine. And, as they are not in a good place, they are not going to have a great deal of energy to spare. So, sooner or later, they could end up opening up to a close friend or family member and what they fear will happen, might happen. If it does, they could end up feeling guilty and ashamed. External Feedback They could be told that they simply need to focus on what their life is like and not get caught up in their ‘negative’ thoughts. Furthermore, they could be told that their ‘negative’ thoughts are defining how they feel. By having the right thoughts, then, they will be able to change how they experience life. If they were to heed this advice, they may find that it is not long before they start to feel better; then again, this approach might not have any effect whatsoever. A Closer Look Assuming that this approach doesn’t work and even if it does, as it might not last, it will be clear that it is not their ‘negative’ thoughts that are causing them to experience life in this way. Most likely, their thoughts will be a reflection of what is taking place for them at a deeper level. These thoughts are then providing them with valuable feedback and are not the problem per se, which is why replacing them with ‘positive’ thoughts is not the answer. Another part of them is not going to be on board with the life that they lead and this is why there is a mismatch. Two Levels What needs to be acknowledged at this stage is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind; they also have an unconscious mind. This other, bigger part of them contains denied parts of them, unmet needs from their childhood and adulthood, and pain, amongst other things. Considering this, perhaps the reason that they are not happy with the life that they lead, even though they appear to have it all, is because it is not a life that is in alignment with their true self. If they were connected to their needs and feelings, they might soon end up changing the life that they lead so that it is in alignment with who they really are. Another Element At the same time, the life that they lead might be in alignment with who they are but they could also be unconsciously trying to receive the love that they missed out on as a child. But, as this stage of their life is over and it is too late for them to receive this love, it won’t matter what they do. The outcome of this is that no matter what they do or how fulfilling their life is, they will still experience a deep sense of being deprived and will feel hopeless and helpless as they won’t be able to receive what a big part of them desperately wants to receive. Yet, as they are not consciously aware of what is going on for them at this level, how they feel will naturally be seen as irrational. Reconnecting What this illustrates is how important it is for someone to explore what is taking place inside their unconscious mind. If this part of them is overlooked, it will be normal for inaccurate assessments to be made by both themselves and others. For example, their mind can just appear to be playing up and their thoughts and feelings can appear to be irrational. By realising that there is another part of them, though, it will be easier to get to the bottom of what is going on. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk False Self: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone’s True Self To Be Dominated By Their False Self?9/2/2023
While someone’s life can be an expression of their needs and feelings, it can also be an expression of the needs and feelings of others. When it relates to the former, this will be their real self, and, when it relates to the latter, this will be their unreal self.
Naturally, when someone’s life is an expression of their needs and feelings, it is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be otherwise. Needless to say, doing what other people want is not going to allow them to have a very enriching life. The Norm But, although this will be the case, someone can be out of touch with themselves and not be aware of it. Doing what other people want is then going to be normal and this won’t stand out. Furthermore, they can come across as though they are happy and are on the right path, so to speak. From the outside, it will seem as if they are in tune with themselves and are doing what is right for them. Not an Act When they are by themselves, they could also be happy and pleased with how their life is going. In this case, they are not going to be putting on an act when they are around others and dropping this act when they are alone; this act will have consumed them. If there are moments when they feel down or frustrated, they could soon do something that will push this feedback out of their conscious awareness. This could be something that takes place so fast that they won’t even be aware of what they are doing. One Area When it comes to what they do for a living, then, this could be something that allows them to receive a fair amount of approval. They could often be told, by their clients or customers, that they are a good person and are selfless. A number of their family members and friends could also often tell them that they are a good person. The feedback that they receive from others is going to play a part in keeping their true feelings and needs at bay. The Same Position If they are in a romantic relationship, they are likely to be with someone that is also out of touch with themselves. Due to this, they are going to have a very surface-level connection. Two false selves will be validating each other and helping to keep the other's false self in place and true self at bay. Therefore, if it appears to be the perfect relationship, this will be nothing more than a facade. Breaking Through However, as the years go by, it is likely to get harder for them to keep their true feelings and needs at bay. The reason for this is that their defences are likely to break and the other part of them, their real self, will start to break through. What could play a part in this is a breakup, the loss of a job, or an illness. Their false self will still be there at this point, keeping the true self at bay but it won’t be as effective at doing this as it was before. Confusion Sooner or later, they could wonder why they are behaving in a way that is not truly serving them. They could also find it hard to understand how it was possible for them to be out of touch with themselves for so long and not realise it. What they do for a living could enter their mind and they could find that they are doing something that doesn’t really interest them. If they are in a relationship, they could see that it might make them look good but it doesn’t do much else. What’s going on? When it comes to why they were unable to realise what was going on for so long, this could be because they had to lose touch with themselves very early on. Practically from the moment they were born, one or both of their parents might not have truly been able to be there for them. Instead, they might have been forced to play a role and be there for their parent or parents. Their real feelings and a number of their needs would then have been covered up. A False Self What would have been placed on top of their true self would have been a self that was built over many years. This self would have been outer-directed and its priority would have been to please their parent or parents. Focusing on their needs and doing what they could to please them would have been the only way for them to survive. Expressing themselves, on the other hand, would have caused them to suffer and be a threat to their survival. Life or Death There are still likely to have been moments when they were rejected and abandoned. So, taking into account how it was for them very early on, it is not going to be a surprise that their false self has had such a strong need to outmuscle their true self. It won’t have done this to make them suffer; it will have done this to protect them. It won’t have mattered that they were no longer a powerless and dependent child as a big part of them won’t have and still won’t realise this. Awareness It will be a case of gradually phasing this false self out and their true self in. This will take courage and patience and persistence. If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to someone’s sexual side, it can be like another food that they have as part of a meal or it can be something that they have late at night. In other words, it can be something that is just part of a relationship that they are in or it can be something that they engage in with another person who they have very little connection with.
In the first example, it can show that they are a fairly integrated human being who is able to both love and be sexually attracted to the same person. In the second, it can show that they are not a fairly integrated human being and that they are unable to both love and be attracted to the same person. The Exception Of course, in today’s age, sex is generally not seen as in the same way as it was in the past. As a result of this, if someone is purely having sex with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not integrated and are unable to both love and be sexually attracted to the same person. It could simply show that they are at a stage in their life where they are not ready for more and still want to experience the physical side of things. Still, their view of sex, how effective their ability is to regulate their system and what their friendships are like, for instance, can all play a part in if they do purely share their body with another. Moving On But with that aside, if someone is unable to love and be sexually attracted to the same person, they can experience life in a variety of different ways. So, they can engage in casual encounters, be in a relationship but have at least one person on the side or have a relationship and deny their sexual side. In each of these examples, each part of someone’s being will not show up. In the first, they will share their body and perhaps their mind with one person but they won’t share their heart with anyone and, in the second, they will share their mind and heart with one person and their body and perhaps their mind with at least one other person or they won’t share their body with anyone. The Norm When it comes to how they experience life, this can just be normal which means that it is unlikely to stand out. If they only have casual encounters, then, this can just be what is comfortable and they might not feel the urge to experience more. In this case, having sex might be a way for them to release tension and bolster their self-image. As their emotional self is not involved, it is unlikely to be a way for them to deeply connect to another and express their love for them. Another Experience If they were to end up getting into a relationship, they might soon lose their desire for their partner. It would then be clear that they are unable to both love and be sexually attracted to the same person. Nonetheless, they could believe that they just haven’t found the right person and could soon look for someone else. After perhaps having more casual encounters, they could end up in the same position. Stepping Back Sooner or later, they could end up wondering why they are this way and what they can do to change this area of their life. At this point, they might want all of them to be on board with the same person as opposed to only being able to share part of them with one person and perhaps to share different parts of them with different people. If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could be due to what took place during their formative years. Now, as these two parts of them are not integrated, it could show that their developmental needs were often overlooked. Going Deeper Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been left and this would have deprived them of what they needed and caused them to experience a lot of pain. Along with this, they would have come to feel ashamed of their needs. To handle the pain they were in, they would have ended up emotionally shutting down and losing touch with a number of their needs. Naturally, this would have caused them to become a fractured human being. The Outcome The years would have passed but the pain and unmet developmental needs inside them won’t have disappeared. This pain will have ended up being redirected to their genitals, giving them a high sex drive. Not only will sex allow them to let go of some of the tension that has built up through carrying this pain but it will also be an unconscious attempt at trying to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago. Being in a relationship, on the other hand, will be a challenge as they won’t be able to be emotionally present due to carrying so much pain and being shut down as a way to keep it together and function, and expressing their needs is likely to unlock early shame and the fear of being rejected and abandoned. Moving Forward With this in mind, for them to become a more whole and integrated human being, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, if someone is highly driven, they can be seen as having high self-esteem and as an example of how to live. They are then going to have it together and be a well-adjusted human being.
Thanks to how driven they are, they might have made a lot of progress in at least one area of their life. If so, they can be seen as ‘successful’ by a number of people and this will allow them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback. No Time to Be When it comes to how they live each day of their life, they could practically always be on the go. From the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep, then, they will typically be in doing mode. And, even if they do take a step back from doing something and just be, they could soon feel agitated. Their mind could end up being consumed by what they need to do before the end of the day or a certain part of the day. No Different If they were to go on holiday, it might not be much different either with them having the need to do things. For example, this could be a time when they end up listening to audiobooks or podcasts or going from one activity to another. If they were to just sit back or use a spa, for instance, once again, they could soon feel agitated, with their mind coming up with all the things that they should be doing. What might allow them to let go and settle down is if they were to drink alcohol. Force But, even if this was to work, they won’t truly be in a relaxed state. What is really going on for them would be covered up, while a small part of them would be able to feel settled. This is then similar to what happens if someone takes a local anaesthetic before a minor operation; part of them won’t feel anything, whilst another part of them will. Ultimately, due to how fired up they are, their whole being wont truly be able to settle down. Too Much A time might arrive, though, when they are unable to continue to behave in the same way. This could be something that takes place towards the end of their life or it could happen before then. Irrespective of when it happens, it could be because they have become unwell or are simply exhausted. They will have been taken out but they could resist what is going on and try to go back to how they were. A Battle After resisting what is taking place for a little while, they could end up being forced to surrender. It is at this point that they could wonder why they have been so driven and haven’t been able to truly relax. If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it might show that they have been trying to receive the love that they missed out on as a child. Hoverer, it might appear as though love has got absolutely nothing to do with how driven they are. One experience If it was out forward to them that this is why they are so driven, they could dismiss it straight away. They could say that they are not interested in being loved and that they just want to be as successful as they can be. On one level, this might be the case, but at a deeper level, what is likely to be fuelling them is their unmet developmental need to be loved by their parents. Therefore, this need won’t have made it through to their conscious awareness yet it will still be exerting a big influence on their life. A Defence With this in mind, their compulsive need to do and achieve things will serve at least two purposes. First, it will be a way for them to try to receive what they missed out on very early on, and second, it will be a way for them to unconsciously stop how they felt all those years ago from entering their conscious awareness. So, assuming that they have been trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years, this is likely to have been a time when they were deeply deprived. They might have been physically harmed, verbally put down and/or neglected. Redirected Regardless of what happened, their need to be loved wouldn’t have been met and this would have greatly wounded them. This need, along with the pain they experienced, wouldn’t have disappeared, though; it would have been repressed and rechanneled. The outcome of this is that they would have turned into a human doing that had the need to achieve things in order to finally be loved. The trouble is that as this stage of their life is over, the time for them to be loved by their parents is also over. A waste of Time This is why, no matter what they achieve and how much approval they receive from others, it won’t fill in the hole inside them. For them to end their struggle for a type of love that can no longer be provided, they will most likely need to face the pain that they experienced at this stage of their life and experience their unmet developmental needs. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What someone could find is that they are often in a position where part of them has the need to do one thing whilst another part of them has the need to do something else. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of unnecessary stress and confusion.
Not only this, they could be used to doing things that they would rather not do. It could go even further than this though, as just about their whole life could have very little to do with who they are. A Frustrating Existence For most of their life, this is likely to have just been what was normal and this will mean that they were not aware of it. This is likely to have meant that they often felt down and low but had no idea why this was. Thanks to them being aware of the different elements inside them, it will be clear why they have lived and live a life that is not very fulfilling. But, although this will be the case, they can feel as though they have no control over what is going on. A Strong Pull In general, what they want to do will be outmuscled by what they don’t want to do, with them feeling like they are possessed by an outside force. For example, they might want to spend some time by themselves but after a friend asks them if they would like to go out, they soon overlook this need. Or someone could ask them if they could do something for them and they could say yes, without taking the time to tune into their own needs. Now, to do each of these things, as well as others, from time to time is not going to undermine them but when this is the norm, it is going to. A Sense of Confusion When they are asked to do something, they may find that they end up losing touch with their own needs and it seems as though they actually do want to do something. Once they have done something and even while they are doing it, it could become clear that this wasn’t the case. What this is likely to illustrate is how strong their need is to please others. Based on what is going on, it could be as if they have an intruder inside them that is in control of their life. A Challenge However, regardless of how strong this other part appears to be, it is not going to be a reflection of their true self. Yet, like a jacket that they have worn for years, it will feel very much a part of them. If this other part wasn’t there, they would be able to be in tune with and express themselves. Their life would be far easier and they would be able to create a life that is in alignment with who they are, not who they feel compelled to be. What’s going on? What may have entered their mind on a number of occasions is why their life is this way. If their life has been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a stage of their life when they were largely forced to meet their parent or parent’s needs. This would have caused them to lose touch with their own needs and to play a role. A New Self If they were not powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have gone along with what was taking place. But, as pleasing their parent or parents was the only way for them to survive, they had no choice. Before long, their parent’s needs would have been seen as their own needs and they wouldn’t have realised that they were completely estranged from themselves. As they would have ended up automatically disconnecting from their body to avoid the pain they were in and would have lived in their head, they would have been like a machine that had been programmed to perform a certain task. History repeats itself There is a strong chance that their parent or parents were also playing a role during this time and were out of touch with their own essence. During their early years, they were probably forced to meet their parent or parents needs. In all of these cases, it relates to a child becoming the parent and the parent becoming the child. Therefore, what is needed by the child is not provided and they are deeply deprived as a result. Drawing the Line For them to gradually phase out the part of them that doesn’t reflect their needs or feelings and reconnect with their body, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is going to take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone went on a drive and a road was closed, they would need to change their route. As frustrating as this may be, it would be a minor inconvenience and it would, ultimately, allow them to reach their destination.
This is then an example of someone adapting to a situation and, at the same time, not being negatively affected by it. If they resisted what was going on and didn’t adapt, they would have caused themselves an unnecessary problem. A Big Difference Now, although adapting to a situation can help someone, it can also hinder them. This could be the case if they were to end up going along with something that another person wanted them to do instead of doing what is right for them. By going against their original plan, it won’t serve them in the short term or the long term. When it comes to the first example, they will be momentarily put out but they will soon benefit from changing their course. A Big Difference Most likely, just about everyone on this planet will have moments when they are forced to adapt. However, there is a big difference between having moments like this and living a life when this is the norm. When it relates to the latter, someone could be so used to going along with what other people want that it doesn’t even stand out. Moreover, different circumstances could also continually define how they behave. Watered Down How they come across and their life itself will have very little if anything to do with who they really are. The people in their like could then say that they know them but they won’t really know them. For this to change, they will need to spend less time adapting to others and different circumstances. In order for this to take place, though, they will need to become aware of what is going on, assuming that this is not something that already stands out. A Miserable Existence If it doesn’t stand out, they are still likely to experience a fair amount of frustration and even feel low. But, they could often automatically distract themselves so that what is going on for them rarely enters their conscious awareness. After a while, this approach might no longer work and they could find that it is hard for them to function. Consequently, they could end up being put on medication or having some mind-based therapy, for instance. Business A Usual This might allow them to get back on the treadmill, so to speak, but it probably won’t allow them to get to the root of what is going on. For this to happen, they might need to experience something that is fairly stressful. If they were to have a breakup, a breakdown, lose their job or a friendship was to fall apart, this could be the start of what will allow them to gradually change their life. Sooner or later, they could see that they have been playing a role for most of their life and that this has nothing to do with who they are. Confusion After this, they could wonder why they have such a strong need to hide themselves and go along with what is going on around them. If they were to imagine expressing themselves and no longer simply going along with what is taking place externally, they could end up feeling deeply uncomfortable. This is not going to be something that will serve them; it will be seen as something that is a threat to their very survival. What this is likely to illustrate is that their formative years were not very nurturing. Way Back Practically from the moment they were born, they might have often been left and when they were given care, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have deeply wounded them and as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was very little that they could do. Their only option would have been to go into shutdown, collapsed and frozen state and disconnect from themselves. Having needs would have been too painful and expressing them would have been seen as something that would cause them to be abandoned and to die. The Past Is Present In all likelihood, they would have continued to be left even though they didn’t express their needs. But due to their level of development at this stage, what was taking place would have been personalised as they wouldn’t have been in a position to realise that how they were treated was a consequence of what was going on for their parent or parents. The outcome of this is that they wouldn’t have been able to grow out of this dependent stage and this is why they will continue to see their survival as being based on them hiding themselves, so their needs and feelings, and being a non-entity. Most if not all of the pain and arousal that they experienced throughout this stage is likely to be held inside them. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What can be normal is for someone to live in their head and to have a weak connection with their body. In fact, this part of them can be seen as simply being there to support their head.
By having the tendency to live in this way, it can mostly be as though they are nothing more than an observer of life. They are then going to be here and have their own life but this won’t be something that they can generally relate to; it will be as though they are watching life from the outside. Disconnected Not having a strong connection with their body may mean that they are somewhat intellectual. It could go even further than this, though, as they could spend most of their life researching and writing. Either way, they might not have a strong desire to be around people and may be drawn to things instead. So, if they are not drawn to books, for example, they could spend a lot of time watching films or playing video games. Out of Reach Most of their needs are likely to be outside of their conscious awareness, which is why they are unlikely to have a strong need to spend time around others. What this will do is leave them with a number of basic needs and perhaps a number of mental needs. As for their feelings, they are likely to have a very weak connection with this part of them and, at times, they could experience a fair amount of inner tension. To handle this tension, however, they could have a number of activities to keep it out of their conscious awareness. Their presence When it comes to how they often come across, it can be as if they are somewhere else and are not very grounded. In other words, they are unlikely to have a strong presence or appear to have much substance. Along with this, they could be very easy-going and not have a strong backbone. But, as a lot of their energy is going to be up top, so to speak, and they will be out of touch with the power in their body, this is to be expected. A Divided Being Ultimately, they will be a watered-down version of themselves and they won’t be anything like the person that they could be if they were rooted in their body. Now, although this can just be what is normal and how they have been for as long as they can remember, it doesn’t mean that they were simply born this way. Nonetheless, if this is just what is normal, they are not going to have another way of being to compare it. If they were to step back and reflect on why they experience life in this way, it could show that they have been through something that has shaken them up. The Catalyst For example, they might have ended up losing their job or got to the stage where living in this way has become too painful and lonely. Thanks to this, they might have ended up wondering what is going on. They could be totally fed up, at this point, of being in a disconnected state and want to reconnect to themselves and their fellow human beings. If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it could be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. Too Much This may show that they were often left and when they were given care, it was largely misattuned care. Consequently, they would have been totally overwhelmed and unable to handle the pain and arousal, causing them to disconnect from their body. As they were powerless and totally dependent, leaving themselves was their only way to keep it together and survive. Therefore, it is not that they have chosen to be this way; they had to adapt in this way or they wouldn’t be alive. Another Element In addition to what took place when they were an infant, they might have also been deeply traumatised as the years went by. This may have been a time when they were often physically harmed and abandoned. This would have created an even bigger gap between their mind and their body, that’s if that was even possible. Either way, this would have caused them to accumulate even more pain and arousal. A Natural Outcome With this in mind, there is nothing inherently wrong with them; how they experience life is simply a sign that their developmental years were brutal. How they experience life as an adult is going to cause them to suffer but their system did what it had to do to ensure their survival. In order for them to go from a divided to a connected human being, it will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they might need to reach out for support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone will have a number of needs, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of all of them. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to meet all their needs.
By living in this way, they are going to be depriving themselves of a lot of what they need. They can then often feel drained and even exhausted but they won’t be able to join the dots, to speak. It’s Normal This could be how they have lived for a very long time, so there will be no reason for what is going on to stand out. There could be a number of things that they automatically do to handle the pain that they experience through living in this way. For example, they could end up drinking, eating and/or watching something on TV. This will keep their pain at bay if only for a short while and then they can end up doing something else. The Basics When it comes to the needs that they do meet, this can relate to their need to eat, drink, sleep, have somewhere to live and clothing to wear. Meeting these needs will allow them to survive but what it won’t do is allow them to thrive. As for what they do for a living, they could have a job that is very monotonous and soul-destroying. Still, it might just about provide them with enough money to make ends meet. Another Area When it comes to their relationships, they might have a number of friends but they might not be close to them, though, with them being more like associates. They might not be in a relationship and they might not have ever had one either. What they may have had over the years are a number of casual encounters. This would then have been a time when some of their physical needs were met but that would have been about as far as it went. Out of Touch Nonetheless, if they are not connected to their emotional needs and even a number of their physical needs such as the need to be touched and held; they are not going to have the need to be in an intimate relationship. These needs will be inside them but they will end up redirected and sexualised in the process. Having these kinds of encounters can allow them to release tension and thus, allow them to settle down for short while but they are unlikely to do much else. There could come a point in time when they have had enough of living in this way. Stepping Back If they were to step back and reflect on how they experience life, they could wonder why they are out of touch with a number of their needs. They could see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Along with this, they may see that there have been moments when they tried to directly and/or indirectly meet their physical and emotional needs and didn’t get very far. This may have typically been a time when they didn’t get very far and ended up feeling hopeless and helpless and went into a collapsed physical state. Totally Powerless If they were to think about expressing their needs, this could be a time when they experience shame and expect to be rejected and abandoned. They can then see their needs as being a burden and something that will put their very survival at risk. At this point, they could believe that it is simply not possible for them to meet certain needs and that it is best for them to do what they can to ignore them. How they have been for so long will then be their only option and they will have to hope that that life changes. Going Deeper Taking all this into account, there is a strong chance that they are this way due to what took place during their formative years. Practically, from the moment they were born, they may have often been left. This would have deprived them of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way and, as they were powerless and dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and their needs and they would have gone into a disconnected, shut-down, frozen and collapsed state. How It Was What this illustrates is that how they feel as an adult, when it comes to their needs, is a reflection of not only how they felt during their formative years but what it was actually like for them. They were unable to meet their needs at this point yet this is no longer the case. Nonetheless, for them to know this at an emotional level as opposed to it just being an idea that their mind dismisses, they will probably need to face and work through the pain that they experienced all those years ago and express their unmet developmental needs. This will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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