Child Abuse: Can Someone Find It Hard To Assert Themselves If They Were Abused As A Child?

If someone were to take step back and reflect on their life, what they may see is that they have the tendency to be easy going. It will then be normal for them to do what other people want and to ignore their own needs.

As a result, they will often ignore their thoughts and feelings and do things that they don’t want to do. They are then going to be a separate human being, but it will be as if they are an extension of others.

A Bleak Existence

Living in this way is going to stop them from living a life that is in alignment with who they are. This is because a number of their needs will typically be overlooked, which will cause them to be deprived.

And, if they are often mistreated, too, they will also live a life where they are regularly violated. What this will mean is that they will live a life where they are harmed as well as deprived.

One Conclusion

If they were to look back on their life, they could see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. What might then enter their mind is that they are missing something.

Unlike others, then, they won’t have what they need to be able to freely express themselves. Additionally, they could believe that there is something inherently wrong with them.

An Expected outcome

But, as they find it so hard to express themselves, it could be said that it is not much of a surprise if they come to this conclusion. What should be normal is for them to freely express themselves.

Expressing their needs and sharing their thoughts and feelings should be what feels comfortable. If they were merely an extension of others, they wouldn’t need to do this as other people would be able to do it for them.

An Exercise

For them to gain a deeper understanding of why they are this way, it will be a good idea for them to use their imagination. What they can do is imagine that they are in a situation where it is necessary for them to say no and make it clear that they don't want to do something.

At first, they could experience a sense of relief but after a while, they could feel anxious and fearful. If this takes place, it will be as if expressing themselves is a threat to their survival.

A Bizarre Scenario

Not listening to themselves is going to cause them to suffer but the alternative will be seen as something that is far worse. With so much to lose by expressing themselves, it is to be expected that they would live life in this way.

However, one way of looking at what is going on for them would be to say that it is irrational. Unless they live under a dictator, for instance, expressing themselves and doing what is right for them is not going to cause them to die.

Another Angle

This will then be something that they need to realise in order for their life to go in a different direction. Yet, although what is going on for them will be irrational there may have been a stage of their life when it wasn’t.

During their formative years, they might have been brought up by a mother and/or father who were abusive. This would then have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Closer Look

Throughout this stage of their life, if they didn’t do what one or both of them wanted, they might have been threatened or hit. Along with this, there might have been moments when they were left and ended up being isolated.

Therefore, they would have soon learnt that it wasn’t safe for them to express themselves and have a voice. To avoid being harmed and perhaps isolated, they would have gradually lost touch with their true self and stopped expressing themselves.

Self-Alienation

The connection that they had to their feeling and embodied true self would have been replaced with a disconnected and perhaps unfeeling false self. This self would have been outer-directed and focused on pleasing others.

The pain that they experienced and a number of their needs would also have been repressed. A stage of their life, then, that should have prepared them for the world would have greatly undermined them and estranged them from themselves.

A New Reality

This stage of their life will be over but they won’t have a strong connection with their body or feel safe enough to inhabit it. They will also be carrying a lot of pain and unmet developmental needs.

Taking this into account, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet development needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk