Child Abuse: Can Someone Have The Need To Stay Small If They Were Abused As A Child?

Even though someone can be free to express themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will do so. Instead, based on how they typically behave, it can be as though they are in an invisible prison.

However, if this is just what is normal, they might not realise that they are living in a very restrictive manner. Still, as they don’t freely express themselves, this is likely to have a negative impact on them.

The Symptoms

For example, they can often feel low and even depressed. During this time, they can feel very heavy and their physical body can go into a collapsed state.

But, by not being aware of why they end up having this experience, they can believe that they just suffer from depression, for instance. The outcome of this is that they can end up being put on medication.

One part

Now, as they seldom freely express themselves, it is going to mean that a number of their needs are seldom, if ever, met. So, when they are around others, they can have the tendency to stay in the background and not speak up.

This can take place when they are at work, with friends and family. If so, they are going to be used to listening to others and they could often be described as being quiet and/or shy.

The Other Part

Naturally, staying in the background is not going to allow them to be seen and heard or feel valued and appreciated. Moreover, being this way is likely to have prevented them from being able to make a great deal of progress when it comes to their job or career.

It can be as if they are stuck in the same place and are unable to move forward. What they may believe, if they were to think about this area of their life, is that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back.

One Route

After arriving at the stage where they can no longer tolerate living in this way, they could end up wondering why their life is so unfulfilling. What might end up entering their mind is how they rarely show up around others and do what they can to avoid attention.

They could find that although this is not serving them, it is what feels comfortable. If they were to imagine that they no longer held themselves back and freely expressed themselves, they might soon experience anxiety and fear.

Confusion

If so, they could believe that there is no reason for them to feel this way and that this inner experience is ‘irrational’. Moreover, if they were to speak to a friend about what is going on for them, this friend could also say the same thing.

However, if what took place during their formative years were taken into account, what is going on for them as an adult might make complete sense. This might have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of their life, or a big part of it, they might have been physically harmed verbally put down and left. Therefore, the security, safety, protection and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided.

This would then have been a time when they felt insecure, unsafe, exposed and unloved. To handle what was going on, they are likely to have lost touch with their connected, true self and developed a disconnected, false self.

The message

Most likely, one or both of their parents were deeply wounded human beings who simply couldn’t give them what they needed. But, as they were egocentric, they are likely to have come to believe that they were worthless and unlovable

Also, they are likely to have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to exist, express themselves or be seen and heard. Along with this, being greatly deprived would have caused them to experience a lot of pain.

Two Parts

On one hand, then, there will be the beliefs that they formed and, on the other, there will be the pain that they experienced as a result of certain developmental needs not being met. This pain and these needs would have ended up being repressed by their brain, to allow them to keep it together and function.

With this in mind, for their life to change, they will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk