Child Abuse: Does A Child Need To Be ‘Physically Disciplined’?

There is a video circulating online where two police officers visit a home, after being informed that a child is being abused. It starts with a police officer saying to a woman, “We’re here to investigate a child abuse complaint”.

The woman then responds with, “I didn’t call the police”. Soon after, her son appears and says, “I did. She hit me with a belt”.

The police officer then asks, “Is that true, ma’me?” The woman, his mother, then says, “I found out from Daniels teacher he’s been cutting class and when I asked him about it, he lied, so I hit him”.

After this, the other police officer says, “Come here, kid”. He then says to him, “How long ago did this happen?” The boy says, “A few hours ago”. The police officer replies with, “How many times did she hit you?”

The boy says, “Three – she whacked me right on the butt”. After hearing this, the police officer says, “She hit you anywhere else?”, and the boy replies with, “No”.

The boy is then asked, “She hit you with her fist or another object?” and the boy says, “No, just the belt”. He is then asked, “Has this happened before?” and the boy says, “No”.

The police officer then says, “All right, I’m gonna need to take that belt and put it into evidence”. His mother, talking to the other police officer says, “He’s been acting out a little and I felt like I had to” and she then says, after the other officer goes back to talk to her, “am I going to jail?”

The police officer says to her son, “You called the police on your mom because she disciplined you for ditching school?”  The boy says, “That’s child abuse, I’ve got rights”, and the police officer says, “Who told you that?” and he replies, “My friends”

After this, the police officer says, “Hit him again” while looking toward his mother, and says, “You know what, you got some bad advice from your buddies in the playground, pal. You don’t ever call the police on your mom. Had that been my mom you’d be calling me from the floor. I got to be back here again because you were ditching class, I’m gonna peel this belt off, and I’m gonna hit you myself. You got it?”

He is then told, “John, get inside”, and it ends with, the police officer saying, “Have a nice day”.

A Closer Look

Now, while this footage was probably taken from a film or a series, there were numerous comments that were in agreement with what took place. Some went into how the mother did the right thing and others went into how the world would be different if more children were disciplined.

One way of looking at the point that this video makes would be to say that it shows how important it is to discipline a child when they misbehave. And, how, unless this happens, they will continue to misbehave and will end up causing problems when they are an adult.

Another Angle

However, is it really a good idea to hit a child if they ‘misbehave’? When a parent responds in this way, their child might no longer ‘misbehave’ but what message are they sending their child?

Are they sending the message that ‘might is right’ and that physical force can be used when another person doesn’t behave in a certain way? Moreover, what impact will this have on their relationship with their child?

Going Deeper

To focus on the first point, would this parent also hit their partner or a friend if they ‘misbehaved’? Most likely, they would ask them about why they behaved in this way, to get to the bottom of what is going on.

As for the second point, hitting their child whenever they misbehave is likely to damage the relationship that they have with their child. Instead of feeling safe and being able to trust them, their child can have the need to keep their distance and have their guard up around them.

A Bizarre Situation

Furthermore, when a parent hits their child for ‘misbehaving’ and sees them as the problem, it is as though they are acting in this way for no reason. In reality, they are likely to be ‘misbehaving’ because a need or a number of needs are not being met.

But, perhaps through being unaware of a need or a number of needs and even having an unavailable parent or parents, they end up ‘acting out’. What is then a cry for help, causes them to be punished.

A Lack of Attunement

If, on the other hand, this parent were to take the time to be there for their child and tune into what is going on for them, they might soon see that their child is not simply playing up; they are trying to meet a need or a number of needs. To do this, though, a parent needs to have a good connection with their own needs and feelings, not be weighed down by their own history, be present and see their child clearly, not project their own issues into them.

Naturally, this takes self-awareness and more effort and intelligence than simply treating their child like a wild animal that needs to be domesticated. Yet, this will allow their child to bond with them and help them to bond with other adults as the years go by and play a part in their child having good mental and emotional health.

A Dark Side

What this will also do is help to prevent their child from carrying a lot of repressed anger, rage and hate. As, when a child is continually hit after they ‘misbehave’, they are likely to carry a lot of repressed anger, rage and hate.

Therefore, regardless of if they don’t become overly aggressive and a threat to others and become well-behaved and even easy-going and submissive, they are still going to have another, hidden side to them that is very different. Taking this into account, given the right circumstances, they could lose it and do something extremely destructive.

Blocked out

Lastly, even though being hit throughout this stage of their life will have a destructive effect on them, they can grow into an adult who believes that their parent or parents did the right thing and even encourage another parent or parents to do the same thing. It might seem strange that something like this could take place.

Nonetheless, during their formative years, they would have been egocentric, which would have caused them to believe that the reason they were being hit was because they were bad. Seeing themselves as bad and their parent or parents as good would have also been a defence against reality and a way for them to try to earn the love that might not have been available.

Part Child, Part Adult

As an adult, they won’t be powerless or dependent or need to fear their parent or parents, but, a big part of them won’t realise this. This part of them will stop them from being able to see their parent or parents clearly.

In a way, by having an idealised view of their parent or parents and believing that they hit them ‘for their own’ good, for instance, they will unknowingly be betraying the child that they once were. This is not to say that they need to hate their parent or parents; it’s about them seeing through the eyes of an adult.

Final Thoughts

For me, the view that hitting a child is acceptable and the right thing is a sign of how, as human beings, we can not only justify anything but how behaviours are mindlessly passed down from one generation to another. It is well-known that hitting a dog after they have ‘misbehaved’ leads to problems, so how could it be a good idea to hit a child?

---

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk