If someone is an adult, it could be said that what took place when they were a child will be over. As a result of this, the pain that they experienced during this stage of their life will be firmly in the past.
What could add weight to this view is that if they were to think about this stage of their life, they might not come into contact with any emotional pain. This alone could be seen as proof that what has been said above is correct.
And, if any more evidence was needed, they could say that their childhood wasn’t that bad or that they had a very good childhood. There is then going to be no reason for them to carry any pain from that stage of their life.
But, if they were to say that this stage of their life was far from perfect, they could say that it’s over now anyway. Regardless of how one sees their past, then, it will be well and truly in the past.
When it comes to the challenges that they have in their adult life, there are not going to be seen as having anything to do with what they experienced as a child. Some of these challenges could just be put down to bad luck, while others could just be seen as being part of life.
For example, they could live in a society that generally believes that luck is what defines whether or not someone will end up in a fulfilling relationship. So, if they have troubled relationships, it could just be put down to bad luck.
All in the Same Boat
What could strengthen this belief is that one could be surrounded by people who are also in the same position. Therefore, what is taking place in this area of their life will have very little to do with them and a lot to do with how life is.
Through seeing life in this way, it is not going to be a surprise if one often sees themselves as a victim. It could go even further, though, as one could have what is often described as a ‘victim mentality’.
A natural outcome
However, if certain areas of their life are seen as largely being out of their control and in the control of someone or something ‘out there’, how else would they be? It is to be expected that they would come to this conclusion.
The only way that certain area of their life will change is if something ‘out there’ changes. Until that time, they will just have to put up with what is going on, meaning that they are unlikely to live a life that is worth living.
Repeating The Past
Now, although it can seem as though one is just a victim and has no control over their life, what is this is not the truth? What if their experiences are largely an effect of how they feel at a deeper level?
This would mean that one is not being victimised by what is going on ‘out there’, they are being victimised by what is going on within them. The cause is how they feel and the effect is what happens, as opposed to the situations and circumstances ‘out there’ defining how they feel.
Without this understanding in place, they will end up being caught up in how they feel when something happens. Through being consumed by these feelings, they will unknowingly create more of the same.
Unless they are able to step back and to no longer do the same thing, their life is unlikely to change. In fact, it is likely to get even worse as time passes, causing them to suffer even more.
Getting To the Root
For their life to change, they will need to detach from what is going on and to get in touch with their deeper feelings. Ultimately, these deeper feelings, feelings that will go back to their early years, will need to be faced, acknowledged and processed.
This is not something that will take place overnight as there are likely to be many, many layers of pain inside them. Through not having certain needs met during this time, they would have experienced pain, and this pain will be frozen in their body.
The reason why they won’t have been able to see the connection between how they felt as a child and how they feel as an adult will be due to the defences that their mind had put in place. These defences, defences that would have been put in place to protect them, would have also caused them to forget about what happened.
But, while their conscious mind had no recollection of these feelings, these feelings would have continued to define their life. In other words, this inner material would have stayed in their unconscious mind and co-created their reality.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
With the presence of someone like this, one will be able to grieve their unmet childhood needs. These unmet childhood needs would have created a number of false adult needs, needs that will start to fall away as the original pain is worked through.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.