It could be said that it is not possible for someone to always agree with another person or to go along with the ideas that they put forward, for instance. With this in mind, it is going to be essential for them to be able to speak up when they disagree with something and to stand their ground when they don’t want to do something.
Through being this way, they won’t have the tendency to please others and to overlook their own needs. Naturally, this is going to have a positive effect on just about every part of their life.
When they are at work, there are bound to be moments when another person says something that they don’t agree with, and by making this clear, they will be able to offer their own input. If they are working on a project, for example, sharing their views could help to make it into a reality faster or it could make it even better.
Along with this, there will probably be times when they will need to speak to their boss about a pay rise. Or, if they don’t do this, they still need to speak up during a job interview.
It is going to be no different when it comes to their relationships, with this being another area of their life that requires them to be true to themselves. So when a friend says something that they don’t agree with, they will be able to share their views.
This could be a time when it gets tense, but even if it does, it won’t cause them to back down and to acquiesce. One may find that they are generally able to stay calm and to express themselves, without losing it and getting aggressive.
Maintaining a Connection
What this is also going to do is to help them to stay connected to the people in their life, as they won’t have trouble being honest with them. Ultimately, talking to them directly will stop one from having to keep their distance.
One may believe that keeping something to themselves, and just going along to get along, doesn’t solve anything. Most of the people in their life might also have the same outlook as they do.
Although some people will be able to relate to this experience, there are going to be others that won’t. When someone can’t relate to how the person above experiences life, it can mean that they will typically keep their views to themselves to make sure that they don’t rock to boat, so to speak.
This is likely to mean that their true-self will end up being covered up a lot and they will act as though they are an extension of others. Behaving in this way is likely to be frustrating, but it can be something that just happens.
Therefore, regardless of whether they are at work or with a friend, they are generally not going to disagree with what is said. Shortly after this, they could end up wondering why they didn’t speak up.
There could also be times when they will justify what has taken place, believing that speaking up would have only caused them problems. One is then going to be used to swallowing their words and not speaking their truth.
If they don’t just go along with something, what they could do is go silent on another person and is not speak to them for a little while. Going silent won’t solve anything, yet what it will do is stop them from having to talk about something that would cause them to feel uncomfortable.
Once things have settled down, they could end up reaching out to the other person again. One is then going to need to overlook their own truth to keep another person in their life or they will need to disconnect from them to stay connected to their own truth.
A Deeper Look
If one was to take a step back and to reflect on why they have so much trouble when it comes to dealing with conflict, they may find that the thought of doing so fills them with fear. Disagreeing with someone or not going along with something that they suggest is going to be seen as a threat to their very survival.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this is completely irrational and that they need to change what they believe. By doing this, their thoughts will change as will their emotions.
Nonetheless, just because what they believe may sound irrational now, there may have been a time when it was totally rational. Maybe, their early years were a time when they were physically abused.
If so, this would have been a time when it wasn’t safe for them to assert themselves. Keeping their views to themselves and pleasing their caregivers might not have stopped them from being hit, but it might have stopped them from being hit as much as they would have been otherwise.
A Terrible Experience
The years will have passed but the trauma that they experienced as a child will have stayed within them. Thus, until this is dealt with, it is going to be to be challenge for them to change their behaviour.
This trauma could cause their body to tighten up or to freeze whenever they get into a situation where they need to assert themselves. Their mind will be offline and they will be in survival mode.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.