Even if someone is not aware of the fact that they experienced trauma during their early years, what they may be aware of is the fact that they find it hard to make decisions. It might not matter if it is a big or a small decision as it could still be a challenge.
As a result of this, they could have a tendency to not make decisions. This is going to mean that they will be used to sitting on the fence, so to speak, and not taking the next step.
Nowhere to Run
However, even though they may typically have the inclination to not make a decision, this will still be a decision. Ultimately, not making a decision won’t allow them to put their life on hold; it will still carry on.
So, like fish in a river, they will often go with the flow. Consequently, a lot of what takes place in their life might not be to their liking; in fact, it could generally have a negative effect on them.
In The Hands of others
Thanks to what they are like, they may be surrounded by people who are only too happy to make decisions for them. In a lot of cases, these people might not even ask them if they want to do something; they could just assume that they do.
On one side, one might be happy that this takes place as it stops them from having to make decisions when they are with them. Yet, on the other side, they could also feel that these people don’t fully acknowledge their existence or respect their boundaries and resent them for it.
When it comes to making a decision and, thus, to decide whether they will go down one path or another, they could generally find it hard to experience inner clarity. Instead of having a strong sense about what is right for them, they could be unsure as to what to do.
They may even try to weigh up all the options in their mind and to see if they can come to the right conclusion. At times, this may work, but at other times, they may see that there is no clear answer.
Out of Balance
What this can illustrate, then, is that they will rely on their mind when it comes to making a decision. Thinking about what option to take, and perhaps, getting as much information as they can, will be seen as the way for them to do the right thing.
The trouble with doing this is that something can be thought about forever and there will always be more information out there, which is why it is to be expected that this approach will lead to procrastination and put a decision to one side. The missing ingredient here is their feelings; this is the part of them that can allow them to know what do as opposed to needing to rely on the part of them that can needlessly complicate something – their intellect.
A Helping Hand
If they were in touch with their emotional self, they would be able to feel into something and to see if it is the right thing for them to do. This doesn’t mean that they would overlook what is taking place in their mind, though.
What it means is that the emotional part of their being would provide them with valuable insight. This part of them has an intelligence of its own and it is there to work with their mind, not against it.
If one isn’t completely out of touch with how they feel this part of them might not be much help. Instead of being assisted by their emotional self, they could be undermined by it.
The reason for this is that due to what they went through as a child, they will be carrying a lot of emotional pain. This emotional pain will make it hard for them to truly connect to how they really feel; their pain will both distract and deceive them.
What is making their life harder than it needs to be - not having a good connection to their emotional self - is something that would have allowed them to handle what took place when they were younger. Through being abused and/or neglected, their whole system would have been overwhelmed on a weekly, if not daily, basis, and losing touch with their body would have been the only option that was available.
This wouldn’t have stopped the pain, but it would have stopped them from having to be aware of the pain that they were in and being wiped out by it in the process. The downside to this is that by losing touch with their body, they also lost touch with their true essence and all the guidance that is provided by it.
These experiences would have set then up to be mind-centric as an adult, and to rely on this part of their being to guide them. What would have also played a part is that they will most likely live in a society that is mind-centric and overlooks the body’s wisdom.
In other words, growing up in a society that is by and large a consequence of trauma wouldn’t have helped them to realise what was going on. They may have indirectly been taught that their body is simply there to support their head and not that it is actually their seat of wisdom.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
By working through their inner wounds and gradually reconnecting to their body, it will become easier for them to make decisions. This is something that will require patience and persistence.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.