Depression: Why Would Someone Be Depressed After They Have Become Successful?

For many, many years, someone might have worked hard to achieve something or a number of things. During this time, they might have often imagined what their life would be like once they achieved their goal and how they would feel.

In general, they might have believed that their life would be just how they want it to be and that they would feel deeply satisfied. So, even if this wasn’t what primarily motivated them, it would have certainly played a part.

An Unexpected outcome

However, now that they have reached this point, they might feel radically different to how they expected to feel. If they did feel good, this might not have been an inner experience that lasted for very long.

They can find that they feel very low, and the thought of ending their life might even enter their mind from time to time. Now, they might do what they can to hide how they feel and to make out that they are happy with what they have achieved.

Another Scenario

Then again, they could talk about how they feel to a trusted friend or family member. If so, the person they talk to can be understanding and supportive.

This person might say that they feel this way because of their ‘negative’ thoughts, and that for them to be able to rise up again and enjoy what they have achieved, they need to change their thinking. If they were to heed this advice, they could focus on changing their ‘negative’ thoughts into ‘positive’ thoughts.

Another part

Along with this, they could believe that they need to achieve something else and that, when they do, it will be different. If this is the case, they can soon start working toward another goal.

Thanks to this, they can find that they start to feel better; it can be as if they have been reset and are now full of energy again. However, once they have achieved this goal, they can go back to how they felt before.

Stepping back

At this point, what can stand out is that when they are working toward something, they are full of life and are able to function. But when they have achieved something, they are lifeless, and it is hard for them to do so.

They can then wonder why not having what they want and struggling to attain it is something that they can handle, but the opposite is something that they can't. What might enter their mind is that there must be something inherently wrong with them.

A Closer Look

As strange as this will be, there is a chance that they are unconsciously trying to receive the love that they missed out on as a child. They will then have their conscious reasons for wanting to achieve something, but deep down, they will have other reasons.

At this deeper, emotional level, what they want to achieve will take on a symbolic meaning. It is then not that they just want to achieve something because it is important to them, for instance, no, it is because it is seen as something that will allow them to be seen and heard by their parents and feel whole and complete.

It’s Too Late

What will play a part in the drive that they have is the pain that they experienced as a child, as a result of being greatly deprived and deeply wounded. This pain will create a lot of inner tension, and by doing things, they will be able to release it, which will help them to function.

So, once they have achieved something and it becomes clear, deep down, that they won’t receive what they missed out on as a child, they will experience the same sense of despair that they experienced as a child. Like then, to handle this pain they are in and to keep it together and function, they will go into a collapsed physiological state.

Back In Time

During their early years, their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Due to this, they would have missed out on the attunement, mirroring, care, affection and support that they needed.

Being ignored, rejected, and abandoned would then have been normal. To handle this, their brain would have repressed how they felt, along with a number of their needs.

Another Element

This would have involved them losing touch with their embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected and not fully feeling false self.

And, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, and that they were worthless and unlovable. Lastly, they would have also lived in the hope that, if they became who they wanted and did what they wanted, they would be loved.

Its over

But as futile as this was, as their mother and perhaps father probably couldn’t provide them with what they needed, this false hope would have served as a secondary defence. The reason for this is that it would have aided in repression and allowed them to release tension.

Many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but the struggle for their parents' love will continue. For them to no longer look for this love, there will be a number of steps for them to take.

Moving Forward

They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk