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What a man can find is that it is difficult for him not only to feel settled, but to also feel good about himself. If this is the case, what will be normal is for him to feel anxious and fearful, and worthless and ashamed.
Now, if he were to think about why this is, what might enter his mind is that this is due to the life that he leads. So, he can have a job that is soul-destroying, he could have friends who treat him badly, and he could be in a relationship with a woman who mistreats him. A Natural Outcome Thus, based on the life that he leads, it could be said that it is to be expected that his inner world would seldom be very harmonious and supportive. For this to change, what is going on externally will need to change. However, due to how beaten down he is, he may find that he doesn’t have the strength to make the necessary changes. Consequently, his life will continue to go in the same direction and, over time, it is likely to get even worse. External Support If he were to speak to someone about what is going on for him, they could say that he needs to find a job that is right for him, to find new friends, and to leave his girlfriend. Along with this, they could say that he has what it takes to change his life. They could also say that he needs to take one step at a time and not think too far ahead, or he will end up feeling overwhelmed and find it hard to take action. He could appreciate their support and say that he will do this. The next Step Assuming that he does do this, it might not be long until he loses motivation and goes back to how he was. If this takes place, he can feel helpless and hopeless and question if his life will ever change. He can believe that he is not strong enough and simply doesn’t have what it takes to change his life. What can then enter his mind is that he needs someone to come and change his life. Stepping Back After this, he can wonder why he feels so weak and incapable and can’t do what he needs to do to create a fulfilling life. He could, for example, believe that he lacks something that other men have and that he was born this way. Nonetheless, even if he does come to this conclusion, it doesn’t mean that it is the truth. Instead, how he typically feels and how he sees himself can largely be a consequence of what it was like for him as a child and the impact it had on them. Back In Time This may have been a stage of his life when his mother was emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Furthermore, she might have often put him down, humiliated him, and even physically harmed him. As for his father, if he were around, he might have been beaten down and not only enabled his mother’s behaviour but also been critical and even physically harmed him. If this were so, this would have been a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. A brutal Time The two people, who were supposed to build him up and prepare him for the world, would have been the ones who undermined him. What he needed was a mother who was generally attuned and caring, but he had a mother who acted like his enemy. He also needed a father who generally protected, supported and guided him, but he had a father who acted like his mother's enforcer and left him isolated. Thanks to this, his only option was to adapt to what was going on. One option This would have involved him losing touch with his embodied and connected true self and developing a disembodied, disconnected and deflated false self. He would then have had to live on the surface of himself, to keep it together and function. But, underneath this false self would have been, and will still be, the needs that were not met and the pain that this caused him to experience. Furthermore, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place, which would have caused him to develop an inaccurate view of himself and his needs and feelings. A Closer Look It was then not that his mother and father were deeply wounded human beings who couldn’t provide him with what he needed to grow and develop in the right way; no, it was that he was worthless and unlovable, and his needs and feelings were bad. The meaning that his underdeveloped brain made would have been seen as the truth. Yet, the truth is that he has inherent worth and is lovable, and his needs and feelings are not bad. For him to see himself accurately, get back into his body, and embrace his power, there will be a number of steps for him to take. Moving Forward He will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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