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If a man were to start dating a woman, he might gradually come to see that he doesn’t have a very good connection with his feelings. So, as time passes, he might find that he is unable to develop a strong emotional connection with her.
He can then see that, over time, he has become more attached to her but that he doesn’t feel closer to her. The outcome of this is that he can wonder if he is with the right woman. The Other Side Along with this, the woman he is with can notice that he is emotionally distant, and she might not feel overly close to him as a result. What can enter her mind is that he is not really into her. However, if she were to speak to him about how she feels, she might not be very satisfied with the answer that he gives her. For example, he might say that he does have feelings for her but that he finds it hard to connect with how he feels. The Next Stage After this, she might hope that he becomes more emotionally connected as time passes. Furthermore, she might hope that he becomes more emotionally expressive as time passes, too. If she were to talk to a trusted friend about this, this friend could say that he is just emotionally unavailable. Her friend could then say that she is wasting her time with him and that he will never change. The outcome Assuming that her friend was to say this and she decided to end the relationship, the man could be relieved and/or he could be greatly affected. If he feels relieved, it can be because he believes that he wasn’t able to develop a strong emotional connection with her because he wasn’t really attracted to her. But, if he is greatly affected, it doesn’t mean that part of him won’t believe she wasn’t right for him. No, what it will show is that, as distant as he appeared to be, he will have bonded with her. One Direction After a while, he can wonder why he wasn’t able to develop a deeper connection with her. What can also enter his mind is that he generally doesn’t have a good connection with how he feels. He can then see that it doesn’t matter what woman he is with, as he is not going to be able to develop a deeper connection with her. What can soon enter his mind is that he must have been born this way, or there must be something inherently wrong with him. Another Angle Nonetheless, he probably wasn’t born this way, and it is unlikely that there is anything inherently wrong with him. There is a strong chance that what took place during his early years and the impact that it had on him is the reason why he is experiencing life in this way. This may have been a stage of his life when his mother was anything but loving and severely undermined him. Not only might she have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach, but she might have been verbally and physically abusive. A Brutal Time Therefore, he would have missed out on the attunement, care and support that he needed to grow and develop in the right way, and he would have been treated like he was nothing. To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This would have also involved him losing touch with his connected and feeling true self and developing a disconnected and unfeeling false self. In other words, as he wasn’t able to leave an environment that was a threat to his survival and was harming him, he had to disconnect from his body and lose his ability to feel. Self-Protection If he hadn’t adapted in this way, he probably wouldn’t have survived this stage of his life. Instead, he would have continually been overwhelmed and unable to keep it together and function. This stage of his life will now be over, of course, but he will still be carrying most, if not all, of the pain that had to be repressed and the needs that were not met. Also, he is likely to associate human contact and women as a threat to his survival. Moving Forward This is because his brain will generalise the experiences that he had with his mother. It then won’t be able to accept that how his mother treated him is not how everyone else or all women will treat him. For him to gradually move on from what happened, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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