Early Deprivation: Can A Man Feel Comfortable Sacrificing Himself If He Had A Masochistic Father?17/5/2026
What a man may see, if he were to step back and reflect on his life, is that he has the tendency to ignore his own needs when he is around others. This can be what takes place when he is around friends, family and is in a relationship.
He is then going to know what it is like to ignore himself and to feel drained as a result. It might go even further than this, though, as he may see that he puts up with being treated badly by others. Two Ways Now, if he ignores himself and another person doesn’t act interested in his needs, this is going to cause him to suffer. However, what will have an even greater impact on him is if he spends time around people who are abusive. If he does spend time around people who are like this, they can often put him down and humiliate him. He may have even had relationships where he was physically harmed. Greatly Undermined Assuming that this is the case, he won’t just be used to overlooking his needs around others, he will also be used to overlooking his own mental, emotional and physical health. After thinking about how drained and worn down he typically feels, due to how he lives his life, he can wonder why he is this way. What is likely to be clear is that he needs to stop ignoring his needs and to start standing up for himself. After this, he might see that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. An Activity If he were to imagine that he lives a life where he no longer hides his needs and does what he can to please others, and doesn’t put up with abusive behaviour, he can find that he feels powerful and alive. After this, he can experience a deep sense of relief and feel grateful. Nevertheless, after a while, he can find that he starts to feel very uncomfortable. If he were to sit with this discomfort and go deeper, he may feel guilty. A Strange Scenario He may find that he has the sense that his needs and feelings are bad, he doesn’t deserve to experience life differently and that he has to behave in this way to be accepted, connected to others and to survive. If so, he can wonder why he has this outlook. But, as confusing as this is, if he were able to go back in time and observe his early years, it might gradually make sense. This stage of his life might have been anything but nurturing. Back In Time His mother and father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Furthermore, his mother might have often been down and depressed and unable to cope with life, or she might have often been cruel and punished him. As for his father, he might have typically been down and depressed and overlooked his own needs. If his mother was more likely to punish others and his father was more likely to punish himself, this would have sent him a clear message. An Adaption He would have ended up feeling responsible for his father, as he was egocentric at this stage of his life. Instead of seeing himself as his son, he would have come to see himself as his father’s parent. He would then have done what he could to make him and perhaps his mother feel better and to be able to handle life. This would have, of course, involved him sacrificing himself and suffering like his father. No use Deep down, he would have lived in the hope that, if he was there for his father, and perhaps his mother, he would be there for him and love him. But, as his father was not in a good way and had probably also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded as a boy, he wasn’t able to provide him with what he needed. Yet, although sacrificing himself and struggling for his father’s love was futile, it would have made it easier for him to handle this stage of his life. This is because it would have aided in repression and allowed him to release tension. It’s over Many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but he will associate being accepted, connected and surviving with sacrificing himself and suffering. Additionally, part of him will still be living in the hope that, if he behaves in this way, he will finally receive what he missed out on. This part will cause him to unconsciously re-create what it was like. The reason for this is that this part has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it won’t see that it is too late for this to take place. Lastly, to ensure that he behaved in a certain way as a child, his outer parents would have been internalised. They would then have become part of his superego. Moving Forward Taking all this into account, for his life to change, he will have a number of steps to take. He will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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