Early Deprivation: Can A Man Have A Disembodied Sense Of Self If He Was Abused As A Child?

What can be normal is for a man to generally live in his head and thus, be out of touch with his feelings and instincts. He is then going to look like a whole human being but he typically won’t operate as one.

But, if this is just what is normal, he might not be aware of how alienated he is from himself. However, some of the people in his life might have the sense that he doesn’t have a very good connection with his body.

For Example

So, they could see him as someone who is not very emotional and is very heady. It could go further than this, though, as they could say that it’s often as if he has his head in the clouds.

Then again, as he is this way, most, if not all of the people in his life could be very similar. As a result, there might not be anyone in his life who is aware of how disconnected he is.

Waking up

Now, if he were to become aware of how disconnected he is, it could be because he ends up getting into a relationship. This can be a time when he will find it hard to develop a deeper connection.  

He can then wonder why he is unable to develop a deeper bond and if there is something inherently wrong with him. What could also enter his mind is if he is with the wrong person.

Another Experience

Alternatively, he could be in a position where he is continually walked over and gets to the stage where he has had enough. He could see that tolerating this kind of behaviour is having a negative effect on him.

In this case, he could wonder why he doesn’t stand his ground and do something about what is going on. After thinking about what is going on and how long it has gone on, he could come to the conclusion that there is something inherently wrong with him.

A Closer Look

Assuming that he can relate to both of these examples, the first will relate to his inability to connect to how he feels and the second his inability to connect to his instincts. If this wasn’t the case, he would be able to develop a deeper connection with another and stand his ground.

This illustrates how important each of these elements is when it comes to his ability to live a fulfilling life. At this point, he could struggle to understand why he is this way.

A Deeper Look

If he has been this way for as long as he can remember, it is likely to show that his early years were not very nurturing. This might then have been a stage of his life when he was deeply traumatised.

For example, his mother and perhaps his father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Along with this, he might have also often been put down and physically harmed.

A Brutal Time

Therefore, the attunement and care that he needed to grow and develop in the right way would have rarely if ever been provided. Assuming then, that his time in his mother’s womb wasn’t traumatising and neither was his birth, he would have gradually left his body.

Ultimately, it would have been too painful for him to be connected to his body and aware of his needs and feelings. For him to keep it together and function, then, he would have lost touch with this part of himself and gone into his head.

One Option

The trouble was that while this would have allowed him to function in a very depriving and painful environment, it wouldn’t have set him up to thrive as an adult. For him to be able to thrive, he will need to be in touch with his feelings, as they will allow him to bond with others and provide him with guidance, and, his instincts, as they will protect him and provide him with guidance.  

With this connection, his sense of self won’t just relate to his mind, it will also include his heart and body. To be an embodied human being, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk