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Over the years, a man may have spent a fair amount of time learning about how to please a woman sexually. So, he might have watched videos, read articles and books, and had numerous conversations with other men in order to improve this area of his life.
Along with this, he might have had sex with a number of women over the years. This could mean that he typically only has casual encounters and seldom dates, let alone has relationships with women. A Common Occurrence Assuming that this is so, if he were to think about some of the women that he has had sex with, what might enter his mind is how satisfied they were during and after. Most, if not all, of the women he has been with might have soon wanted to meet after the first time they had sex. In fact, some of the women he has had sex with might have wanted to have sex with him for months and even years after. Furthermore, a number of these women might have constantly told him how good he was. An Important part Thanks to the experiences that he has had over the years in this area of his life and the feedback he has received, then, he can see himself as someone who knows how to please a woman. As a result of this, he can be proud of his ability to please a woman and feel highly desirable. The confidence that he has in his abilities and how this causes him to feel is likely to be something that some women will pick up on, making it relatively easy for him to attract more women to please. Now, this could be an area of his life that he only shares with his close friends, or he could share it online but keep his identity hidden. External Feedback At one point or another, he could talk about this area of his life to a trusted male friend, and he could be asked something that has a big impact on him. This male friend could be in a relationship or primarily have relationships. He could ask him if he ever has the desire to have more than just sex with a woman, and if he thinks about sharing more than just his body. After this, he could say, in one way or another, that this is not something that interests him and he doesn’t. A Shift Still, even if he does respond in this way, he might soon arrive at a point where he starts to reflect on his life. If so, during this time, he can wonder why he is so focused on pleasing a woman sexually. He can wonder why this is something that is so important and why he doesn’t have a strong need to share his life with a woman. As confusing as this is, there is a chance that he is unknowingly trying to receive what he missed out on during his formative years. Back in Time If this is the case, it will seem as though he just wants to please a woman sexually, and this is all he wants, but there will be far more to it. A woman will, then, to his unconscious mind, represent the mother that he had, and he will try to receive her love. The reason for this is that during his formative years, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Furthermore, the care that he did receive might have often been misattuned care, which would have caused him to often feel smothered and trapped. A Rough Time Consequently, this would have been a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle not having a number of his developmental needs met and the pain that this caused him, he would have lost touch with his connected and feeling true self and developed a disconnected and unfeeling false self. Yet, although his mother wasn’t able to meet his needs, most likely because she had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years, he would have personalised what took place. He would then have seen himself as bad and his mother as good, and thus, lived in the hope that, if he became who and did what she wanted, she would love him. The Seed But, as she couldn’t give him what he needed, it wouldn’t have mattered who he became or how he behaved. Even so, this false hope would have served as a secondary defence that made it easier for him to keep it together and function. This stage of his life will now be over, of course, but as he is still carrying his unmet development need to be loved by his mother, he will unconsciously project the mother that he needed into a woman. To this conscious mind, a woman will just be a woman, but to his unconscious mind, she will represent another opportunity for him to finally receive what he missed out on as a boy. It’s too late But, as it is too late for him to receive this love and another woman is not his mother, the experience that he has won’t last. It will allow him to release tension, strengthen his defences and meet certain adult needs, but it won’t resolve what is going on for him at a deeper level. Also, by only having sex and not developing an emotional connection with a woman, it will stop him from having to feel smothered and trapped. He will then be able to maintain control and not lose himself. Moving Forward Taking all this into account, for him to no longer look for the love that he missed out on, reconnect to this body and feel comfortable with human closeness, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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