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Recently, a woman’s father may have passed, and this may have left her in a very bad way. However, thanks to what her relationship was like with her father, she might not just be grieving his loss.
No, in addition to this, she can also feel exposed and as though she is no longer as safe a she was. If this is the case, not only will she feel sad, but her whole personality could have changed. A Big Difference In fact, this change could be so dramatic that, to some of the people in her life, she could be like a different person. They can see that not only is she grieving the loss of her father, but that she seems a lot softer than she was. What this will show is that before he passed on, she had a very hard disposition. In other words, she might have been very masculine and, thus, very assertive, direct, and unaffected by things. A Different Scenario Then again, this might not be something that the people in her life are consciously aware of, but they could just sense that something about her, beyond her grieving, is different. In this case, they won’t think or talk about this difference, but it might affect how they behave around her. Now, she could be consciously aware of this shift, or it might take a while before she arrives at this point. For example, after a number of months or longer, and she is no longer experiencing as much pain, she could become aware of how unsafe she feels. The Next Stage When she is aware of this, irrespective of when this is, she can wonder why she no longer feels as strong and confident as she did. Part of her could just believe that this is the result of losing her father. Undoubtedly, as she will have lost her father, it is to be expected that she will have been heavily impacted by what has happened. Her life will never go back to how it was before, but, over time, providing that she continues to grieve, she is likely to be able to embrace life once again. Another Element Additionally, as she would have looked to her father to protect her early on and may have continued, unconsciously, if not consciously, to see him as her protector as an adult, not having him around is bound to have impacted how safe she feels. Nonetheless, what may have also played a part in how she feels is that she may have seen her father as a threat for most of her life. Consequently, to feel safe around him and not be harmed, she might have armoured herself very early on. And, as he is no longer around, this armour will have loosened, and thereby, caused her to gain access to parts of herself that she had been estranged from for many, many years. A Closer Look After hearing this, she could say that her father wasn’t that bad and did the best that he could, or words to that effect. Conversely, she might see that she didn’t feel close to her father and was scared of him. Furthermore, she could see that, throughout her adult life and during her formative years, he was often critical and humiliated her, and he might have even physically harmed her as a child. If this were so, he wouldn’t have typically been a caring and loving father. Back In Time When she was being mistreated by him during her formative years, she wouldn’t have been able to change his behaviour or to find another family, as she was powerless and dependent. The only option would have been for her to lose touch with her connected true self and develop a disconnected and armoured false self. This would have caused her to lose touch with how she felt and a number of her needs, but it would have allowed her to handle what happened. The softer and gentler side of her nature would then have been split off and repressed. A Brutal Time As for her mother, she might have been a beaten-down woman who didn’t have a strong backbone. The outcome of this is that she wouldn’t have been in a position to protect herself, let alone her daughter. Most likely, her father and mother were deeply wounded human beings who had also been mistreated and deprived during their formative years. It was then not that she was worthless or unlovable and didn’t deserve to have her needs met; it was that they couldn’t give her what she needed to grow and develop in the right way. Anchored to The Past The years would then have passed, but due to how she adapted to this stage of her life, a big part of her wouldn’t have realised it. The world that she grew up in would have been unconsciously projected onto the world, giving her the need to stay in this armoured state. Now that her father has passed, part of her will know that the person who was a threat has gone, which will have played a part in why her amour has started to loosen. This part is likely to feel as though she has been liberated. Moving Forward The loosening of her disconnected and armoured false self will have unlocked some of the pain and the unmet developmental needs that were removed from her conscious awareness and repressed during her formative years. For her to gradually put the past behind her, she will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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