Early Deprivation: Can A Woman Sexualise Herself If She Experienced Early Deprivation?

If a woman were to step back and reflect on her life, what she may find is that she has the tendency to present herself as an object that exists to be desired by men and perhaps women. As a result, when she is out in public, she can typically not wear much or wear clothes that are very revealing.

However, even if she is not out in public, she can still present herself in this way thanks to social media. So, she can have a number of social media profiles where she regularly shares pictures of herself wearing very little.

Another Element

And, there is also a chance that she has had a number of cosmetic procedures over the years. For example, she might have had her breasts enlarged, her lips enlarged, and she might have had her bum enlarged.

If this is the case, the changes that she has made to her appearance might have helped to make her more desirable. But, regardless of what she has had done, there could be other things that she wants to have done.

The Norm

What she can see is that, due to how she presents herself in the real world and online, she receives a lot of attention. She can find that receiving this attention has a positive effect on her wellbeing.

Along with this, she can be used to receiving compliments and being approached by men when she is out in public and receiving endless messages online. She is not going to struggle to find a man who wants to be with her.

The Downside

Nonetheless, while she can appreciate the attention that she receives, there can be moments when she gets fed up with being treated like a sex object. She might think about how most, if not all, of these men just see her as a sex object and not as a real person, or words to that effect.

What can often enter her mind is what it would be like for her to be with a man who sees her as a human being, who has needs, feelings, preferences, insecurities, hopes and fears. If this were to happen, she would be seen as not just having a sexual self, but as having many different selves.

The Next Step

If this were to run through her mind, she might soon see that how she generally presents herself is having a big impact on how she is treated. She can then see that in order for her to be treated differently, she needs to come across in a more balanced way.

Still, she can see that this doesn’t mean that she needs to cover up all the time and hide her body. What she might see is that she needs to connect to and express parts of herself that she has been hiding.

A Closer Look

For example, she might see that she has the ability to be very nurturing, understanding and compassionate. Also, she might see that she has the ability to be very assertive and to get things done, and is very driven.

Therefore, irrespective of the other inner traits that she has, she will see that she is so much more than just her appearance. At this point, she can wonder why she has largely overlooked these other parts of herself and has focused so much on her appearance.

Going Deeper

What can help her to understand why her life is this way is for her to imagine that she no longer presents herself as a sexual object and comes across as more balanced. At first, she can feel relieved and valued for who she is.

But, as time passes, she can feel ignored, invisible and as though she doesn’t exist. Consequently, she can wonder why she feels this way when she imagines changing her behaviour.

What’s going on?

As confusing as this is, if she were able to go back in time and observe her early years, it might soon make sense. The reason for this is that this may have been a time when she was greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

From a very young age, she might have missed out on the attunement and care that she needed. Her mother and perhaps her father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

The outcome

To handle the lack of love that was on offer, her brain would have repressed how she felt and a number of her needs. Furthermore, she would have lost touch with her connected true self and created a disconnected false self.

And, as she was egocentric, she would have believed that how she was treated was a reflection of her worth and lovability. She would then have believed that if she became who they wanted and did what they wanted, she would be loved by them.

A Futile Struggle

But, as they were not in a position to give her what she needed, it wouldn’t have mattered who she became or what she did. Nevertheless, as the years passed, she might have often received attention for how she looked, and this might have been the case when she started going to school.

Assuming that this was so, after being deprived at home, she would have naturally appreciated the attention that she received when she went out into the world. She would have been desperate to be acknowledged, and her looks allowed this to take place.

It Wasn’t the Same

The downside was that the attention that she received wasn’t the same as the attention that she needed from her parents. Yet, although it wasn’t the same, as she would have unconsciously projected her mother and father into others, it would have been as though she was receiving what she needed.

As the years passed and she became an adult, the same thing would have continued to take place. But, as she missed out on what she needed and other men and women are not her father or mother, it is too late for her to receive what she needed.

Moving Forward

This is why it won’t matter how much attention she receives or who desires her, it won’t fill the emotional hole inside her. For this hole to be filled, she will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk