Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause A Man To Have An Inflated False Self?

Based on how a man behaves, it can be as though he is more than human. He is then going to be a human being, but he will be more like a superhero.

The reason for this is that, no matter what he experiences, it might not have much of an effect on him. In general, he can come across as confident, bold and as though he has it all together.

A Strong Reaction

If he does react strongly, it can be because he believes that someone or a number of people have mistreated him in some way. This can be a time when he is full of anger and rage, and has the need to experience revenge.

Due to this, he won’t withdraw or just ignore what has happened; he will have the need to get his own back and make it clear that what they have done is not acceptable. This could mean that he will confront them, or it could go even further than this.

For Example

Alternatively, he could end up destroying things or attacking the person or people who have mistreated him. Once this has taken place, he can believe that justice has been served.

After this, the inner tension that he was experiencing may have been released, and he can go back to feeling settled. As a result of how he responds when he has been mistreated or believes that he has, a lot of the people in his life could be very subservient.

Walking On Eggshells

If so, they will know that if they say or do the wrong thing, it will cause them to be on the receiving end of his aggression. They can then do what they can to ensure that they don’t displease him.

Naturally, it is then going to be difficult for them to fully show up around him and to relax. They are going to be more like an extension of him than separate human beings who have their own needs and feelings.

Another Area

Anyway, thanks to how confident and bold he is and how under control his feelings typically are, it may mean that he has been able to achieve a lot over the years. So, he may have risen to the top of his profession and have accumulated a lot of money.

If this is the case, the positive feedback that he receives, along with what he is able to buy, is likely to validate his view of himself. Most likely, this will relate to him being better than others.

A Catalyst

However, as strong as he appears to be, a time may arise when how he views himself starts to crumble. This can be a consequence of him becoming older, becoming unwell, or losing a loved one.

What something like this can do is make it clear that he is not a superhero; he is a vulnerable human being. He can then wonder why he feels so vulnerable and can’t function as he did before.

What’s going on?

There is a strong chance that he became the way that he did, someone who was not in touch with all of his emotional self and was more than others, during his formative years. This may have been a stage of his life when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

The first few years of his life might have been fairly nurturing, allowing him to develop strong foundations. But after this, his mother and perhaps his father might have often rejected, abandoned, criticised, humiliated and physically harmed him.

The outcome

To handle what happened, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This would have involved him losing touch with his connected and fully feeling true self.

He would then have stayed connected to his body, but his connection to his emotional self would have more or less been severed. This would have allowed him to stay connected to his aggression, but undermined his ability to experience shame, among other feelings.

Self-protection

It then wasn’t that he chose to be this way; it was how he automatically adapted to handle what happened to keep it together and function. If he had stayed connected to how he felt, he would have experienced hurt, shame and despair, which would have overwhelmed him.

In other words, if he hadn’t risen up and formed an inflated view of himself, he would not only have hit rock bottom but felt as if his life was going to end. And as he was powerless and dependent, he had no other option.

Moving Forward

Taking all this into account, for him to gradually change his life, he will have a number of steps to take. He will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

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Oliver JR Cooper
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