Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone Be Attracted To People Who Will Cheat On Them?

Recently, someone may have found out that their partner has cheated on them. Then again, they might have found out that this has taken place more than once, and that this has been going on for a little while.

Either way, thanks to what has happened, they can be in a bad way, both mentally and emotionally. So, their mind can be all over the place, and they can be in a lot of pain.

A Big Impact

Due to what is going on for them, it can be difficult for them to function in other areas of their life. For example, when they are at work, they might find it hard to concentrate and be as effective as they usually are.

And, when they are with friends or family, they might not be very present and could typically think about what has happened. However, taking into account what has happened, this is to be expected.

A natural outcome

Irrespective of whether they are in love with or are just very fond of their partner, what has happened will have deeply hurt them. If, on the other hand, they didn’t have an attachment to them, it would be different.
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Along with feeling deeply hurt, they can feel angry, enraged, betrayed and helpless and hopeless. Additionally, they can feel rejected and question if they are enough.

Two Outcomes

As a result of what has happened, they might decide to cut their ties with them. Their whole view of the other person might have changed, and they might no longer be able to trust them.

Alternatively, they might not need to do this as their partner could end their relationship. Assuming that it was to end, it could take a while before they are able to get back on their feet, so to speak.

One Scenario

Once they do, they could end up taking a step back and reflecting on their life. If they do this, they could look back on their life and see that this is not the first time that they have had this experience.

After realising this, they could believe that this is just what men/women are like and that they can’t be trusted. If they do come to this conclusion, what they believe could be backed up by some, if not all, of the people in their life.

No Control

But, as they will have had this experience more than once and have been deeply hurt each time, this is not a surprise. There will be what they want to experience, and then, there will be what they keep experiencing.

If they don’t believe that all men/women are the same, they could believe that they are just unlucky. Yet, regardless of if they are on board with the former or the latter, what is going on ‘out there’ will be the problem.

Another Angle

Nonetheless, although it can seem as though what is going on externally is the issue, what if there is far more to it? What if they have played a part in why they have had these experiences?

After hearing this, they could say that this is not true as they don’t want to be cheated on, or words to that effect. Still, what they will need to keep in mind is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind, or conscious sense of themselves.

Going Deeper

In addition to this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind. And this other, hidden part of them can have a very different agenda, which is why they continually have these experiences.

At this level, they can be trying to receive what they missed out on during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.  

Back In Time

This may have been a stage of their life when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Consequently, they would have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

To handle the pain of being rejected and emotionally abandoned, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. Furthermore, as they were egocentric, their underdeveloped brain would have believed that they were worthless and unlovable.

Repeating The Past

Now, of course, this stage of their life will be over, but their unconscious mind has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it can’t see that this stage of their life is over and that it is too late for them to receive the love that they missed out on.

It is for this reason that this part of them will cause them to unconsciously create scenarios where they are hurt again, in the hope of experiencing a different outcome. Instead, they will just be deprived and wounded all over again.

Moving Forward

For them to no longer try to unconsciously resolve their childhood, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk