Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone Believe That There Is Only Enough For Them To Survive?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they may see is that they typically only have enough money to merely exist. So, they can have what they need to pay their rent, buy food and clothes, for instance, but that could be about it.

This could mean that they have a job that doesn’t pay very well. Perhaps they have had this job for quite some time or they might have only just started but were in the same position before.

Another Position

When it comes to their relationships, they might not have any close friends or be in an intimate relationship. Apart from the people who they speak to when they are at work and perhaps family, there won’t be any else in their life.

They might not have even been in an intimate relationship, either. Thanks to this, they can be used to feeling alone and lonely, with them seldom, if ever, receiving the human contact they need.

Inner State

As they typically only have enough money to exist and rarely connect with another or others, they can spend a lot of time feeling drained and low. They can often struggle to get out of bed each morning and even wonder why they are even alive, due to how bleak their life is.

They can be grateful that they have somewhere to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and a job, for example, but this won’t be enough. It can be as if their birth was a curse and their life is a prison.

A Natural Outcome

But, as there is not going to be much love, fulfilment or joy in their life, it is to be expected that they will be this way. They will be living a miserable existence and this will have taken its toll on them.

Over the years, they may have come into contact with people who were living a radically different life from them. These people might have lived lives that were deeply fulfilling, with their lives being filled with joy, pleasure, freedom, and love.

A Different Reality

Yet, as their life will be so different, it will be as if they live on a different planet. Not only this, but they can believe that these people have something that they themselves don’t have.

Or, if they don’t believe this, they can believe that these people are lucky, while they are unlucky. However, what if these people are not inherently different and they are not just unlucky?

Another Angle

What if, the reason that their life is this way is because of how they adapted during their formative years? If they were able to go back in time, to the moment they were born, and for a number of years after, they might soon realise why their life is this way.

Practically from the moment they were born, they might have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed. Being left and receiving misattuned care would then have been the norm.

A Continuation

As the years passed, they might have continued to miss out on what they needed. Nonetheless, they are likely to have had somewhere to live, food to eat and clothes to wear.

Their basic needs would then have generally been met, but their need to feel safe, supported, seen and heard, and loved would have largely not been met. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

One Option

To handle what took place, their brain would have repressed a number of their needs and feelings. As they were unable to change their environment, as they were powerless and dependent, they had to change themselves.

Losing touch with their connected and embodied, true self and creating a disconnected and disembodied, false self wouldn’t have changed what was going on or stopped them from suffering, but it would have stopped them from being consciously aware of what was going on and the pain they were in. Ultimately, their brain and body had to adapt to a lack of love.

The Meaning

The other part of this is that their underdeveloped brain would have formed a number of limiting associations. This would have related to them being worthless, unlovable, there not being enough for them, and their needs being bad.

In truth, there was nothing wrong with them or their needs; it was most likely that, one or both of their parents simply couldn’t love them. This may have been because they had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years.

Moving Forward

As a result of how they had to adapt at this stage of their life, a big part of them won’t realise that they no longer live in an environment where there is not enough for them. For them to be able to open up to life and know, at the core of their being, that their needs are not bad and they deserve to have their needs met, they are likely to have inner work to do.

There will be beliefs for them to question, paint to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs for them to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk