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What can be normal is for someone to play a role when they are around others. For example, they can typically come across as easy-going, selfless and do what they can to please others.
As a result, they are rarely if ever going to fully show up around others and freely express themselves. But, even though this is the case, most, if not all, of the people in their life might not be aware of this. One Scenario This could show that most of the people in their life are very caught up with their own needs. It is then not going to occur to them that they are playing a role and are not being themselves. At the same time, it might not be this black and white as they might be surrounded by people who are anything but self-absorbed. However, as they have the need to hide themselves, even if the people in their life do focus on them, it might not be long until this changes. What’s going on? If they were to step back and reflect on their life, they might end up wondering why they are this way. They might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. What might then enter their mind is that they were simply born this way. Nonetheless, if they were to use their imagination, they might start to work out why their life is this way. Going Deeper What they can do is imagine that they are with one or a number of people and pretend that they are freely expressing themselves. So, they could be talking about how they feel and expressing a need. After this, they could feel free, empowered and relieved. Yet, after a while, they could soon have the need to go back to playing a role and hiding what is taking place inside them. A Closer Look The reason for this is that they could end up being filled with fear and anxiety. It will then be as if their survival is under threat and, if they don’t behave in a certain way; they won’t be accepted and their life will come to an end. At this point, they could come to the conclusion there is no way for them to be this way. If they were able to go back in time, though, they might gradually see that what is going on for them as an adult is anything but irrational. Back In Time This may have been a stage of their life that was largely anything but nurturing. They might have had a mother and perhaps a father who were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Along with this, one or both of them might have often been verbally and physically abusive. The outcome of this is that they would have missed out on the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Taken To Heart This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded, with them losing touch with their connected, true self and developing a disconnected, false self. The false self that they developed would have been focused on pleasing one or both of their parents and being who they wanted them to be. Not only this but as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and they were unlovable. Another part of this is that by believing that they were the problem, it would have given them the hope – the false hope – that if they kept struggling, they would be loved. It Was Futile This hope would have played a part in allowing them to avoid how they felt and the reality of the situation. As infective as their struggle was, then, it was a key part of what allowed them to handle a stage of their life that was brutal. Most likely, one or both of their parents were unable to provide them with what they needed; it was then not that they were worthless or unlovable. Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but a big part of them won’t realise this. Frozen In Time To this part of them, not playing a role and freely expressing themselves will be seen as something that will stop them from being accepted and cause them to be harmed and/or left and for them to die. Throughout this stage of their life, they probably had the experience of dying without dying on a regular basis. For them to know, at the core of their being, that they can be connected to themselves and freely express themselves and can not only survive but thrive, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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