Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Be Continually Cheated On?

A few days, weeks or months ago, someone may have been in a relationship with someone who they loved. But, after finding out that this person cheated on them, they might have soon decided that it was best for them to cut their ties with them.

Then again, they might have found out that this didn’t happen once, it happened on a number of occasions. At the same time, there is also the chance that after this became clear, whether it was once or a number of times, their partner ended the relationship.

In A Bad Way

Now that they are no longer together, part of them could be relieved but another part of them could be in a bad way. So, there can be moments when they feel angry, betrayed and used, and moments when they feel deeply upset, hurt, helpless and hopeless.

If they appeared to have a very good relationship, they can wonder why this happened. Moreover, they may have believed that they would end up staying together forever.

A Big Impact

Thanks to what is going on for them at a mental and emotional level, they might find it hard to be present. As a result, when they are at work or with friends and family, for instance, they will be there physically, but that could typically be about it.

A number of their friends could be very understanding and supportive, with them also making it clear that they are there for them if they need them. This is likely to make it easier for them to handle what is going on.

One Conclusion

And, along with how they feel about what happened, there can be the meaning that they have made. For example, they can believe that this shows that they are worthless, are not enough and are unlovable.

As far as they are concerned, if they had value, were enough and were lovable, another person wouldn’t cheat on them. Additionally, they can find that they are unable to accept that another person can be faithful to them.

A Pattern

This could be the first time that they have been with someone who cheated on them. Then again, this might not be the first time that this has taken place, with them having been with at least one other person who cheated on them.

Assuming that this is not the first time, they could believe that this is just what men or women are like and that they can’t be trusted. They could also decide to stay single for the foreseeable future.

Another Angle

What is clear is that they didn’t want to be cheated on; they wanted to be in a relationship with someone who valued and loved them and was faithful. Based on this, this is something that will have just happened to them and they won’t have played a part.

However, what if there is far more to it than this? What if they played a part in why they have been with a number of men or women who have cheated on them? Upon hearing this, they could say that this is not possible and even believe that they are being blamed for what happened.

Two Levels

Yet, what they will need to keep in mind is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves. Along with this part of them, there is another part of them - their unconscious mind.

This other part of them is far bigger and more impactful than their conscious mind. When it comes to this part of them, it will contain their adult and unmet developmental needs, feelings, and parts of themselves, among other things.

One Angle

The experiences that they have, then, are not purely the consequence of what is taking place in their conscious mind; they are also a consequence of what is taking place in their unconscious mind. With this in mind, as they have experienced something that is not serving them on more than one occasion, they will need to explore what is taking place in this other, hidden part of them.

One way for them to find out what is taking place at this level will be for them to think about how they felt when they were cheated on. When it comes to these feelings, there is a strong chance that they felt this way during their formative years.

Replaying The past

If so, feeling rejected, worthless, helpless and hopeless, for instance, would have been a normal part of their early years. But, as their conscious mind will have forgotten about most of what took place at this stage of their life, they won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak.

This will have taken place to allow them to keep it together and function; not to harm them. At this point, they can wonder why this other part of them would cause them to co-create situations where they feel how they felt as a child.

An Old Struggle

As this is how they felt during their formative years, it is likely to show that a number of their developmental needs were rarely if ever met. But, even though these needs were not met, they wouldn’t have disappeared; no, they would have ended up being removed from their conscious awareness and repressed.

And, as they were egocentric, they would have believed that if they kept trying, their parent or parents would finally provide them with what they needed. At this stage of their life, it would have been too much for them to accept that their parent or parents were simply unable to provide them with what they needed.

An Endless Search

Another part of this is that they would have believed that they were not loved because there was something inherently wrong with them and they were unlovable. Of course, this stage of their life will be over but, a big part of them will still be trying to receive what they missed out on all those years ago.

By unconsciously recreating scenarios where they are deprived once again, they will be able to struggle for the love that they missed out on. This part of them has no sense of time and is blind, so it is unable to see that another person is not the parent who deprived them and that it is too late for them to meet these needs.

Drawing the Line

For them to no longer create their early depriving situations and experience the same painful feelings, it will be vital for them to face and resolve what they were not able to resolve very early on. To do this, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk