Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Develop A Needless False Self?

Even though someone is an interdependent human being, they could typically act as though they are independent. They are then going to have a number of needs, but, in general, they will create the impression that they don’t.

Apart from their basic needs then, such as their need to eat and sleep, a number of their needs will be overlooked. Still, this is not to say that they will be consciously choosing to be this way.

Totally Unaware

There is a chance that they are not aware of a number of their needs, due to these needs being outside of their conscious awareness. As a result of this, they could believe that they just don’t have many needs.

This could even be something that they are proud of, and they could often judge people as being needy. However, as they are ignoring a number of their needs, they will pay a price.

For Example

What can be normal is for them to feel low and even to be depressed. This could be something that they are aware of, or they could have one or a number of escapes that allow them to avoid how they feel.

So, to get away from how they feel, they could eat or drink something, watch TV, have sex, or exercise. They will then be pushing their feelings down and distracting themselves.

A Neglected Area

When it comes to their relationships, they might not have any close friends, and they might not have ever had an intimate relationship either. But as their need to connect to and bond with others will be outside of their conscious awareness, this is unlikely to bother them.

If they were connected to their needs and feelings, they are likely to often feel lonely and cut off. But, thanks to how disconnected they are from these needs, these feelings will largely be kept at bay.

A Different Experience

What might allow them to reconnect to the needs that they haven’t been in touch with is a relationship. By developing an attachment to another person, needs and feelings that have been outside of their conscious awareness can seep through.

This can be a time when they can go from being needless to very needy. If so, they can wonder why they are so different to how they were before and have the need to pull back.

Another Scenario

Due to how needy they are or because they pull away, it might not be long until the relationship comes to an end. If it does, this can be a time when they will feel even needier.

Along with this, they could feel helpless and hopeless. At one point, then, they would have been super independent and at another; they will be like a needy child.

Confusion

As they will have radically changed, they can end up wondering what is going on. Yet, as strange as this will be, what it is likely to show is that they have lived on the surface of themselves for however long, and now they have started to reconnect to themselves.

The sense of self that they had before won’t have been their connected true self; it will have been a disconnected false self. This will have been a self where they were not rooted in their body and connected to all of their needs and feelings.

Why Is This?

Most likely, they have been out of touch with their connected true self since their formative years. This is likely to have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

So, practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed. To handle this, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

One Option

This would have also involved them losing touch with their connected true self and creating a disconnected false self. They would then have been rooted in their body and connected to their need and feelings at one point, and lost this connection as time passed.

This was the only way for them to ensure their survival, as they couldn’t change what was going on or find another family. If they hadn’t adapted in this way, they probably would have died.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, for them to be rooted in their body and connected to all of their needs and feelings, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk