Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Experience Hope Instead Of Fulfilment?

Right now, at least one area of someone’s life might not be going as they want it to go. This area of their life might have also been this for as long as they can remember, which can add to the pain that they are experiencing.
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So, they might have wanted to be in an intimate relationship for many, many years but have not been able to achieve this goal. They might have continually ended up with people who are not emotionally available.

Another Area

When it comes to other areas of their life, though, it might be different, with them being able to meet their needs. Then again, a number of other areas of their life might not be much better.

Consequently, it might take a while for them to think of an area of their life that is going as they want it to. Due to this, they will know what it is like to feel frustrated and helpless and hopeless.

Worn Down

But, as the life that they lead will be very different to the life that they have and it’s been this way for however long, this is to be expected. At this point, they could question if their life will ever change.

Over the years, they might have done their best to block out what is going on. Yet, every now and then, it might have entered their mind, causing them to feel very low as a result.

Another Element

Nonetheless, there can be moments when they are filled with hope, with this making it easier for them to handle what is going on. This will be a time when they will have the sense that what is going on will change, sooner or later.

For example, when they were last someone someone who wasn’t available, they might have hoped that they would change. This might have gone on for months or even years.

Up And Down

They can then feel hopeless and very low, or they can be full of hope and feel good. If they were to step back and think about how they experience life, they might see that while experiencing hope allows them to cope, it doesn’t do much else.

Instead of living in the hope that their life will change and their needs will be met, they will want their needs to be met. Now, as unfulfilling as their life will be, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them during their formative years, they might gradually understand why it is this way.

Back In Time

This may have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. The reason for this is that their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

One or both of them might have also abused them in one or a variety of ways. Either way, as they missed out on the nutrients that they needed, they wouldn’t have been able to grow and develop in the right way.

One option

To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have caused them to lose touch with their connected and embodied, true self, and create a disconnected and disembodied, false self.

In addition to this, they would have also lived in the hope - the false hope - that if they did what they wanted, they would be loved. This would have served as a secondary defence against feeling helpless and hopeless, making it easier to keep their feelings and needs at bay.

A Replacement

But, as their mother and perhaps their father were unable to provide them with what they needed, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did. Still, developing this false hope played a part in what allowed them to handle a stage of their life that was deeply traumatic.

This stage of their life will be over, of course, but a big part of them will still be living in the hope that, if they continue to struggle, they will be loved. This part of them has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it can’t accept that this stage of their life is over and another person can’t provide them with the love that they missed out on.

A Replay

Consequently, like when they were a child, they will continue to be deprived, while living in the hope that their needs will be met. For them to replace hope with fulfilment, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk