Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Outsource Their Assertiveness?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, they may find that it is hard for them to stand up for themselves and take action. Consequently, it can be normal for them to keep their views to themselves, do things that they don’t want to do and be walked over, among other things.
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They are then going to be a separate human being who has their own needs, feelings and life to lead, but they will typically act as though they are an extension of others. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a fair amount of anger and frustration.

A Miserable Existence

They might also spend a lot of time feeling down and depressed, and they might fear the future. But, based on what their life is like, it would be a surprise if they typically felt good or had a positive view of the future.

For their life to change, they will need to be able to stand up for themselves and take action. This is what will allow them to act like an individual, which will enable them to meet their needs and protect themselves.

Dependent on others

What they can see is that they are reliant on other people to stand up for them and to do things for them. They are then going to be an adult, but it will be as if they are a child who needs other people to take care of them.

After thinking about his, they might conclude that they are missing something that other people have. But, as they are behaving in a way that is not serving them and don’t feel as though they can do anything about it, this wouldn’t be a surprise.

External Support

If they were to talk to a trusted friend about what is going on for them, they could suggest that they look into what they believe will happen if they were to change their behaviour. If this is the case, after looking into this, they could find that they believe that they will be left, criticised and/or harmed.

After sharing this with their friend, they could be told that this is unlikely to take place and is irrational. This can then be seen as something that is just in their head and has no basis in reality.

Going Deeper

Yet, while they might be able to accept this, they might not be able to change their behaviour. They can find that they still have a need to behave in the same way, even though it is not serving their highest good.

What this can illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Throughout this stage of their life, they may have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed.

The outcome

To handle what took place, they would have lost touch with their connected true self and developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self. Adapting in this way would have allowed them to keep it together and function, and been a way for them to try to be loved.

They would have lived in the hope that, if they didn’t express themselves and became who and did what their parent or parents wanted, they would be loved. But, as they were probably unable to love them, it wouldn’t have mattered who they became or what they did.

Another Element

Additionally, by losing touch with their connected true self, they would have lost touch with their feelings and instincts, and may have even gone into a collapsed physiological state. What this would have done is sever their connection to their inner fire, and what would give them the energy to assert themselves.

And, as the years passed, they might have often been put down and even physically harmed. In this was the case, this is what would have caused them to associate being assertive with being put down and harmed.

Many Layers

Taking all this into account, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t have a strong connection with the masculine part of them and have the inclination to be passive and submissive. For this to change, they will need to reconnect to and be rooted in their body.

This will allow them not only to be connected to their inner fire but to also feel safe enough to freely express themselves. For this to take place, they will have conditioning to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk