Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Unconsciously Create Situations Where They Feel Helpless?

Recently, someone might have experienced a breakup or lost their job. As a result of what has just happened, they can feel totally helpless and hopeless, and as if their whole world has closed in.

They can then typically feel very heavy, weak, lifeless, depressed, and they might even have moments when they think about ending their life. Due to this, it is likely to be difficult for them to get out of bed, to perform at their best when they are working, and they might have very little, if any, interest in seeing friends or family.

Two Options

Before long, they might end up reaching out for support, with this being a time when they will be put on medication. If so, they might find that they are able to function again, but they might not feel alive.

Alternatively, they might gradually return to how they were before and be able to function again. If the latter takes place, it might not be long until they experience something else that has a big impact on them.

The Same Old Story

Assuming that they experience another breakup, this can be a time when they feel even worse than they did before. It can be as though they are under something that is very heavy and are unable to do a great deal.

This can be a time when they will wonder if they will be able to make it through to the other side. But, as they will have been in this position before, it is to be expected that this thought would enter their mind.

Looking Back

There is a chance that there is more to it, though, as they may see that they have been in this position on more than two occasions. They might see that regardless of whether it relates to a breakup or another kind of loss, they are absolutely floored each time.

And, as they have had this experience on so many occasions, it is not a surprise that they have been worn down. It will be as if they have had one battle after another, and each time they have lost.

One Conclusion

When they think about what they have been through and how they feel after, two things can enter their mind. First, they can believe that they are being punished, and second, they can believe that they are emotionally weak.

Nonetheless, what if the reason they are experiencing life in this way is not that they are being punished or are emotionally weak, and it is because of what they need to resolve from their developmental years? Still, this is not to say that breakups or losses can be avoided; what it comes down to is that if they are carrying pain from this stage of their life, what they experience as an adult will have a greater impact on them.

An Analogy

This is similar to how it would be if they were to spend all morning lifting heavy things and then start lifting heavy things in the evening. They are likely to feel weaker and have less energy, which would make it harder for them to lift things.

In this case, they would realise why it is harder for them to lift things, but when it comes to it being harder for them to handle adult losses, thanks to what they went through as a child or younger, this won’t be something that stands out. The main reason it won’t stand out is that, due to repression, their conscious mind will have forgotten about most, if not all, of what took place.

Way Back

Practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. One or both of their parents might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Being ignored, rejected and abandoned might have been normal. Assuming that this was the case, this would have been a time when they not only felt helpless and hopeless, but they were helpless and hopeless.

A brutal Time

To handle what happened and keep it together and function, their brain would have repressed the pain they were in and a number of their needs. This would have involved them losing touch with their embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self.

In its place would have been a disembodied, disconnected, physiologically collapsed and not fully feeling false self. In other words, their brain would have forced them to lose touch with their inner world and their outer world in order to ensure that they were not overwhelmed by arousal and were able to survive.

Another Part

Along with this, they would have lived in the hope that, if they kept struggling, their needs would be met. But as their parent or parents were probably unable to love them, it wouldn’t have mattered how they adapted or what they did.

Still, this hope would have served as a secondary defence that helped them to hold it together, as it would have aided in repression and allowed them to release tension. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but they will still be in a disconnected state, and a big part of them will still be trying to meet their unmet developmental needs.

The Moment Has Passed

This part will cause them to unconsciously re-experience what it was like and how they felt as a child and younger, in the hope that this time it will be different. As this part of them has no sense of time and is blind, it won’t know that, as this stage of their life is over and another person is not their mother or father, it is too late for them to receive what they missed out on.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that this part of them will cause them to have these experiences so that they can face, process and integrate the parts of their consciousness that are split off. If this didn’t take place, they would forever be in a disintegrated state.

Moving Forward

Taking all this into account, for them to become more whole, they will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk