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What someone may have come to see, if they have been reflecting on how they experience life, is that they don’t have a good connection with their emotional self. In general, it might be as if they don’t have an emotional self.
If this is the case, they are typically not going to be aware of how they feel. Another part of this is that they won’t be aware of certain needs, which will mean that these needs won’t be met. The Connection The reason for this is that their feelings will provide them with feedback when it comes to what it is that they need. So, by not having access to this feedback, they won’t be aware of these needs, let alone be able to meet them. For example, their feelings will tell them when they need to rest, relax, have fun, connect to others and experience intimacy. These are needs that will play a big part in their ability to survive and thrive. The outcome With this in mind, as they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self, it is going to be normal for them to neglect themselves. In general, they will meet their basic needs, but that will be about it. They can then sleep, eat, go to work and see the odd friend, but that can be as far as it will go. And, at times, they might not get enough sleep, eat right, go to work, or see any friends. A Bleak Existence They might see that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember, and could now be at the point where they have had enough. A big part of them can want to live a life where they feel alive and are grateful to be alive, as opposed to feeling numb and simply going through the motions. If they were to imagine living in this way for another year, they could be filled with despair. But, as their life won’t have much meaning and they feel disconnected from themselves and others, it is to be expected that they would be this way. Looking Back If they were to look back on their life, they could find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. What might then enter their mind is that they were simply born this way, and there is nothing that they can do. Assuming that they do come to this conclusion, it doesn’t mean that this is the truth. Instead, there is a chance that they became this way after being greatly traumatised during their formative years. Back In Time Practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. The reason for this is that they might have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed. If this were the case, being left when they needed attention and receiving attention at the wrong moments would have been the norm. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. The Outcome The experiences that they had would have overwhelmed them and been a threat to their survival, which would have caused their brain to repress how they felt and a number of their needs. They would then have been an embodied and feeling human being when they were born, provided their time in their mother’s womb and birth wasn’t overly traumatic, but as time passed, this connection would have been severed. To handle a brutal stage of their life, they were forced to develop a disembodied and unfeeling false self. This was their only way to keep it together and function as they couldn’t change their parent or parents or find another family. Self-Understanding What this illustrates is that they don’t experience life in this way because there is something inherently wrong with them; it is because they suffered immensely during their formative years and had to adapt to survive. If they hadn’t adapted in this way, it is unlikely that they would even be alive. Therefore, if their mind does criticise them, what they hear won’t have any basis in reality. What their mind should talk about is how they didn’t choose to be this way and how strong they had to be to get this far. Moving Forward For them to become a more integrated human being who is in touch with their emotional self, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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