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What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on how they behave, is that they typically play a role. This can be something that takes place without them needing to think about it.
As a result, they can have the tendency to be easy-going and do what they can to please others. The outcome of this is that they will seldom, if ever, freely express who they are. A Tedious Existence Thanks to how they have been living, for however long, they can often feel frustrated and down. But, as they are not living a life where they freely express themselves, this is not going to be a surprise. It can be as though they are in an invisible prison, and until they leave this prison, they won’t be able to be themselves. If they can relate to this, they might believe that what is going on externally needs to change for them to be themselves. A Different Experience Now, when they are by themselves, they can feel less inhibited and find that they are able to be themselves. This could also be how they are when they are around certain friends. During this time, they can be aware of how they feel and their needs. Alternatively, this might be a time when they are aware of the thoughts that are in their mind, but they might not be aware of their needs and feelings. What’s going on? Assuming that they do believe that what is going on externally is what is causing them to be this way, this is unlikely to be the reason. This is not to say that what is going on externally won’t have an impact on them. No, what it means is that there is likely to be another reason why they are unable to be connected to and freely express themselves when they are around others. And, if they find it hard to connect with how they feel and their needs, this can be due to the same reason. Back In Time If they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them during their formative years, they might soon realise why they are this way. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing, with them being greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed. When they did receive attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. The Next Stage As the years passed, they might have continued to be neglected and even verbally put down and physically harmed. Either way, they would have missed out on the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Assuming that their time in their mother’s womb and birth didn’t traumatise them, they would have been connected to their body at one point and gradually lost this connection as time passed. Thanks to how much pain they experienced, they would have had to disconnect from their body. Self-Protection Being connected to their body would have meant that they were aware of how they felt and certain needs. This would have been too much for them to handle, which is why their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs to allow them to keep it together and function. The outcome of this is that they would have lost touch with their embodied, true self, and developed a disembodied and outer-directed, false self. Along with losing touch with themselves, they would have been conditioned to behave in certain ways. A Brutal Time If they didn’t behave as their parents or parents wanted, they might have been rejected, put down, humiliated, harmed or left. Not pleasing them would then have caused them to suffer even more. Ultimately, they were not given the support that they needed to stay connected to and freely express themselves. They had to adapt to the crumbs that were on offer, and this meant abandoning themselves. Moving Forward Most likely, one or both of their parents couldn’t provide them with what they needed, as they had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years. It was then not that they were worthless and unlovable; it was that they couldn’t love them. For them to experience life differently, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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