Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Give Someone The Need To Die Whenever They Suffer?

If someone has just gone through a breakup, they can be in a bad way mentally and emotionally. Due to this, what can often enter their mind is the thought of ending their life.

To a big part of them, this can be seen as the only way out of the misery that they are experiencing. And, just thinking about ending their life can make what they are going through more bearable.

External Support

Now, if they were to speak to a trusted friend about what is going on, this friend could be understanding and supportive. Still, they could make it clear that ending their life is not the only way out of what is going on for them.

What they can say is that they need to reach out for the right support and, over time, they will feel better and want to be here. After hearing this, they could end up reaching out for support.

The Next Phase

Assuming that they were to reach out for support, this can be a time when they will talk about what is going on for them. Along with this, they can question the thoughts they have and what they believe.

During this time, they can be told that their thoughts and what they believe are irrational. For example, they will be told they don’t need to end their life in order for their life to change.

An Analogy

This is then no different to how, if their arm was in pain, the solution wouldn’t be to remove it. The solution would be to give their arm what it needed to return to how it was before.

Likewise, the solution to what they are going through will be for them to receive what they need to get back on their feet, so to speak. After working with the same person for a while and making certain changes, they may find that they are able to go back to how they were before.

The Same Story

However, even if this does take place, it might not be long until they are in the same position again. After experiencing another breakup or loss, they could be in a very bad way and, once again, start thinking about ending their life

If this is the case, they might wonder why they are having the same experience as before. What this will show, if they are able to do this, is that they are not in such a bad way that they are unable to think clearly.

Looking Back

There could be even more to this, though as they might see that there have been other moments in the past when they have had the same experience. From this, it will be clear that, the part of them that sees death as the only way out of the pain that they are in has been with them for a very long time.

What might enter their mind is that there is no reason for them to be this way, and instead of having this need, they should just look for a way to change what is going on for them. But, as strange as this will be, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them during their formative years, it might gradually make sense.

Back In Time

This stage of their life might have been anything but nurturing, with them being greatly deprived and deeply wounded. So, practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on the attunement and attention that they needed.

It would then have been normal for them to be left and receive attention at the wrong moments. As the years passed, they might have continued to miss out on the attunement and attention that they needed.

One Option

If they were not powerless and dependent, they would have been able to change what was going on or find another family. But, as they were, the only option was for their brain to repress how they felt and a number of their needs.

This wouldn’t have changed what was going on, of course, but it would have allowed them to keep it together and function. There would have also been moments when the thought of death and dying entered their mind.

Two parts

This thought is likely to have made it easier for them to handle what was going on, as this would have served as a secondary defence. Moreover, due to how much pain they were in and how powerless they were to do anything about it, apart from repression, it would have been the only other option available.

Ultimately, this stage of their life would have been brutal and, although it is now over, a big part of them won’t realise this. They will still be carrying most, if not all, of the pain that they had to repress, their unmet developmental needs and the associations that their brain made.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, for them to no longer see death as their only option when they are in a bad way and to no longer end up in such a bad way, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk