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What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they have the tendency to live a very restrictive life. This can mean that they have had the same job or done the same thing for years, might rarely venture beyond where they live, and when they see their friends, they could typically do the same thing.
As a result of this, they could feel that it is time for them to get off the path that they usually walk, so to speak, and try new things. What may have played a part in this is that they might have started to feel deeply frustrated and as though something was missing. External Feedback They could end up reaching out to a friend or family member and telling them about what they are going through. If so, this could be a time when they are supported and encouraged to change their life. Alternatively, this could be a time when they are not support or encouraged. Instead, the other person could question why they want to change their life and tell them that they should be grateful with what they have, or words to that effect. The Next Step Either way, they could look into the changes that they want to make and take the first step. But, before long, they could end up experiencing a fair amount of anxiety and even fear. Due to this, they could soon feel the need to go back to how they were and not change their life. At this stage, they could wonder why they end up being so unsettled when they attempt to change their life. It Makes Sense Additionally, what could enter their mind is that this is the reason why they have behaved in the same way for so long. Thus, by changing their behaviour, it has shed light on why they are the way that they are. However, although they will have a deeper understanding of what is going on, they are still likely to be confused. But, as they will simply want to behave in a way that allows them to meet their needs and this causes them to feel so unsettled, this is to be expected. A Different Reality What should feel comfortable is for them to freely express themselves and go where they feel the call to go. If they were a tree and couldn’t move, it would be different but they aren’t. Now, if they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that what took place during their formative years had a big impact on them. This may have been a stage that was anything but nurturing. Back In Time Assuming that they were not deeply traumatised whilst they were in their mother’s womb and during their birth, they might have been traumatised from a very young age. So, they might have had a mother and perhaps a father who were emotionally available and out of reach. As opposed to receiving attuned care, they might have typically received misattuned care. Consequently, it would have been normal for them to be left when they needed attention and receive attention at the wrong moments. The Same Story As the years passed, they might have been unable to reach their mother and perhaps their father and often been isolated. The outcome of this is that they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. But, as they were powerless and dependent, they couldn’t change what was going on or find another family. The only option was for their brain to repress how they felt and a number of their needs. Another Element This wouldn’t have been enough to keep this pain at bay, though; they would have also needed to behave in a certain way. Repression and living in a certain way would then have allowed them to keep it together and function. Freely expressing themselves wouldn’t have been their priority – their priority was making sure that they didn’t fall apart. They were then focused on surviving, not thriving. No Different Many years will have passed since that stage of their life but, as they are carrying most if not all of the pain that they experienced, along with their unmet developmental needs, they will still be doing what they can to keep it together and function. Freely expressing themselves and embracing life would start to unlock some of their repressed inner material. The life that they lead, on the other hand, will have been unconsciously created to stop this pain from entering their conscious awareness. The anxiety and fear that they experience when they try to change their life, will partly, if not fully, be there to let them know that they are about to do something that would unlock this pain and threaten their existence. Moving Forward For them to be able to open up to life and freely express themselves, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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