Early Deprivation: Can Man Have The Need To Be Saved If His Father Was Emotionally Unavailable?

If a man were to step back and reflect on his life, what he may see is that he often ends up in situations that he can’t handle. So, he might have had trouble at work, been in a number of abusive relationships, and found it hard to achieve certain goals.

When he is in a position like this, he may find that he rarely feels strong and capable. Instead, he typically ends up feeling helpless and hopeless, and doesn’t do anything about what is going on.

One Scenario

At this point, a friend or family member might end up stepping in and taking over. Before long, the challenge that he was dealing with might be resolved, thereby allowing him to carry on with his life.

If so, he can end up feeling relieved and grateful for the support that he has received. It might then only be a matter of time before the same thing takes place again.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, this might be something that seldom, if ever, takes place. As a result of this, he can just put up with being treated badly at work, in a relationship or not achieving his goals.

Even so, he might hope that, sooner or later, something happens and his life ends up changing for the better. There is a chance that a friend or family might step in, but this might mean that he suffers for a little while.

Another Part

Now, when it comes to the people in his life, they can be more like parental figures than friends. Irrespective of whether a friend is older or younger than him, they can generally act like they know what is best for him.

Assuming that this is the case, he might appreciate their support and guidance, but he can also feel restricted by them. But, as he is an adult, not a child, it is to be expected that being treated in this way would bother him.

One Outlook

After thinking about what his life is like, what might enter his mind is that he is like a child who needs his father to stand up for and protect him. He might then wonder why he can’t just stand up for himself.

What might soon enter his mind is that he is weak and that he lacks something that other men have. But, even if he does come to this conclusion, it doesn’t mean that it is the truth.

What’s going on?

The reason he is like this can largely be due to what took place during his early years and the impact it had on him. This may have been a stage of his life when both his mother and father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

The outcome of this is that he would have missed out on the attunement, mirroring, care, affection, support and protection that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Thus, he wouldn’t have experienced an emotional birth or been able to develop a strong backbone.

Two Parts

His mother would have played a key part in the former taking place and his father in the latter. To handle not receiving what he needed, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

This would have involved him losing touch with his embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected, and not fully feeling false self.

Another Element

Now, even though they were not available, he would have lived in the hope that, if he became who they wanted and behaved how they wanted, he would be loved. But as futile as this hope was, it would have served as a secondary defence.

This is because this hope and the struggle that ensued would have aided in repression and allowed him to release tension. Many years will have passed, but he will still be trying to unconsciously receive the love that he missed out on.

Replaying The past

By unconsciously creating a life where he can’t stand up for or support himself, he will hope that his mother and father will give him what he missed out on. This deeper, emotional part of him won’t have a sense of time and will be blind.

This is why it can’t accept that, as this stage of his life is another and another person is not his mother or father, it is too late for him to receive what he missed out on.

Moving Forward

Taking all this into account, for him to emotionally grow up and connect to his inner power, he will have a number of steps to take. He will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

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Oliver JR Cooper
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