Early Deprivation: Can Sex Take On A Symbolic Meaning If Someone Experienced Early Deprivation?

Irrespective of whether someone is in a relationship or not, they could spend a fair amount of time thinking about sex. This can also mean that they will have sex at least once a day or a few times a week.

From this, it could be said that this is something that is an important part of their life as opposed to just another thing that they experience. But, as it is likely to bring them a lot of pleasure and have a positive impact on their wellbeing, this is to be expected.

The Other Side

If, then, they were to go without having sex for a few days or a week, they could soon start to feel frustrated, agitated and even depressed. Therefore, the sooner they have it, the better off they will be.

Once they do, it can be as though the tension inside them has been drained away and their mood has lifted. After going through this, they could do what they can to make sure that they don’t end up in this position again.

Another Angle

Now, one way of looking at this would be to say that they simply have a high sex drive and this is why they spend so much time thinking about and having sex. However, what if there is more to it than this?

What if, at a deeper level, sex means more to them than simply sharing their body with another person that they do or don’t love and experiencing pleasure? If it does, there is going to be another reason why they behave in this way.

Going Deeper

There is then what is going on for them at a conscious level and what is going on for them at an unconscious level. At a deeper level, sex can be seen as something that will allow them to receive the love that they missed out on as a child.

What this will show is that at this level, they don’t feel emotionally whole and complete. Therefore, when they have sex, part of them will be deceived into believing that they are receiving the love that they missed out on as a child.

The outcome

Thanks to this, this will allow them to not only release the tension that their unmet needs and the pain that goes with them are creating but to experience a momentary sense of wholeness. Naturally, this is going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing.

But, as it is too late for them to receive what they missed out on and tension will start to build up again inside them, it will be necessary for them to have sex again soon after. Ultimately, what they think is behind their preoccupation with sex won’t be what is really behind it.

Steeping Back

Now, if they were to take a step back and see that sex is a way for them to try to receive the love that they missed out on as a child, they could wonder what happened at this stage of their life. They could find that even though they are a whole human being, they don’t feel like one.

Yet, during and after they have had sex, they no longer feel so empty. When it comes to their early years, this may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

An Emotional Desert

This would have caused them to miss out on the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead of being able to not only have a physical birth but also an emotional birth, they would have stayed in an emotionally dependent state.

To handle being brought up in a depriving environment, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs. Nonetheless, they would have lived in the hope - the false hope - that if they did what their parent or parents wanted, they would be loved.

The Same Story

This false hope would have been a defence against reality; a reality that was too painful for them to accept. Many years will have passed since that stage of their life but a big part of them will still be trying to receive this love.

As this part of them has no sense of time and is blind, it won’t be able to accept that is it too late to receive this love and that another person is not their parent. It will simply project the parent or parents that they had into the person who they have sex with and believe that they are receiving what they need to feel whole and complete.

A New Reality

For them to no longer unconsciously use sex as a vehicle to receive what they missed out on during their formative years, they are going to have pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk