Early Deprivation: Can Someone Act Like An Extension Of Others If They Had A Narcissistic Mother?

What someone can see, if they were to step back and reflect on how they behave, is that they typically act as though they are an extension of others. They are then going to be a separate human being who has their own needs, feelings and life to lead, but they won’t act like one.

In general, then, they are going to be focused on other people’s needs and do what they can to meet them. This can largely take place automatically, meaning that they won’t choose to be this way.

One Area

If they are in a relationship, they can spend a lot of time being there for their partner, while receiving very little in return. There is a chance that they are with someone who is very self-centred and rarely, if ever, acknowledges their needs.

If so, it won’t occur to their partner that they are not a part of them and have their own needs and feelings. Instead, this person will believe that their sole purpose is to be there for them and take care of their needs.

Another Area

When it comes to their friends, it might not be much different. They can then do a lot for their friends, but their friends might not do a great deal for them.

These people could also be very caught up with their own needs, and it might not occur to them that they are not the centre of the universe. And, if they do express their needs, they could soon be ignored.

A Draining Existence

Both of these areas of their life are going to be out of balance, which will take a lot out of them. Thanks to what these two areas of their life are like, it is not going to be a surprise if they often feel drained and even exhausted.

Clearly, for their life to change, they will need to spend less time focused on others and freely express themselves. If this doesn’t change, their life will continue to go in the same direction, taking even more out of them.

The Truth

Ultimately, they are not here to act like an extension of others; they are here to freely express themselves. But as this is not what is taking place, it is likely to show that something is not right.

If they were to imagine freely expressing themselves and not being focused on pleasing others, they could soon feel anxious and fearful. They could also experience guilt and shame.

Inner Conflict

If this is the case, acting like an individual as opposed to an extension of others will be seen as something that is not safe and is wrong. Based on this, it is to be expected that they will behave in a way that is not serving them.

However, freely expressing themselves should be what feels safe, and it is the right thing for them to do. The reason that this is not the case is likely to be due to what took place during their formative years.

Back In Time

This stage of their life is likely to have been a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. They might have had a mother who was unable to accept that they were a separate being who had their own needs and feelings.

As far as she was concerned, they might have been nothing more than another part of her, and their purpose was to meet her needs. If they acted like an individual, she might have soon punished them.

Two Parts

On one side, then, there would have been the pain that they experienced by having a mother who didn’t attune to their needs and provide them with the care that they needed and how they had to adapt as a result, and, on the other, the meaning that their underdeveloped brain made. When it comes to the former, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

This would have also involved them disconnecting from their connected, true self and developing a disconnected and outer-directed, false self. When it comes to the latter, they would have believed that their needs and feelings were bad and that they were worthless and unlovable.

Moving Forward

Most likely, their mother couldn’t provide them with the attunement and care that they needed, as she had been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years. This would have meant that she wasn’t in a position to provide them with the love that they needed.

With this in mind, they are not worthless or unlovable, and there is nothing inherently wrong with their needs or feelings. For them to gradually change their life, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk