Early Deprivation: Can Someone Associate Self-Expression With Being Disconnected If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that they have the tendency to hide their needs and how they feel. What can then be normal is for them to do what they can to please others.

However, this is not to say that they constantly think about what they can do to please others, as this can typically take place without them needing to think about it. Thanks to this, they are going to be an individual, but it will be as if they are merely an extension of others.

An Unfulfilling Existence

Now, while behaving in this way can mean that they are used to receiving positive feedback from others, it is not going to allow them to live a life that is worth living. For this to be the case, they will need to be connected to what is going on inside them and freely express themselves.

They might see that until they live in this way, they will continue to live a miserable life. But, even though this can be something that is clear, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to change their behaviour.

Inner Resistance

If they were to imagine living a life where they are connected to their needs and feelings and freely express themselves, they could find that they feel free, alive and strong. They can then experience a deep sense of relief and be extremely grateful.

But, after a little while, they can feel anxious and fearful and have the need to go back to how they were before. By going back to how they were, they can feel settled once again.

A Hurdle

Assuming that this takes place, they can wonder why behaving in a way that is not serving them feels comfortable. What might enter their mind is that it wouldn’t be right for them to freely express themselves.

However, even if this thought enters their mind, another part of them can say that this is not the truth. This part will then realise that they are here to live their own life, not to please others.

The Next Stage

This part can wonder why there is another, stronger part of them that has such a strong need to hide themselves and focus on others. What can enter their mind is that this part of them is against them and is doing what it can to undermine them.

Nevertheless, there is a strong chance that this part of them is doing what it can to make sure that they maintain their connection to others and survive. To this part, hiding themselves and pleasing others can be seen as the only way for this to take place.

What’s going on?

After hearing this, they could wonder why part of them would be this way. To the rational part of them, this can be seen as something that has no basis in rational, and is, thus, irrational.

But, although what is going on for them can be seen as being irrational, if what took place during their formative years and the impact it had on them is taken into account, it might start to make sense.  This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

From a very young age, they needed a mother who was generally attuned and caring. Instead, their mother might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Along with this, when they expressed themselves, they might have been disapproved of, rejected and even left. And as the years passed, the same thing is likely to have continued to take place.

One outcome

Then again, the first part of their development might not have been too bad, but things might have changed after a few years had passed. Either way, to handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, they would have lost touch with their connected true self and developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

Their system would have also come to associate self-expression as something that would sever the connection that they had with their mother and perhaps their father, and cause them to be alone. Being alone during this stage of their life would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and they might have often had the experience of dying without dying.

A brutal Time

The needs that were not met, along with the pain that they experienced by not having them met, would have been repressed. Many years will have passed since this stage of their life, of course, but they will still be in a disconnected state, the associations that were formed will still be in place, and they will still carry the needs and pain that were repressed.

Taking all this into account, for their life to change, they will have pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. By going down this path, they will gradually be able to connect to their body, let go of the associations that are not serving them, and freely express themselves.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk