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For a little while now, someone may have wanted to live a life where their needs are met, and they are happy. However, if they were to reflect on their life, they might see that no matter what they have done to change their life, this hasn’t taken place.
Or, they might see that when they have been able to make progress, their life has gone back to how it was before, or close to it. As a result of this, they could be well and truly fed up and feel hopeless and helpless. A Bleak Existence Feeling low and even depressed can then be a normal part of their life. What might often enter their mind is that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back and preventing them from living a fulfilling life. Yet, if what they have experienced over the years is taken into account, it might not be a surprise that they have this view. There can be what happened when it comes to their relationships and their career. One Area So, they may have been in a number of relationships that were going well, only for them to end before long. For example, in one of these cases, their partner might have cheated on them or just said that they were no longer into them. In another, their partner might have had to move to another country or to another part of the same country. Either way, they will know what it is like to be in a relationship that is going well and for it to just end. Another Area As for their career, they might have been promoted but ended up losing their job before long. Or they might have been accused of something that they hadn’t done and lost their job. Alternatively, they might have been making progress and then become unwell, which caused this area of their life to more or less unravel. Once again, they will know what it is like to move forward and then to go back. External Support Now, even though they have and are suffering, it doesn’t mean that they will be alone and won’t be supported. They can have both friends and family who are there for them and do what they can’t make them feel better. Over the years, they might have been told that they are unlucky and that they need to keep going, as their luck will change. They can be grateful for their support, but be desperate for their life to go in a different direction. What’s going on? As fed up as they can be, there is a chance that part of them feels comfortable with experiencing life in this way. After hearing this, they could say that this is not true, and this is to be expected, as they will be living an unfulfilling life. But if they can’t accept this, what they will need to keep in mind is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind, or conscious sense of themselves. Along with this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind. A Closer Look For them to connect to what is going on for them at a deeper level, there is an exercise that they can do. They can imagine that they live a life where their needs are typically met, and they are happy with the direction their life is taking. At first, they can feel powerful, alive and free, and then feel relieved and grateful. But, as time passes, they can feel guilty and anxious, with it being as though they have done something wrong and their existence is under threat. A Strange Scenario If this is what takes place, they can wonder why not doing well and suffering feels comfortable, but doing well doesn’t. As confusing as this is, if they were able to go back in time and observe their early years, it might gradually make sense. This may have been a stage of their life when their mother and father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Additionally, one or both of them might have often been depressed and found it hard to cope with life. Another Part Also, one or both of their parents might have often spoken about how much they sacrificed to have them, and reacted negatively when they wanted something and were happy. Lastly, when they did receive attention, it might have often been because they were not doing well or were unwell. Assuming that this is what it was like, they would have lived in an environment where not only were their parents suffering, but they also suffered and had to suffer to receive the emotional crumbs that were on offer. To handle not receiving the nutrients that they needed, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. The outcome This would have involved them losing touch with their embodied, connected, fully feeling and inner-directed true self. In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected, not fully feeling, and outer-directed false self. There would have also been the meaning that their underdeveloped brain made. This was that their needs and feelings were bad, they were worthless and unlovable, and they were responsible for their parents' suffering. A Key Element As they were powerless and dependent, it was essential for them to be accepted and stay connected to their parents to be able to survive. This stage of their life would have caused them to associate staying attached to them, being good and surviving with suffering. To ensure that they did suffer and didn’t risk being rejected, seen as bad or abandoned, their parents would have been internalised. Their outer parents would then have become part of their superego. It was Futile They would have also hoped that, if they suffered like them and didn’t allow themselves to do well or be happy, they would love them. This wouldn’t have worked, though, as one or both of their parents probably couldn’t provide them with what they needed Even so, it would have served as a secondary defence, as it would have aided in repression and allowed them to release tension. Moving Forward Taking all this into account, for them to gradually change their life, they will have a number of steps to take. They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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