Early Deprivation: Can Someone Be Driven By Hope If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even if someone is very driven, it doesn’t mean that this is a sign that they are in a good way mentally and emotionally and value themselves. Still, it can appear this way as being highly motivated is often seen as a sign that someone is in a good way and has ‘high self-esteem’.

Not only this but although they are very driven, it doesn’t mean that they have been able to make much progress. For example, a number of areas of their life might not have changed and when they do take a step forward, they could soon end up where they were or close to it.

A Battle

If this is so, they will have expended a lot of energy and will continue to do so but they won’t have a great deal to show for it. However, if they were to take their foot off the gas, so to speak, they could end up feeling even worse.

This could be a time when they will feel deeply agitated and after a while, they could feel very low. To make sure that they don’t fall into a very deep hole, then, they will need to keep going.

Their Outlook

Every now and then, they could think about how their life will change if they keep going and don't give up. But, as the days, weeks, months and years pass and their life doesn’t really change, it is likely to get harder and harder for them to keep going.

As a result of this, they can end up getting to the point where they are unable to behave in the same way due to feeling well and truly exhausted. If this takes place, they are likely to end up in a very deep hole but it can be what will allow them to change the direction of their life.

Rock Bottom

Now, assuming that they were to get to the point where they are unable to behave in the same way, after living in the hope that their life will change if they keep going, they can be in a very bad way mentally and emotionally. It can be a challenge for them to get out of bed.

If they connect with how they feel, they can find that they feel helpless and hopeless. They can find that their body has gone into a collapsed state and they feel very heavy and weak.

It Doesn’t Add Up

Additionally, they might wonder what is going on. If so, what might enter their mind is that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back.

Yet, if they have been doing a number of the right things for years and have not made much progress, this is to be expected. What could add to this is that a number of their friends might not be as driven or do as much as them and have been able to make progress.

Stepping Back

Taking into account what is going on for them, it could be said that they are simply ‘unlucky’. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are unconsciously re-creating what it was like for them during their formative years.

This may have been a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

The Norm

If this was the case, during this stage of their life, it would have been normal for them to be ignored, rejected and even isolated from others. Not receiving the emotional nutrients that they needed would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way.

But, although being treated in this way would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them, they couldn’t do anything about what was going on. Their only option was for their brain to repress how they felt and a number of their needs and block out reality.

Another Part

By losing touch with their inner world and their outer world, it would have allowed them to believe that if they kept trying to receive their mother's and perhaps their father's love, they would receive it. If they had accepted that they wouldn’t be loved no matter what they did, it would have been too much for them to handle.

The reason that their parents were unable to love them was probably because they were not loved during their formative years and simply couldn’t love them. But, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place.

Replaying The Past

Of course, this stage of their life is now over but a big part of them will still be trying to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago. This is why they will unconsciously re-create depriving experiences in the hope that their unmet developmental needs will be met.

What this illustrates is that this part of them has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it doesn’t realise that it is too late for them to meet these needs and that other people are not their parents. Facing their pain and working through their unmet developmental needs will be a key part of what will stop them from living in hope and continually creating depriving situations.  

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk