Early Deprivation: Can Someone Be In A Traumatised State If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even if someone’s early years were anything but nurturing, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. They might not remember a great deal about this stage of their life; then again, they might believe that this stage of their life wasn’t that bad, with it being a time when they received what they needed.

Yet, while they won’t have a clear understanding of what this stage of their life was like, it may have left a big mark on them. Thus, if they had a clear idea about what it was like, they are likely to see how they haven’t fully moved on from this stage of their life.

A Battle

With that aside, what can be normal is for them to experience fear and anxiety, with them seldom if ever feeling at ease. Along with this, they can often have moments when they feel very low and depressed.

They can typically be out of touch with how they feel and a number of their needs could largely be a mystery. This is likely to mean that they will spend most of their time in their head, having a very weak connection with their body.

A Bleak Existence

They might spend a lot of time by themselves, with this just being what feels comfortable. This may mean that they don’t have any close friends, or it might not be this black and white.

As for what they do for a living, they could do something that is soul-destroying. They could often feel fed up but believe that this is their only option.

One Outlook

If they were able to step back and reflect on their life, they could come to the conclusion that this is just what life is like. One thing that they could end up doing is seeing their doctor and being put on medication.

What this approach may do is make it easier for them to function but it is unlikely to do much else. Their life will then be just as bleak as it was before but they will feel more comfortable with it.

Another Scenario

Conversely, they could talk to a friend or someone else about what is going on for them and be told that it sounds like they have experienced something traumatic. At one stage of their life or another, then, they will have been through something that had a big impact on them.

Yet, what they have experienced will still be having an effect on them as they haven’t resolved what took place. Due to this, it will be as if what happened is still happening and is not over.

What’s going on?

After hearing this, they could wonder why they are in this state and what it is that caused them to be this way. If they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them during their formative years, they might soon understand why they are this way.  

This may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Moreover, one or both of them may have been verbally and even physically abusive.

A Brutal Time

Consequently, instead of receiving the love that they needed to develop a felt sense of safety, belonging, value and love, they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. They wouldn’t have been able to focus on growing and expanding; they would have had to focus on surviving and making it through each day.

To handle being deprived and greatly wounded, their brain, in addition to being ‘wired’ in a certain way, would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on or stopped them from suffering, but, it would have stopped them from being consciously aware of what was going on externally and internally, allowing them to keep it together and function.

An Inner Divide

But, although their needs and reactions to being deprived would have automatically been repressed by their brain, this response wouldn’t have been enough. Along with this, they would have also needed to have behaved in a certain way to keep it together and function.

Their behaviour would then have served as a secondary defence. Behaving in a certain way would have stopped fear and anxiety from being unlocked, as changing their behaviour would have been seen as a threat to their survival.

The Past Is Present

This might not have always worked, though, as thanks to how much pain they would have carried, it would have probably still breached their defences and made it hard for them to keep it together and function. Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but they will still carry most, if not all, of the pain that they experienced as a child.

If there had been at least one person who was there for them who they felt safe with, they would have been able to face, work through and integrate the pain that they experienced. But, as this wasn’t the case, it will still be held in their brain and body, which will play a big part in why what happened will continue to be seen as what will happen, not what has happened.

It’s over

The truth is that while they were regularly traumatised, they survived what happened. But, for them to know that this stage of their life is over and no longer be in this state, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

This will allow them to gradually settle down and reconnect to themselves; to be an embodied human being. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk