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What someone can find is that they have trouble knowing how they feel and what their needs are. They might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.
After this, they could think about how being this way makes it hard for them to know what to do. But, as they will have trouble accessing the information that is inside them, this is to be expected. Inner Guidance If, on the other hand, they could easily access this information, they would typically know what it is that they need to do in each moment and in their life as whole. It will be as though they are in a car and have the need to go somewhere but they have no idea about where they want to go. Due to this, they can end up going where the other people in the car want to go. This could mean that they will end up somewhere that is right for them but, then again, it probably won’t. The connection The reason for this is that they are on their own path and simply following others is not going to allow them to live a fulfilling life. This could be something that they are only too aware of as they might have the tendency to follow others and do what they want. They are then going to be used to saying yes when they would rather say no and perhaps saying no when they would rather say yes. Thanks to the life that they lead, they are likely to often feel frustrated, angry, helpless and hopeless. No Control If they were to pretend that they were connected to their needs and feelings and freely expressed themselves, they could end up feeling anxious and fearful. This can be a time when they will expect to be ignored, rejected and even left. What this will show is that being in touch with and freely expressing themselves is not seen as something that is safe. Moreover, they won’t believe that they will be supported if the behave in this way. Two parts At this point, they could wonder why they not only don’t have a good connection with themselves but freely expressing themselves is seen as a risk. What this can illustrate is that their early years were not very nurturing. So, this may have been a time when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Assuming that it was one parent, this would have meant that they would have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. An Emotional Desert When they expressed how they felt or a need, they might have often been ignored, criticised, humiliated, rejected and/or left. Being treated in this way would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them. And, as they were powerless and dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could do about what was going on. They couldn’t make this parent into someone who could generally attune to their feelings and needs and love them or find a parent who could do this. The outcome As a result, they would have had to lose touch with a number of their needs and feelings. This would have involved them gradually disconnecting from their body and creating a disconnected, false self. Their true self - which will relate to them inhabiting their body and being connected to their needs and feelings - would then have gone into hiding. From this point onwards, they would have been outer-directed and driven by their need to try to be loved by the parent who simply couldn’t love them. Coming Back Home Most likely, their parent had also been brought up in an environment where they were generally not seen or heard, causing them to become estranged from themselves. As they hadn’t become aware of and healed any of their inner wounds, they passed on what was done to them. Behind their disconnected and unfeeling and perhaps inflated false self would have been a deeply wounded human being. For them to reconnect to themselves and feel safe enough to free express themselves, they are likely to have a lot of inner work to do. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 27 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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