Early Deprivation: Can Someone Be Overly Sensitive To Rejection If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they might find is that they have the inclination to overreact when they are given feedback or receive constructive criticism. So if they are in a relationship, they might see that if their partner says that they would prefer something else or says that something could be done differently, they end up feeling as though they are being rejected.

It is then not that their partner is just sharing what they prefer or is trying to assist them and, thus, still wants to be with them and loves them; no, it is that they no longer want to be with them and don’t love them. After this, they can end up getting angry and shouting at them, or they might just feel very sad and withdraw emotionally and even physically.

The Next Stage

Thanks to how they behave during these moments, their partner might have started to become distant and might be very careful about what they say. If so, they can not only feel guilty about how they are behaving, but they can also see this as a sign that their partner has rejected them.

This can then cause them to withdraw even more, and it may mean that their partner will break up with them or they will end their relationship, which can cause them to feel even more rejected and as though they have been abandoned. Feeling rejected will be painful, and feeling abandoned will be even more intense, with it potentially feeling as though they are going to die. 
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Another Part

What can also stand out is that they spend a lot of time looking for signs of rejection, and this causes them to be a people pleaser. As a result, it can be normal for them to be in their head and primarily be externally focused as opposed to being in their body and primarily connected to both their inner and outer world.

This will then mean that they will be used to feeling anxious and that their breathing will often be very shallow. They can see that by being this way, it allows them to be more prepared for when they are rejected and that it then doesn’t hurt as much.

A Lonely Existence

To make their life more bearable, they may spend a fair amount of time by themselves and do what they can to avoid certain social situations. This will deprive them of the human contact that they need, but it is likely to give them a break from being overly anxious and experiencing intense emotions, and allow them to be more connected to themselves.   

Still, during this time and others, they can often criticise themselves for how they behave and perhaps for pushing people out of their life. They can conclude that they are a failure, and are worthless and unlovable.

A lot to deal with

What can often enter their mind is that there is something inherently wrong with them and that the world would be better without them. During these moments, they can feel hopeless and hopeless.

However, although they can believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, what if this is not the case? What if they are like this because they are in a traumatised state?

A Closer Look

Assuming that this is so, and their life has been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance their early years were a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. From a very young age, their mother and perhaps their father might have not only been emotionally unavailable and out of reach, but also been verbally abusive.

This would have caused them to miss out on the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Being criticised, put down, ignored, rejected, invalidated and even abandoned would then have been the norm.

A matter of survival

For them to handle this and ensure their survival, their brain would have automatically repressed the pain that they were in and the needs that were not being met. The outcome of this is that they would have lost touch with their connected, embodied, fully feeling and inner-directed true self and developed a disconnected, disembodied, not fully feeling and outer-directed false self.

Additionally, they would have lived in the hope that if they became who one or both of their parents wanted and behaved how they wanted, they would be loved. But, as futile as this was, as one or both of their parents probably couldn’t give them what they needed, as they had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years, it would have served as a secondary defence that allowed them to release tension and helped them keep it together and function.
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The past is present

Now, this stage of their life will be over, of course, but thanks to how they adapted and the emotional baggage that they are carrying from their past, they won’t fully realise this. At a deeper level, they will unconsciously project how it was for them early on into the present.

Being overly focused on others and anticipating rejection will then be a way for them to prevent their symbolic parent or parents – other people – from rejecting them. Also, this will be a way for this part of them to try to receive their parent or parents' love.

And, when they are rejected or perceive that this has taken place, some of the pain that their brain repressed early on will be unlocked, causing it to enter their conscious mind. Naturally, this old pain will make it difficult for them to be present and manage how they feel. 

Moving Forward

What this illustrates is that, at a deeper, unconscious level, they don’t have a sense of time and are blind. This is why this part won’t be able to see that, as this stage of their life is over, and another person can’t give them what their parent or parents couldn’t, it is too late for them to receive what they missed out on.

For them to no longer look for what they missed out on, be in their body and be less reactive, they will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk