Early Deprivation: Can Someone Believe That They Are Not Good Enough If They Had A Narcissistic Mother?

What someone could see is that no matter what they do or achieve, they don’t feel worthy or deserving of having their needs met. Instead, they can have the sense that they are worthless and undeserving.

Now, if they were to reach out to a friend and talk about what is going on for them, they could end up being told that how they feel is not the truth. This friend could make it clear that they are worthy and deserving of having their needs met.

Additional Feedback

After this, their friend could talk about their good qualities, how they live their life and what they have done for others over the years. In their friends’ eyes, then, how they feel about themselves will have no basis in reality.

This friend could say that, as convincing as their view of themselves is, it doesn’t reflect who they are. What this will illustrate is that this friend is not only supportive, but also has a more accurate view of them.

The Next Stage

However, although what they hear might have a positive effect on them, it could soon be forgotten. Their mood can then be elevated, before going back to how it was before.

Yet, even if this does take place, it might not be long until they think about what their friend has said. Part of them could believe that what their friend said is right and that they deserve to have their needs met.

One Big Struggle

If they were to look back over their life, they might see that they have worked really hard and given a lot to others. Due to there, there is no reason for them to have the sense that they are not worthy or deserving of living a fulfilling life.

What might stand out is that, based on how they feel and see themselves, it is as if they have done something unforgivable. Therefore, they deserve to go without and suffer for the rest of their life.

It can’t be found

But, if they were to think about what it is that they have done, they might not be able to think of anything. Of course, they might think about the mistakes that they have made over the years, for instance, but that could be it.

From this, it will be clear that how they feel and see themselves has no basis in reality, as their friend may have said. At this point, they could wonder why they are experiencing life in this way.

Back In Time
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As confusing as this will be, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them as a child, it might gradually make sense. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

So, they may have had a mother who was emotionally out of reach and unable to provide them with the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Furthermore, she might have seen them as nothing more than an extension of herself.

A Brutal Time

Apart from their basic needs, then, it wouldn’t have occurred to her that they had their own needs or feelings. If they didn’t meet her needs, she is likely to have punished them in some way.

During the moments when they freely expressed themselves, they are likely to have been criticised, humiliated, left or even hit. This is likely to be what they experienced even when they did what she wanted, but didn’t do it as she wanted.

The outcome

A stage of their life that should have built them up and prepared them for the world would have done the opposite. They would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded

To handle the pain they were in, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have also involved them losing touch with their connected and embedded true self, and creating a disconnected and disembodied false self.

Another Part

And, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that the reason they were treated like they were nothing was that they were worthless and unlovable. To their underdeveloped brain, if this weren’t the case, they would have been loved.

Most likely, their mother had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years. But, thanks to the inflated and unfeeling, false self that she created, she repeated what was done to her, or something that was very similar.  

Moving Forward

Ultimately, how they were treated was not a reflection of their worth or lovability or a sign that they were not enough or not good enough. For them to realise this, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk