Early Deprivation: Can Someone Believe That They Deserve To Be Punished If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what they find is that they are often not treated very well by others. So, when they are around their friends, perhaps family and at work, they could often be put down and ignored, for instance.

Then again, they might typically only be treated badly when they are at work. Either way, their life may have been this way for as long as they can remember.

Confusion

Now, irrespective of what area or areas of their life they are being treated badly, they might wonder why they put up with what is going on. Part of them could believe that they don’t deserve to be treated in this way and that they need to stand up for themselves.

If they were to talk to someone about what is going on, such as a friend, this person could say the same thing, or something similar. Even so, it doesn’t mean that this will have much of an impact on them.

Another Part

The reason for this is that they could find that another part of them doesn’t believe that they deserve to be treated well. Not only this, but this part of them can be far stronger than the other part of them.

After this, they can see that, if they didn’t believe that they deserved to be treated badly, they wouldn’t put up with bad behaviour from others. From this, it will be clear that how other people treat them is not random; it is a reflection of the relationship that they have with themselves.

At The Root

Therefore, for their external world to change, what is going on inside them will also need to change. However, as a big part of them doesn’t believe that they deserve to be treated well, there is going to be resistance.

A small part of them will feel uncomfortable with what is going on, while a bigger part of them won't. At this stage, they might wonder why a big part of them feels comfortable with being treated badly by others and themselves.

The other part

As in addition to putting up with bad behaviour, they could also have the tendency to eat poorly, to neglect their body and not take action, for instance. In a way, it will be as if they have turned their back on themselves.

Based on what is going on, it will be as though they have done something very bad and, thus, deserve to suffer. Yet, if they were to hear this and think about what they have done that is so bad that they deserve to suffer forever, their mind could go blank.

A Strange Scenario

As confused as they are likely to be, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them as a child, they might gradually understand why they are experiencing life in this way. The reason for this is that this may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father often treated them like they were nothing.

So, their mother and their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Along with this, one or both of them might have often put them down, humiliated them, physically harmed them and isolated them.

A Brutal Time

A stage of their life, then, when they needed attuned and caring parents, who were able to love them, was a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. They would have felt unsafe, unwanted, helpless, hopeless, worthless and unloved.

And how they felt would have been a reflection of the environment that they lived in. It was then not that these feelings were irrational and had no basis in reality; they reflected reality.

Another Element

Along with not receiving the nutrients that they needed to go through each development stage and experience an emotional birth, they would have personalised what took place. They would have come to believe that they didn’t deserve to exist, were worthless and unlovable.

Instead of being able to accept that their mother or father were deeply wounded human beings who couldn’t love them, then, it was that they shouldn’t be here, were nothing and deserved to be punished. This stage of their life will be over, but the meaning that their underdeveloped brain made will still define their life.

Moving Forward

The truth is that they deserve to be here, have inherent value and are lovable. For them to realise this, at the core of their being, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk