Early Deprivation: Can Someone Blame Men/Women For Everything To Avoid Their Own Pain?

Nowadays, it is not uncommon for articles to be written and videos to be made that talk about how men or women are the problem. At times, it is said that relationships would be different if it weren’t for men and women and at others, it is said that the world would be different if it weren’t for men or women.

But no matter what the area of focus is, men or women will be at fault. Based on this, if this sex no longer existed, heterosexual relationships would no longer exist, but on the plus side, there wouldn’t be any problems or very few problems.

The Other Side

Along with this information, there are numerous men and women who agree with the views that the media and individuals express online. When someone is in this position, they can often fantasise about what it would be like if there were no men or women on the planet.

There is also a chance that a number of their friends will have the same view, with them spending a lot of time talking to them about how bad men or women are. They may have been this way for a few months, years, or even longer.

The Evidence

And if another person were to question what they believe, they could say that they have the experiences to back up their view. So, they might have been with a number of men or women who didn’t treat them very well.

These men or women might have been critical, cruel, and self-absorbed, for instance. Yet, regardless of how they would describe them, what is clear is that being with them wouldn’t have enhanced their life; it would have made it harder.

How It Is

Now, if someone were to say that their view of men or women is irrational and it makes no sense to put all men or women in the same box, they would dismiss what they say. They could say that, unlike them, they know what they are like.

After this, they could say that they are naive to think that some men or women are different. This is then going to be the truth, and if someone can’t see this, it will be because they are in denial and are not ready to see it.

Stepping Back

However, although someone like this can believe that they know what all men and women are like, what if there is more to it? What if seeing all men and women in he same way is a way for them to avoid looking in the mirror?

If this is the case, by not seeing men or women as individuals who have their own needs, feelings, challenges, fears, hopes and dreams and seeing them as bad people and stripping them of their humanity, they don’t have to face certain parts of themselves. In other words, by seeing them as the problem, they don’t have to look into why they would continue to come into contact with men or women who undermine them.

A Deeper Look

The experiences that they have had with men or women will have been generalised and seen as a reflection of all men or women, which will allow them to protect their own ego or sense of self. They, along with their fellow men or women, will then be good, while men or women will be bad.

If, on the other hand, they were to take a different approach and see the experiences that they have had with men or women as largely a reflection of what is going on for them internally, they might soon start to feel uncomfortable. This can be a time when they end up feeling ashamed and worthless.

A Different Response

Then again, after hearing this, they could become defensive. If they do, it is likely to show that their mind is doing what it can to ensure that repressed pain doesn’t enter their conscious awareness, as this would make it harder for them to keep it together and function.

This will be something that takes place automatically, as opposed to something that they consciously choose to do. Ultimately, as long as they are focused on what is wrong with men or women, they won’t have to face themselves.

Self-Protection

When it comes to the pain that they are unknowingly able to avoid by dehumanising men or women, it can primarily be the result of what they experienced during their formative years. This may have been a time when her mother and perhaps father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Furthermore, one or both of their parents might have been verbally and even physically abusive. But, although this stage of their life will be over, most, if not all, of the pain that they experienced and the needs that were not met and were repressed will be inside them.

Another Element

This stage of their life will have also had an impact on how they came to see their needs and feelings, how worthy and lovable they believed they were, and their view of the opposite sex. And even though this stage of their life is over, a big part of them can still be trying to receive the love that they missed out on.

This part can then cause them to unconsciously recreate what it was like for them as a child, in order to try to experience a different outcome. What this part doesn’t realise, as it doesn’t have a sense of time and is blind, is that, as this stage of their life is over and another person is not their mother or father, it is too late for them to receive what they missed out on.

Moving Forward

Taking all this into account, for them to change this area of their life, they will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. As they gradually process the impact their past had on them and become more integrated and embodied, their outer world will change.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk

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