Early Deprivation: Can Someone Carry A Lot Of Grief If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone has just experienced a loss, they can be in a very bad way mentally, emotionally and physically. So, they can find it hard to concentrate, be filled with sadness and it can be difficult for them to do anything.

Thus, due to what is going on for them, it is not going to be possible for them to carry on as normal. Yet, if they are not having this inner experience, it can be because they have shut down and are out of touch with how they feel.

A lot of Tears

And, since this loss, they may have spent a lot of time crying. But, while they might feel better after they have cried, it might not be long until they go back to how they felt before.

To use an analogy: it can be as if they move one pile of bricks and before long, another pile appear straight after. This can cause them to feel even worse and make them wonder if there is any point in them crying.    

The Cause

Anyway, then it comes to the loss that they have experienced, they might have lost a loved one or had a breakup. Based on what has happened, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t be in a good way.

The connection that they had with another will have been broken as a result of them passing on or no longer being part of their life and this will have caused them to be deeply hurt. Fortunately, providing that they continue to face how they feel and are supported by others, they are likely to gradually be able to function again.

A New Normal

This is not to say that their life will go back to how it was before as their life will never be the same again. What it does mean is that they will settle down and live a fulfilling life.

At this point in time, though, this may sound like something that has very little basis in reality.  Nonetheless, as the days, weeks and months pass, they can find that they gradually feel better and are able to embrace life again.

Another Scenario

Then again, the days, weeks, months and even years could pass, but they might not feel much different. Therefore, no matter how much time passes or how much they cry, they will still typically be in a very low place.
Assuming this is so, they could wonder if there is something inherently wrong with them. Furthermore, they can believe that they should be at the stage where they are able to carry on with their life.  

Another Angle

But, even though they can come to this conclusion and even believe that they should be able to carry on with their life, there can be a reason why are still not in a good way and haven’t been able to embrace life again. It is possible that the loss that they experienced unlocked grief that was already inside them.

This will then be grief that they hadn’t worked through after they had experienced a loss at another stage of their life. They are then not going to be working through one loss; they will be working through at least one other loss.

A Build Up

As a result of this, the loss that they are working through will be far more complex than it would be otherwise. The layers and layers of pain inside them will mean that it will take longer for them to be able to embrace life again.

At this stage, they can wonder when it was that they experienced this loss. Now, it could be during their adult years, or it could go back to their formative years.

Back In Time

Even if they have experienced at least one other loss during their adult years, what took place during their formative years might still be the reason why they are so weighed down. This may have been a stage of their life when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

This would then have been a stage when they rarely felt seen and heard, with them often being ignored, rejected and left. A stage of their life, when they needed attuned and caring parents, in order to grow and develop in the right way, would have been a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Tough Time

There would then have been both small and big losses throughout this stage of their life. But, as they were powerless, dependent and unable to face how they felt, not only were they unable to do anything about what was going on but they wouldn’t have been able to grieve the losses that they experienced.

To handle the pain that they were in, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. The pain that they experienced would then have been removed from their conscious awareness, to allow them to keep it together and function, but it wouldn’t have disappeared.

Moving Forward

The loss that they have experienced as an adult will have unlocked some of the pain that was held in their unconscious mind. The defences that they had in place to keep this pain at bay and out of their conscious awareness will have been weakened by the last loss that they experienced.

Taking all this into account, it will be essential for them to continue to cry out the pain that is inside them. They can keep in mind that this is taking longer as they have layers and layers of loss inside them.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk