Early Deprivation: Can Someone Fall Apart During Their Adult Years If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Recently, someone may have experienced a breakup or lost a loved one. Thanks to this, it can be more or less impossible for them to keep it together and function.

Now, as a relationship has come to an end, it is to be expected that they would be in a bad way. The person they loved will no longer be in their life because they have broken up with them or because they have passed on, so how they feel is perfectly normal.

A Different Experience

If they have broken up with someone, there is a chance that they will get back together again, but if someone has passed on, this person won’t be coming back. Therefore, if someone has experienced a breakup, their life might soon go back to how it was before, or close to it.

But, assuming that it doesn’t, they can end up wondering why it is so hard for them to handle what has taken place. They might understand that, as the connection they had with another person has come to an end, it makes sense that they would be in pain.

Confusion

However, they can struggle to understand why they feel so overwhelmed by it. They could look back on their life and think of friends or family members who have gone through something similar but have still been able to function.

If so, they might wonder if there is something wrong with them or if they are just weak. And if they are not all at sea emotionally, they can be in a shut down state, where they are unable to feel anything.

External Support

If they were to talk to a trusted friend about what is going on for them, this friend can be understanding and supportive. They might make it clear that there is nothing wrong with them and that they are not weak.

After this, their friend might ask them about what their childhood was like, that’s if they haven’t asked them about this before. This can be a time when they will say that it wasn’t that bad and that they were not abused, for instance.

A Closer Look

Yet, even if this is what they say, it doesn’t mean that this stage of their life was very nurturing. This may have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

So, they might not have received the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. If this were the case, being ignored, rejected, starved of affection, and even abandoned would have been the norm.

An Adaption

To handle not having a number of their needs met and the pain that this caused them, their brain would have repressed a number of their needs and the pain they were in. This was their only way to survive, as they wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on or to find another family.

The outcome of this is that, instead of them being able to stay rooted in their body and connected to all of their needs and feelings, they would have gradually left their body and lost touch with a number of their needs and feelings. Their connected true self would then have slowly been replaced by a disconnected false self.

Unstable Foundation

The years would then have passed, but their unmet developmental needs and the pain that they experienced would have stayed inside them, along with them being in a disembodied and disconnected state. Throughout this time, their system would have done its best to ensure that this repressed material didn’t enter their conscious awareness.

As if it did, their conscious mind would be flooded by it and they wouldn’t be able to keep it together and function. Before their latest breakup or loss, they might have experienced other breakups and losses that weakened their brain's defensive structure, making it harder for their brain to keep this material at bay.

A Rupture

But after what has just happened, it wouldn’t have been possible for their brain to protect them in the same way. They are then going to be experiencing the pain of their current loss and the pain that has entered their conscious awareness from losses that were not processed in their childhood.

For them to be able to function again and slowly get back into their body, they will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk