Early Deprivation: Can Someone Feel Unworthy Of Being Seen And Heard If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they might see is that they have the tendency to be in the background in life. So, this can mean that they will spend a lot of time by themselves.

Then again, they might not spend much time by themselves and could spend a lot of time with others. But even if they do spend a lot of time with others, they could still do what they can to not be noticed.

One Scenario

In this case, they might typically wear clothes that don’t stand out, and they might not say much. Additionally, they could largely spend time around people who like to be the centre of attention.

As a result of this, when they are around others, it will generally be as if they are part of an audience. Their need to be acknowledged is then, rarely, if ever, going to be met.

A Bleak Existence

Due to what their life is like, it can be normal for them to feel ignored, invisible, lonely and as though they don’t even exist. This can then mean that they often feel helpless and hopeless.

But as they are an interdependent human being who has the need to be seen and heard, this is to be expected. For them to live a fulfilling life, they will need to live a life where they freely express themselves, their existence is acknowledged, they are valued, and what they have to say matters.

The next Stage

After this, they can wonder why they live a life where they do what they can to stay in the background and seldom allow themselves to be acknowledged. For them to find out why this is, there is an exercise that they can do.

They can imagine that they live a life where they not only choose how long they will spend by themselves, but they freely express themselves around others and are acknowledged.  At first, they can feel alive, powerful and free, but after a while, their inner state can change.

A Deeper Look

Before long, they can find that they feel anxious and fearful, and have the need to go back to how they were before. They can find that they expect to be ignored and rejected, and be criticised and put down.

After this, they can understand why staying in the background feels comfortable. Another part of this is that they can find that they don’t believe that they deserve to be acknowledged by others and be treated as though they are valuable and lovable.

What’s going on?

Assuming that they were to see this, they can wonder why they are this way. What might enter their mind is that there is no reason for them to be this way.

However, if they were able to go back in time and observe their early years, they might gradually understand why they are this way. This is because this may have been a time when one of their parents was emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Along with this, they might have been verbally abusive and often humiliated them. Consequently, this would have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

The Outcome

To handle not receiving what they needed to grow and develop in the right way, they would have lost touch with their connected true self and formed a disconnected false self. A number of their needs and feelings would then have been removed from their conscious awareness and repressed.

As their true self withdrew, it would have made it easier for them to handle not having their needs met, and the pain that this caused and the verbal assaults that they experienced. What happened would have still hurt them, of course, but they wouldn’t have been consciously aware of the harm that it was causing them.

A natural outcome

And as they were powerless and dependent, they were unable to change what was going on or to leave this dysfunctional environment. Their only option was to leave themselves and become someone else.  

Furthermore, as they were egocentric, they would have ended up believing that their needs and feelings were bad, and that they were worthless and unlovable. They would then have had no right to be treated like someone who had inherent worth and was lovable or had the sense that their voice mattered.

A Key Point

Most likely, the parent who couldn’t be there for them and harmed them was a deeply wounded human being. Their childhood was probably very similar, but as they were unable to face and resolve any of their inner wounds, they passed on what was done to them.

With this in mind, how they were treated was not a reflection of their worth or lovability. The truth is that they have inherent worth and are lovable, and they deserve to live a life where they freely express themselves and their existence is acknowledged.

Moving Forward

For their life to gradually change, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.
Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk