Early Deprivation: Can Someone Feel Worthless If They Were Treated Like An Object During Their Early Years?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that they are often treated badly. Along with this, they could see that they generally don’t treat themselves very well.

However, they could see that being treated badly feels comfortable and that it takes a lot of effort for them to stand up for themselves. Due to this, they can often just put up with being treated in this way.

The Other Part

As to how they treat themselves, they could see that this is also what feels comfortable and that it takes a lot of effort for them to be kind to themselves. Consequently, they can often mistreat themselves.

Moreover, when they are being treated badly by others and don’t stand up for themselves, this will also be a time when they are not being kind to themselves. Thus, these two things won’t be separate.

A Strange Scenario

Now, if they were to think about how long they have been this way, they could find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. At this point, they could wonder why they are this way.

What could enter their mind is that there is something inherently wrong with them. If so, what may have played a part in this is the feedback that they have received from another or others.

External Feedback

So, at least one person might have told them that they need to stand up for and treat themselves better. This might have been said in a very critical tone, or it might have been said in a very supportive manner.

Either way, after they had this conversation on at least one occasion, they might have ended up criticising themselves. It then wouldn’t have mattered how the other person spoke to them as they would have been hard on themselves.

A Closer Look

Now, if they were to think about why they put up with bad behaviour and don’t treat themselves like a valuable human being, they could find that it’s because they feel worthless. They are then not going to deserve to be treated well by others or themselves.

If they were to share this with a friend or family member, for instance, they could be told that this is not true. Furthermore, they could be told that they deserve to be treated well and that they are a valuable human being.

What’s going on?

At this stage, they might wonder why they have this outlook and don’t have a sense of their own value. As confusing as this is likely to be, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them as a child, they might soon understand why they are this way.

The reason for this is that this may have been a stage of their life when they were generally not treated like a valuable and lovable human being who had needs and feelings but as an object. They would then have been treated as though they were worthless, unlovable, had no rights, and their value was based on what they did for others.

A Brutal Time

What they needed at this stage of their life, to grow and develop in the right way, was at least one parent who generally attuned to their needs and met them. But, as this didn’t take place, they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

They might have resisted what was taking place in the beginning but as they were powerless and dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. Moreover, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place.

Taken To Heart

The outcome of this is that they would have believed that how they were treated was a reflection of how worthless and unlovable they were. In reality, it was a reflection of what was going on for one or both of their parents.

There is a strong chance that one or both of their parents had also been treated like they were an object during their formative years. They were then unable to develop a sense of their own worth and lovability and, therefore, were unable to acknowledge their child’s worth and lovability and give them what they needed to develop a felt sense of their own worth and lovability.

Moving Forward

For them to develop a felt sense of worth and lovability, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk