Early Deprivation: Can Someone Find It Hard To Say No If They Had Abusive Parents?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that it is difficult for them to make it clear when they don’t want to do something. Instead, they can find that they have the inclination to go along with things that they don’t want to do.

They might see that they have only just started to be his way, or they might see that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember. If they can relate to the latter, they are likely to be well and truly fed up with experiencing life his way.

One Area

So, when they are around their friends and family, it can be normal for them to go out when they would rather stay in and to help them when they don’t have the time, energy or money. Thanks to what they are like, some of these people could see them as being selfless and a good friend.

Some of these people might not appreciate what they do and could just take what they do for granted. If some of these people do have a positive view of them, it won’t change the fact that they are abandoning themselves and are not being a good friend to themselves.

Another Area

They might not be in an intimate relationship, but they might have been in one not too long ago. If they were in one a little while ago, this may have been a time when they often did things that they didn’t really want to do.

For example, they might have often gone out when they didn’t want to and even had sex when they didn’t feel like it. Throughout this time, then, it would have probably been normal for them to feel angry, enraged, frustrated, resentful and even violated.

A Common Theme

They might see that this is how they often feel after they have spent time around a friend or family member. After they have felt this way, they could end up feeling depressed.

What this will illustrate is that they won’t pay attention to how they feel; they simply ignore how they feel. Their feelings will then be swallowed, and this will cause them to go into a collapsed physical state.

What’s going on?

After thinking about how they often behave and respond, they can wonder why they don’t pay attention to their needs and feelings and do what is right for them. It will be clear that behaving in this way is not serving them; it is harming them.

For them to find out why they behave in this way, there is an exercise that they can do. They can imagine that someone asks them if they would like to do something that they don’t want to do, and they stand their ground and say that they can’t do it.

Two parts

This can be a time when they will feel relieved, strong and grateful. They will have shown love for themselves by doing this and won’t be compromising themselves, so this is to be expected.

Still, as time passes, they could end up feeling anxious and guilty, and have the need to go back to how they were before. Assuming that this takes place, they can wonder why they have this experience.

Confusion

If something is not right for them, what should feel comfortable is making this clear. But as this is not what feels comfortable, it shows that something is not right.

There is a chance that they are this way because of what took place during their formative years and the impact it had on them. This may have been a stage of their life when they missed out on the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Back In Time

The reason for this is that their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have stopped them from receiving the attunement, care, support, affection, validation and love that they needed.

They would then have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. And, when they freely expressed themselves, they might have often been put down, ignored, rejected, abandoned and/or hit.

The Meaning

This would have sent them the message that it wasn’t safe for them to freely express themselves, that they wouldn’t be supported, and that they would suffer. They would have also come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, and believed that they were worthless and unlovable.

This is the result of their underdeveloped brain taking everything personally and not being able to see that their mother and perhaps their father were wounded and unable to provide them with what they needed. There was then nothing wrong with their needs or feelings, and they were not worthless or unlovable.

Moving Forward

For them to be able to listen to and freely express themselves, there will be a number of things for them to do. They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk